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"huh?" you stared at sakusa in bewilderment.

sakusa froze in silence, his heartbeat raising with every passing second. he mentally cursed at himself for letting his internal thoughts slip through his mouth so carelessly.

"your germs are all over it." he said quickly, hoping you were too tired to notice the slight panic in his voice. tearing his gaze away from yours, he fiddled with the hem of his shirt nervously.

you huffed, scrunching your nose to pretend that you're offended by his statement. "i have far less germs than you," you retorted, "you're all sweaty from practise."

sakusa let out a breath of relief that he didn't even know he was holding in. it was at times like this he was thankful that you were painfully oblivious to his feelings for you.

"but i don't wear it during practise."

"fine." you sighed in defeat. you knew there was no point in arguing with the sakusa kiyoomi about hygiene. when the bus slowly rolled to a stop, you hopped off with the jacket folded in your arms and a promise that you would make sure to wash his jacket before you return it.

"i tried not to overthink," you reply, still looking at the people, their luggage, noticing everything that the attendants are doing at the check-in counters. it's hard to keep up with everyone's actions in the multitude.

you've always associated airports with bits of romance. you've seen people break up on airports and kiss their lovers goodbyes until the last boarding calls. airports, according to you, are no different than hospitals. people visit both the places, but you don't know if they're coming back. although, not everyone thinks of airports as a place so gloomy that it stirs your stomach, but you've taught yourself to think that way in the past few months.

you've played it in your head multiple times, how you would break up with iwaizumi. you settled upon doing it last week, but never got a chance. days passed, you felt your chances slipping through the cracks of your hands and suddenly, the words fall off your lips amidst hundred other people waiting for the boarding announcement on the airport.

"hajime, you're not dying and neither am i. you're pursuing your dreams and if the situation calls for us to break up, i'm no one to refuse," while it seems like you're offering him some comfort to cope with the situation, those words are for yourself. you want to believe that he will come back to you, or you will find him again, even if it's after years, after the sweet memories that you share disappear over time; even if it's just one minute before you die, you want to believe you will meet him. after all, those will be the words that will convince you to look forward to every single day that is now going to pass without a glimpse of him.

"you know we don't have to do this," iwaizumi says it as a matter of fact. there's a stern look in his eyes, as if he has known you long enough to know the words that you mean and the ones you don't. sometimes, you think if you've given too much of yourself to him that now, he resembles a faint image of yourself in the mirror. it's like a single soul living in two different bodies, perhaps that's why, it feels like you're losing little pieces of yourself as you watched him prepare to leave for the States.

and so, you mirror the exact same look at him. "we do,"

"what if i fall in love with someone else? what if i come back with a family, a kid?" there's a hint of sorrow behind his hurtful words. thinking about iwaizumi next to someone else is painful, it's like taking a knife to your heart, but at the same time you know he doesn't mean his words.

just like iwaizumi, you've also known him long enough to know the words he means and the ones that he doesn't.

"i don't know, perhaps i'll congratulate you?" you manage to reply with a bitter laugh. "and also hate you for not inviting me to your marriage,"

you honestly don't know how you'd feel about iwaizumi starting a family with someone else. of course, you'd be happy for him, but will also carry a heart that aches at the site of him standing next to his other love, someone that's not you; and of course, you would still love him, even if you lose the rights to call him yours.

even though you're holding onto the words that you both will meet again, this could be the last time you see him. you know it already, you both have different lives, separate goals, and loving was never about staying next to each other even if it means giving up on what you've always wanted to do in life. it's surprising how you've both lived as strangers until you met each other and suddenly, your life without him seems impossible.

"will you be happy without me?" he asks.

"i'll try," you reply.

he nods, checking his watch before standing up and fixing his shirt. his eyes settle upon his backpack before travelling back to yours. "we still have twenty minutes, in case you want to change your decision,"

"i've decided,"

"okay," he breathes out, shooting you a smile while trying to choke in the tears that are starting to fall down his cheeks. "don't forget me," he adds a reminder, as if you're ever going to do that.

you met iwaizumi in middle school as a classmate, almost a stranger, someone you never properly talked to until he became the only student you knew beforehand in your class when highschool commenced. now, he is singlehandedly the most important person in your life. he's someone who loves you to moon and beyond, someone you've hurt many times but also is someone whose arms are like a second home to you.

