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(ʘ‿ʘ✿) “what you say ‘bout me”

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An Alastor-centric humor fic, featuring Charlie & Vaggie

This was written for Alastor Week, hosted by @missblissy, Day 5: Rest and Relaxation… a week late, but the fic’s almost 8000 words lmao

Alastor decides that Charlie and Vaggie are too stressed out over the hotel, and need a day off to unwind!

And he’ll choose their activities!

Don’t worry—a cruel, sadistic, serial killing cannibal probably has great ideas about what will help people relax.

Over the turmoil, Vaggie yelled, “Alastor this is insane! I thought you said this place was going to be relaxing!”

“This is relaxing!” Alastor had gotten out of the way of the bar brawl by scrambling to sit on the bar top and pulling up his feet to cross his ankles. “What better way to forget about your troubles than by watching other people work through theirs? You know, the Greek philosophers believed in the value of catharsis—”

“Don’t talk to me about philosophy, this is a bar fight! This is not relaxing!” Vaggie grabbed Alastor’s threadbare lapel so hard it almost ripped. “You started it, you stop it!”

“My dear, do you know what people call bar brawls the Radio Demon participates in?” Alastor gently pulled Vaggie’s hand off his suit. “Unprovoked massacres.”

Vaggie narrowed her eyes at him; and then, grumbling, waded into the fight herself.

(Read the rest on AO3!)

For the fanfic authors who don’t get art of their fics

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SHE WILL REDEEM YOUR DEMON ASS!

EMERGENCY!!!! my family owns a restaurant. we worked our ass off for three years. and then the landlord decided to break out 8 years contract, plans to demolish the property. when covid hit, he told all the tenants that they can take their time with rent. the fucker BACK TRACKED! Broke all the promises of relocating my parent’s restaurant (remember, HE broke the contract!) now demands rent AND late fee. he is threatening to throw out my family!! (he had pulled this shit on others as well).  please, guys, my mom said she’s 2,500 dollars short. i had already sent my OWN RENT MONEY (500) to help her. I am willing to work for every dollar. please spread this out. my commission is open and I will skip sleep if I have to. my family is about to lose our very livelihood.

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