Bleak Hill Grocery

One of our customers, a member of our local Historical Society for the Preservation of the Unique, has requested that we collect a variety of advertisements, bulletins, and storewide announcements for the sake of prosperity.

"Good morning shoppers! Please avoid aisle 2 until further notice. We are not quite sure what is going on but entering the aisle is resulting in issues with Bleak Rewards Cards being restored to their previous unpunched versions causing a loss of progress towards $30 off your next grocery purchase. If you require something within aisle 2 please allow an Honorable Employee to retrieve it. Thank you and happy shopping!"

"Good evening shoppers! Due to popular demand we are pleased to announce that Bleak Hill Grocery will now be stocking Preserved Lemon, Mint, and Deadly Nightshade Spread! You can find it now on the end of aisle 4. Thank you and happy shopping!"

"Good afternoon shoppers! Back to school shopping begins at Bleak Hill Grocery! Pick up your classes required material brochure and save $1 when you purchase 2 of the following: Centipede Skin Pencil Cases, Death to All Who Oppose Cleanliness Hand Sanitizer, Corpse Wax Crayons, Phillip's Binders and Portfolios, and Bleak Hill Grocery Charcoal Pencils. Thank you and happy shopping!"

"Good evening shoppers! After the success of our charity food drive many of you have been asking if there are other ways to help the Orphans of the Old Ones who had their land taken over by an undisclosed technology company. If you wish to help further consider helping with the Orphans of the Old Ones legal fees! Please get in contact with the Last Chance Law Firm should you wish to help. Thank you and happy shopping!"

"Good afternoon! Bleak Hill Town Council has just issued a Level 3 Intergalactic Spider Warning. Please stay calm and let the customer service desk know if you require an escort to your vehicle, portal, or home! Our Honorable Security Employees are here to help keep you safe. Thank you and happy shopping"!

We hope to see you all at the Reenactment of the Battle of Bleak Hill, a defeat of the Eldritch Lobsters this afternoon!

"Good afternoon shoppers! Please stop harassing our Honorable Employees who happen to be robots and/or androids. They are not AI, and are not here to write your emails, make your decisions, and draw your pictures. Let them do their job in peace that they are paid to do. If you do not the Honorable Security Employees will be forced to intervene. Thank you and happy shopping!"

"Good morning shoppers! This is a friendly reminder that photography is not allowed anywhere on the premises. Attempting to take pictures of including but not limited to Honorable Employees, fellow shoppers, samples, product, and the Ominous Waste Pit, will result in the wiping of your entire camera roll immediately by our Honorable Security Employees. Thank you for respecting ours and others privacy, and happy shopping!"

"Good evening shoppers! A fresh shipment of Unceasing Strawberry Mint Jam has just arrived from Never-Ending Labyrinth Orchard's! Due to popular demand we are enacting a limit of one per customer. Thank you and happy shopping!"

"Good morning shoppers! Ensure your vegetable garden remains safe this summer from the pesky burrowing interdimensional beetles with Brother Venator's Premium Nets, Traps, and Bait. Now in the seasonal aisle. Thank you and happy shopping!"

"Good afternoon shoppers! In celebration of National BBQ Day, we are having a flash sale on Hanging Gallows BBQ sauce, made right here in Bleak Hill Town. Find it now in aisle 8. Thank you and happy shopping!"

"Good morning shoppers! We understand that it can be hard to shop with your babies, but we must ask that you do not summon the Eternal Dark Night from Beyond the Void to coax them to sleep. This is incredibly disruptive to other shoppers who cannot see in the pitch black the Eternal Dark Night from Beyond the Void puts the whole store in for several minutes. To put it another way, being unable to see is more disruptive than a baby crying, please stop doing this. Thank you and happy shopping!"