you don't think anyone could compare to him, or the effect he has on you. no one can replace the moments you share with him, it's not like there's another person in the world who could make you feel the same way he did. you won't forget him because it's not like there's someone out there who can shadow his presence in your life.

like, there's not another iwaizumi hajime in this world because there's only one of him, and you're beyond lucky to share a few chapters of your life with a man who makes you feel like the happiest person alive.

with the boarding announcement going off, iwaizumi takes a last look at you. his eyes look the brightest they've ever been, overflowing with love so as to remind you that he loves you, and will continue to do so for years to come, that the distance that keeps on increasing between the two of you as he walks away doesn't mean anything because he'll always be there for you no matter what.

that you were the first for him and he is sure that you're also his last, and that you don't have to worry about him falling for someone else because even though he's going to a far away place, he's leaving his heart with you.

"hajime," you call, rushing to the line waiting in to pass through the metal detector. "i don't care if you come back with a wife, kid, or kids, or if you even come back. all i know is that i'm rooting for you, and i will continue to do so, and if you ever decide to come back, i'll be right here,"

you cup his face and plant a last kiss on his lips. "let's try to be happy without each other,"

and now, iwaizumi is twenty-seven, standing in front of flower wreaths at Narita International Airport with a white carnations, filtering through the small crowd that clutters the memorial of people who had passed away in an accident, fallen victims to the flight that went up in flames just a few minutes after it's take off.

he thinks you look funny— ugly, maybe not ugly, but definitely funny. you look like such a mess, make weird faces, leave trails of incoherent words that wake him up in middle of the night. your limbs are all over the bed and most of the time, they're above him, as if he's your bed or something. you never wake up the way you go to sleep, always ending up on his side of the bed, pushing him to the edge while wrapping your arms around him as if you're holding him for falling down, like you're not the reason why he's in that position in the first place. you end up taking the whole comforter and it got to the point where oikawa suggested using two different comforters for the sake of both of you, but it didn't help either, since you would leave yours and slide into his every single night.

but he doesn't complain, not at all. he doesn't mind if you steal his comforter and he has to sleep without one every night. it's fine if he falls down from bed once a few days, or if he wakes up with a neck or back pain thanks to your habit of having your hands and legs all over him. oikawa doesn't have any complaints because he thinks it's a blessing to wake up every night and look at your beautiful face.

he thinks you're the prettiest while sleeping because you don't seem to care about the way you have to present yourself to people, even if it's just him and you in the room. you smile while sleeping, or frown, make some sort of angry face, etcetera etcetera; oikawa thinks it's adorable, because those are the moments when he realises he's in love with you.

"you could've woken me up," and sometimes, he's too busy falling in love with you, he doesn't realise you've woken up already.

"thought i'd let you sleep a little more," he speaks just above the comforting silence enveloping the two of you, trying to maintain the decorum, matching the intensity of his voice with yours while caressing your cheeks. "you're making me want to sleep again,"

"well, y—" he slips in next to you, making you shift involuntarily to make space for him. his hands are a little cold, sending bits of shivers down your spine as he wraps them around your waist, letting his fingertips trace random patterns on the bare skin under your sweatshirt. "i'd love to sleep more but, we need to make breakfast,"

"what's so good about breakfast at seven on a winter morning?" he whispers against the crook of your neck.

you chortle at the contact, "may be that it can help me with my hunger?"

"if we sleep, we won't be hungry anymore," oikawa pulls back, allowing his eyes to admire your face while you take your time presuming the words behind his love sick eyes. "can i tell you something?"

"go on,"

"i think i'm in love with you,"

your lips curl into a smile, "you tell me that every day," or more so, multiple times, every day. it's more of a remind so that you don't forget he loves you, and that he loves you more than anything else in this world, as if you're ever going to forget it.

"no i mean, i'm in love with you right now, at the moment, while we're lying next to each other; like, i'm falling in love with you right now and—" a pause, as if he's trying to build up suspense or create the atmosphere. it's simply an oikawa thing to do, he wants everything about you to be special. "— and, i don't think i can ever stop falling in love with you,"

it's magical how every single word that falls off his lips manages to flutter your heart. his smile never fails to fluster you even though you've been dating for three years now. oikawa has you going crazy and also keeps you sane. it's difficult, but you're somewhere in between. he has you head over heels for himself, making you fall for him every morning that you wake up. he's keeping you afloat but is also the reason why you're drowning. he is like a pool of contradictions in your life and you can't help it because every part of him makes you feel alive.