MJ

Kai came home that morning after not coming home things had been tough since they found out they were going to have another baby. Kai had got a 6 pack and slept in the car just cause he wanted a break and honestly he was turning back into the lazy loser he was before her. “Hey, Sweetie hows the buckaroos? Buckaroos oh yeah that’s weird.” He knew he was acting weird.

MJ washed the fresh kale and made a quick healthy salad with walnuts topping the green off on the plate as she passed the bowl across the table to Kai, “How was your day?” She asked, as she placed a plastic plate of green beans and carrots to their child. 

“I can’t breathe!” She said as his arms were locked around her. Nova struggled for air but felt like her lungs were being crushed. “I-I can’t! breathe!” she struggled in his arms until he let her go and the pressure felt a little less heavy in her chest. Nova just sits where she landed on her ass in the floor.

He looked at Nova and felt sorry for putting tears in her eyes but he was here and there wasn’t much he could do to take them away now but he was trying. “Wait so you’re So scared I’ll leave you that you give me a reason to?” He didn’t understand. “I want us to be close too And I’m trying but it’s clear we scare each other because of things we’ve done in the past, but we’ve tried the clean slate thing before but you’re too hurt to let it go so we have to get it all out. isn’t that why we’re here?” What else was Nova trying to get out of this other than love from her parents? “I know, I know that.” But yet he didn’t know what she wanted him to do and MJ seen that.

He hated she felt like she always had to ask for his love and he knew he was neglectful of her and wasn’t going to try and tell her she was wrong because her feelings were valid. “Baby you act like I didn’t care at all like it was easy for me, Nora was all I knew outside of the family I knew at the time she was my first love and my mother died thinking I would spend the rest of my life with Nora because I convinced her that I would and I was alone for years! after I let her go. I listened to what kind of fool am I for 2 years straight every night at 11:30pm and it hurt because I done it to myself but I literally felt like being with her wasn’t an option anymore even when I missed her so much my chest would ache and then I saw you and you looked like me and that made it so much worse it was so hard to push you out of my mind but I’m ashamed to say That I managed to do it because I was that selfish. I but it didn’t mean that I didn’t love her or you I wanted to love you but I promise you I’m a better father now to you than I ever would been if I had stayed.” He listened to her ask the hard questions but he wasn’t going to lie to her. “The decision I made wasn’t the best for you or your mother but it was best for me so personally, no I wouldn’t change that part, but I would change the way I handled it. I shouldn’t have cut you out and if I had the chance to change that I would in a heartbeat.” He knew that wouldn’t stop her crying.

Her answer didn’t surprise him but her other words were slightly cringingly shocking Dimitri set there speechless and his body langue was clearly uncomfortable. “I-I…” He was at a loss. “First off with the kissing which you try to do to me from time to time. I said no so obliviously the other… whatever. Is Not! going to happen. Ever.” What was wrong with her? “I feel like where I was never around to be a male figure in your life that wasn’t sexual that you got your approval, affection and love messed up baby that’s not how father daughter love works. and second that’s is so wrong I’m all for the truth but that one was got me. I don’t know how to respond. Poor Reese?” He looked at MJ. “Help.” He now would feel strange if anyone found out how He called Bekka baby and she called him Daddy in bed, but also it was weird to look at Nova and think she was having sex with Reese and possibly pretending it was her father.

Dimitri’s truth was too painful for Nova and she breaks down crying. Nova gets up and slings her wheelchair at Dimitri revealing what he already knew. Nova grunts and screams and threw a tantrum identical to Nora’s when things became to much to handle. “You’re so selfish!! I HATE YOU!! It’s you’re fault! Everything that’s wrong with me is because of you! You’re scared of me because you made me so scary! You are a monster!!!” Nova was getting ready to have a mental break that would put her in the hospital again. Dimitri wasn’t saying what she wanted him to say. He wasn’t lying. “Don’t you dare act like you loved myself or mom for one second, Lucifer.” Nova spent to much time around Ronnie and yes she is a believer now. 

“ I think I visited her three times in 15 years I don’t even know if she remembers them because I really didn’t say much and Nora and I kind of just gave each other the cold shoulder. Then Nova showed up and I was hit in the face with the reality of it and that was hard to say the least it was embarrassing to see her because she knew what I had done, but somewhere along the line I think she got less mad at me and we started doing better then something would happen she would lash out like she does for attention and it was like normal attention stuff it was harmful to herself and to others. And one time we were doing great I was really proud of the path our relationship was on then she just came out with this big story that she was having my baby. Could have ruined my life for pretty much ever and I didn’t understand it and from then on I felt a little scared to be around her because we were doing so good then out of nowhere I could have went to jail. So Then I got annoyed and mad and scared of her so I let her do whatever she wanted after that including move out with her now husband.” He really let her get knocked up because he was busy with Bekka and pushed her off on Reese more than he would have if Bekka hadn’t been there.

“Nova if you want I will feed you with a bottle I swear it the god Ronnie didn’t go to. If that’s too far back I will do whatever you need that’s why we’re here. I do not love the twins more than you and you can come over and stay when ever you want as long as you don’t do anything harmful to anyone including yourself.”

“Did you think about abortion?” Nova wanted to Know because he said he knew that Nora was going to keep her so it must have been an option.  “I remember one time. And I think you fucked mom when you decided to visit.” 

Nova listened the rest of what Dimitri had to say. Nova was so sad. She looked at MJ. MJ looked back at Nova and softly nods letting her know it’s okay. “It’s normal to feel this way and it’s the best thing you can do. Allow yourselves to feel this. You must go through the motions. Go ahead.” MJ said knowing that they didn’t need her permission. 

Nova looks up at the ceiling trying not to cry anymore. “It’s just– We were doing good, yes. But the reason it can’t be good is because I’m afraid that he’ll cut me out again.” tears streamed down lil Nova’s face but she still remained looking up at the ceiling. “I don’t want to get attached to a relationship with him that he can so easily drop at his own will or the request of his new family.” Nova knew she was last compared to Bekka and the boy’s even if he denied this. “I want us to be close.”  She looked over at Dimitri. “NO! I’m not baby that’s not what I want. You don’t understand!” Nova shouts.

MJ interrupted, “What do you want? Do you even know? You have to communicate. He’s reached his hand out for you. I understand your scared and you don’t trust him with your feelings. I wish there was a better solution but this is part of being human. This is the only way.” 

“Yes! Of course I know what I want. I want affection. I want intimacy.” She looked at her dad. “I want you to love me without me having to ask.”

MJ nods hearing Nova wanted affection. “Okay, that’s good. Thank you for expressing what you want now maybe we can work on it. Define what affection and intimacy you need from him. How much do you need? I don’t want you to feel like his affection is a reward like a treat for a dog.” MJ said and looked at Nova.

Nora cries watching him walk away from her because she always had ptsd when he would walk away. If she was Bekka he would have swooped her up off the floor and carried her back in there. Nora left feeling pretty much miserable and trying to think of a reason to make it all worth it.

“He did? So when did he stop? Is there a certain event that took place or did you fall out of love?” She looks at Dimitri trying to read his emotions on the topic. “How did they scare you? What was they threatening to frighten you?”

Nova was in a wheelchair while Dimitri and Nora shared a small sofa some would call a loveseat. Nova was scared because what if this didn’t fix her pain? there was nothing else left to do. 

Nova was in a wheelchair while Dimitri and Nora shared a small sofa some would call a loveseat. Nova was scared because what if this didn’t fix her pain? there was nothing else left to do.