from the Haze

If I can't blame the world, I can't shout at its people, and I can't even hate myself without also hurting your delicate heart, Why do I want to be human anymore? Tell me why should I stay human? When I can just be a monster, do terrible things, and hear people say it's in my nature.

Fear me! Fear this inhumanity! Fear my ugly cry! Fear my deafening scream! Fear my claws that are blunt but will create more agony than the sharpest of swords!

If I die, it is of my own anger, of my own frustration. Nothing can kill this abomination born from the lies of honesty.

Echo the shriek I cannot utter, and tell me how much it burns your lungs. Mirror the destruction I cannot commit, and tell me how bad it crushes your bones.

ah, the sun really is too bright after all the burden of its blessing too heavy after all this golden armour you put on me so proudly this glorified name you gave me so wishfully

why are you scared of me? why are you looking at me like that? no, i can't i really can't

——

This is already too far We only met at the bar It's too dark to hear all the sounds So you might want to turn around

Do you hear that? The ringing sound

Someone is coming You left the door open hanging You will happy to hear You're not the only one, dear

Whose brain is that on the wall? Whose gut is that on the floor? Not me, not mine I'm just chilling on the sideline

Do you hear that? The ringing sound

——

and when I look into the mirror I do not see myself but a result of what was a child lost, misguided by stray dreams bruised by hopes and wishes

because the I that myself is on the other side in the dark or above hidden in the mist unreachable, untouchable yet as real as cold fingers tracing lights on clear surface

the story that are theirs are mine the pain that are theirs are mine the love that are theirs are mine

I can see in blinding lights in cold darks the image that is I

they bleed for me when I need to bleed they die for me when I need to die they feel for me all I need to feel they do for me all I need to do

It doesn't work

The words are all scrambled up here

Nothing makes sense anymore

If I continue it's just gonna get darker

And I really need the light

——

Little bird got its wings torn apart Got its eyes all messed up It came back hopping about Too long with the ground now Talons too sharp for its own good Clawing on woodworks Bathing in new dirt

Are your eyes turning green again, my love? And are you craving red again? We all mourn the death of someone While you're dealing with it on your own

Little bird, your feathers are changing colour To shades they don't like So they tried to dye it back If you need to hurt, darling If you need to kill You lost your wings once Been through everything

Don't you get caught on the bad jokes, sweet love Don't let the lake keep you under This life is still yours This time make it count

——

I am floating and drifting away Losing my name and the sound in my chest In this null wasteland Where gods wither Where dreams scatter

You reach out A flickering last line A beautiful twirl of fading cases In this blank screen Wire me up

Take it out and fill me up again Take it in and lock it down Make it yours and make you mine Flare up and realign

Be the sound in my chest Be the guide in my nights Blooming flower to my fire Bearing witness to my sins

Until the mist cease Until the summer freeze

——

You teach me how to glow And I flicker, and you love me dearly

You teach me how to walk in the dark And I stumble, and you love me dearly

You teach me to be kind And I hold my anger, and you love me dearly

You teach me about shame And I hide my wounds, and you love me dearly

You teach me how to hold myself together And I break and shatter,

and you love me dearly

——

——

Majestic little menaces Call out to the night Of your empty small altar Grace the world with your wrath “Come! Giant mortals! I crave the flesh of the dead!”

So out of the dark we will come Half seeing eyes Half upright form Bring forth the chicken Bring forth the fish And the specially crafted food of the gods

——

Will you let me in Will you let me show you What real fire feels like What lights can do to your eyes

In your silence There are questions on both ends You want answer without searching I want clearance without asking

And we can only break each other down You are glued to the ground I keep pushing it forward And the impact is deafening You have long been tired of crying I am already imune to misgivings And the damage is permanent You wished to remain transparent I want to see you stay innocent

——

——

As the sun turns his back on this monument of dust Chasing the horizon and out of my wearing sight Leaving trails of crimson and golden death And all the colours of the world mixing together Dull and dark without warm hands and loving touch The wind no longer singing and starts blowing

As the sword in my hand growing heavier Trickled with molten dusk crimson and warm Engraved gold the shade of rust and fertile land And the cloth and iron and leather on my skin Stop hugging and start strangling and caging Vultures laying claim to lost names with blessings