Miwa (ugh Help Me)

me as a detective: WHO DID THIS 😂😂😂

blocked and unfollowed sucked and swallowed i don’t care. i don’t care

I don’t think enough retellings of the Cain and Abel story make note of the fact that nobody had ever been killed or even died before when it happened. Cain had no idea beating his brother to death could possibly be a bad thing

Cain really did fuck around and find out

………..Yeah, I’m gonna ahead and call bullshit because death seems like a pretty universal thing. I’m not gonna believe it wasn’t 6,000 years ago cause that’s what the Bible says. Or could be perceived to say.

ok so just to be clear. you dont believe what the bible says. but you do believe that cain and abel were real, and were able to know things

off topic but i think the saddest part of that story was like no one had ever murdered before and so he didn't know what to do after and just like cried until he regained the sense to burry his brother. like bro you're a fucking mess.

me at the office when my second cup of coffee finally kicks in 

Me at work when 7 customers come in randomly when it’s been dead all day.

Every baby is genetically modified by an A.I. to be the most perfect worker. The fun part’s trying to discover what it is. Most do before turning 18, except you. They bring you to the supercomputer to finally ask about it, and it’s when you realize you know everything about the A.I. itself.

I like how looney tunes were like “wouldn’t it be funny if a cute cartoon character suddenly yelled extremely loud and furiously in a totally regular man’s voice” and then they just used that gag a million times and it always was funny