Extended Author's Note for Chapter 13 of A Decent Man: Talking about suicide intervention, and what Badd did well and not so well (CW--Suicide)
Hi! So, I had an author’s note at the end of chapter 13 that accidentally got deleted because I think I forgot to check the little end + beginning box thing. Since the topic is kind of important I’m re-writing it post publication, both as an author's note/comment and as a Tumblr post.
(Please note, I am by no means the most qualified person to teach the intricacies of effective suicide first aid. I come from a perspective of someone who has participated in a couple suicide interventions and received some training while in a first-responder-type job setting. But at the end of the day I am also just some guy on the internet. Always feel free to question and learn more.)
This is what I wanted to say:
In this chapter, Badd gets involved in a conversation with Garou about suicide. There are a few things Badd does well and a few things that didn’t go ideally.
Here’s the short version:
In this chapter, Badd
✅ asked Garou directly about his suicidal ideation
✅ Asked if he had a plan
✅ used the least forceful action consistent with safety
❌Jumped to an action plan before/without listening to Garou’s perspective*
❌Left Garou alone after learning he was suicidal
✅ Made a plan to follow up
*in a situation where harm is occurring or right about to occur (ex–someone has already ingested a toxin, or is holding the suicide weapon) immediate action and activation of emergency services is reasonable. In a slower paced conversation, with less imminent danger– or a scenario where you are not able to directly intervene (for example, a phone call) talking to someone in an empathetic way and letting them speak and explore their feelings may be life-saving.
Here’s a little more detail about this:
When it comes to suicide prevention or intervention, if you suspect that someone is suicidal, the best practice is to ask very directly “are you thinking of committing suicide” or “are you thinking of killing yourself.” Using direct language helps a person to conceptualize and label thoughts that may have priorly been unlabeled thoughts, feelings, or impulses. It also prompts someone to be more honest in their response, and reduces the stigma of seriously talking about the suicidal ideation (by breaking the ice on the topic first.)
An important question to follow up with is to ask if the person has a suicide plan. If someone has an idea of HOW they would kill themselves, they are at a higher risk.
When it comes to a conversation about suicide, being kind, showing you care, letting the person share their story, and helping them to feel understood, is important. Letting the person’s “death side” speak is what leads to their “life side” potentially coming up with rebuttals to their reasons behind wanting to die. You listening, and showing understanding, builds trust.
The best practice is to avoid leaving a suicidal person alone. If you can get them to a hospital or mental health facility, bring them. If they are unwilling to go, try to stay with them. I’ve had times where I feared jumping to hospital would lead to a breakdown in the person’s trust and lead to them becoming more impulsive or less willing to talk to me. I once had an experience that involved offering a slumber party and hanging out first, and then later in the night, the person was willing to go to the hospital. (This person had not ingested anything toxic or done anything yet to harm themselves.)
To be fair, Badd tried to NOT leave Garou alone, but Garou was unwilling to compromise with the options Badd could think of. One of Garou’s biggest emotional triggers he is displaying here is feeling out of control of his body and life circumstances. Badd recognizes this, and recognizes that if he tries to force Garou to go anywhere it’ll kill the trust they’ve built and potentially re-traumatize. Ideally Badd would be able to find a way to talk to Garou to help him feel more comfortable and in control of the options presented (hospital or coming home with him), but Badd struggled to do so.
As mentioned previously: If harm to the person or other people is actively occurring or about to occur, you should activate emergency response services (ex. 911) to prevent a medical emergency and initiate 24 hour monitoring of the suicidal person. If the danger is less imminent, and a person is able to participate in an intervention, have a conversation to work with them and try to figure out what safety changes are doable for you both at the moment (going to the hospital or other mental health facility could ideally be a part of this plan, if the person is willing. A safety plan could also involve removing elements of their suicide plan from immediate access. For example, if you can convince them to hand over pills they may have tried to overdose on, or to come over for the night instead of going home alone.) In this chapter, a lot of what Garou and Badd end up talking about with “plans” has to do with the slime monster – but Badd working with Garou to negotiate a time to meet up again is a part of their safety plan regarding both the monster and Garou’s suicide risk.
To reference a training, the “Pathway for Assisting Life” PAL model divides a suicide intervention conversation into 3 phases:
Connecting with Suicide→demonstrating you care about the person
-explore any “invitations” (hints or signs that person is in distress)
-Ask directly about suicide ideation and plans
2. Understanding Choices→demonstrating you understand the person
-hear their story (allow their “death side” to speak and be listened to)
-find a turning point (moment where person’s “life side” begins to speak, after their death side has been heard)
3. Assisting Life →demonstrating you will help the person
-develop a safety plan with the person
-confirm actions to be safer
The suicide prevention training that I received was Applied Suicide Intervention Skills Training (ASIST). Here’s the link to it if anyone is interested in exploring it.
https://livingworks.net/training/livingworks-asist/
At the end of the day, situations and conversations do not always go perfectly to plan and being empathetic, caring, sometimes stubborn, and thinking on your toes might end up being what works. Not every situation follows the same map of events/steps but they are useful to be aware of. Other information that is useful to be aware of is the following hotlines and resources:
The International Association for Suicide Prevention has a website where you can search for hotlines and other resources in various countries across the globe:
https://www.iasp.info/suicidalthoughts/
The Trans Lifeline (a nonprofit run by/for trans people) offers a hotline Monday through Friday (limited hours) in US and Canada:
US (877) 565-8860
CAN (877) 330-6366
On their website (https://translifeline.org/hotline/) they note that calls include a trans/genderqueer operator, anonymity for the caller, and “No nonconsensual active rescue (calling 911, emergency services, or law enforcement)”
The Trevor Project has a suicide hotline specifically designed for LGBTQ+ youth and young adults (under age 25). Their phone number is:
1-866-488-7386
Other resources (ex. Chats) can be found on their website: https://www.thetrevorproject.org/
The national suicide hotline in the United States is
988
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There’s something both very satisfying and very bittersweet about creating a story where Garou is definitively transgender. Writing Garou as a transgender teen/young adult is incredibly easy because most of the experiences he presents with or is hinted to live with in cannon– bullying, social outcasting, bad experiences with authority, alienation from family, potential homelessness, suicidal behavior (yes, egging on a mob of heros to kill you counts) – these are all struggles that are statistically more likely to happen to transgender people in their lives. (Not to say that these will happen to every trans person -- but it is more likely)
Anyone can be suicidal, but some populations are higher risk. The 2022 Trans Survey found that approximately 40% of transgender people have considered suicide, compared to 5% of the general population. Despite the heightened risk, transgender people are also less likely to receive care than the general population. (Source https://transequality.org/sites/default/files/2025-06/USTS_2022Health%26WellbeingReport_WEB.pdf)
Despite this, in 2025 the Trump Administration terminated the LGBTQ+ youth services provided through the national suicide hotline (previously there was a PRESS 3 option for LGBTQ+ informed intervention/care). Currently there are talks of it being brought back due to Congress directing for a dedicated chunk of funding to go toward reviving it, but there are concerns that it will be less effective, and it does not partner with the Trevor Project (https://www.thetrevorproject.org/) as it did in the past.
(Source: https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2026/jun/26/trump-administration-lgbtq-suicide-hotline)
So I guess, in conclusion, the real monsters really are just big jerks in suits. And that means we all gotta look out for each other, help each other through the day to day, and look forward to witnessing the moment that the underdog wins–because each act of survival, and empathy, is exactly that.
Take care of yourselves, take care of each other, and never hesitate to ask for help. I am rooting for you! And so are a lot of others, even if you can’t hear them.
Very sincerely,
Mistakeandcheese
