Everyday Thoughts

The tears I held back

When he didn’t want to talk to me

When they blame me of everything that went missing

When they accused me, I’m a bad mom

When I was forced to do something I didn’t want to do

Today, I’m weaker.

Today, it just hurt so much.

I prayed to Him this life full of pain would stop.

Nothing happened.

So today, I just cried.

- Ms. Violet 💜

📸 ctto

All I want to do is to smoke then sleep. 🔁

I started imagining a terrible accident. I’m feeling me falling down in a blink of an eye. Hearing my bones crack, my skull hitting the floor. Feeling the pain of my skin scraping. My thoughts spinning. Me sinking in an endless darkness. I’m not fighting it. It’s pulling me but I want it. And it’s suddenly nothing. No pain, no memories. Freedom.

But a voice broke my reveries. “You afraid?” I replied eagerly, “No.”

Now I’m still alive. I was never that drawn to the thought of dying that I wished it just had happened. But then I also think that this needs to be written.

- Ms. Violet 💜

How do you know you’re strong?

No one is proud having me. And I know that.

— Ms. Violet 💜

I wasn’t able to show you a pretty face. Simply because, I don’t have that. But I showed you my vulnerability. And you decided it’s never enough.

— Ms. Violet 💜

Just done watching: I want to Eat Your Pancreas

Promises were broken.

There were so many things left undone.

Many words left unexpressed.

We only got one shot in this life.

The question is: If it’s gonna be my last day alive, what will you tell me?

— Ms. Violet 💜

Dear self,

These tears I shed today are a sum of all the times I said to everyone “I’m okay.”

— Violet

Still not good enough

Still forced to get up

I’m 70% tears and 30% self hate.

— Ms. Violet 💜

Repercussions

Your words and action have effects

They can either magically make flowers bloom

Or can easily turn into a hurricane that can destroy a garden.

— