Bleak Hill Grocery

One of our customers, a member of our local Historical Society for the Preservation of the Unique, has requested that we collect a variety of advertisements, bulletins, and storewide announcements for the sake of prosperity.

"Good afternoon shoppers! Please stop harassing our Honorable Employees who happen to be robots and/or androids. They are not AI, and are not here to write your emails, make your decisions, and draw your pictures. Let them do their job in peace that they are paid to do. If you do not the Honorable Security Employees will be forced to intervene. Thank you and happy shopping!"

"Good morning shoppers! This is a friendly reminder that photography is not allowed anywhere on the premises. Attempting to take pictures of including but not limited to Honorable Employees, fellow shoppers, samples, product, and the Ominous Waste Pit, will result in the wiping of your entire camera roll immediately by our Honorable Security Employees. Thank you for respecting ours and others privacy, and happy shopping!"

"Good evening shoppers! A fresh shipment of Unceasing Strawberry Mint Jam has just arrived from Never-Ending Labyrinth Orchard's! Due to popular demand we are enacting a limit of one per customer. Thank you and happy shopping!"

"Good morning shoppers! Ensure your vegetable garden remains safe this summer from the pesky burrowing interdimensional beetles with Brother Venator's Premium Nets, Traps, and Bait. Now in the seasonal aisle. Thank you and happy shopping!"

"Good afternoon shoppers! In celebration of National BBQ Day, we are having a flash sale on Hanging Gallows BBQ sauce, made right here in Bleak Hill Town. Find it now in aisle 8. Thank you and happy shopping!"

"Good morning shoppers! We understand that it can be hard to shop with your babies, but we must ask that you do not summon the Eternal Dark Night from Beyond the Void to coax them to sleep. This is incredibly disruptive to other shoppers who cannot see in the pitch black the Eternal Dark Night from Beyond the Void puts the whole store in for several minutes. To put it another way, being unable to see is more disruptive than a baby crying, please stop doing this. Thank you and happy shopping!"

"Good evening shoppers! We want to thank everyone who participating in our grocery charity drive! Thanks to your help we've been able to provide essential self-stable food to the Orphans of the Old Ones who have been displaced from their homes due to an undisclosed technology corporation take over their land. Thanks to everyone they will not go hungry! Happy shopping!"

"Good morning shoppers! This is a friendly reminder that the store has not, and never will be haunted by the ghosts of humans. If approached by the ghost a human please immediately walk away and find the nearest Honorable Employee. And yes, you may pet the ghost cats if they approach you. Thank you and happy shopping!"

"Good morning shoppers! In partnership with the Historical Society for the Preservation of the Unique we are presenting the "Secrets of the Great Teleporting Obsidian Monolith: Where did it come from?" at the newly renovated Fancy Opossum Theatre in Historic Downtown Bleak Hill. Tickets are available at no charge to the community at the customer service desk upon request. Limit 1 per person or entity. Happy shopping and hope to see you there!

"Attention all Honorable Employees! The Owners have replaced the donuts lost in the recent space rift in the main break room and have supplied all break rooms with free coffee. Please get some coffee and donuts as soon as you are able!"

"Good afternoon shoppers! Thanks to the hard work of our Honorable Employees trade has been established with the Grey Aliens of Alpha Centari and Bleak Hill Grocery is proud to carry fresh Stardust Eggs & Milk. Thank you and happy shopping!"

"Attention all Honorable Employees! Attention all Honorable Employees! A space rift to the asteroid belt has opened in the main break room! Please use the deli break room for the time being while the rift naturally closes! The rift should be closed in the next 9 minutes, but we did lose the donuts."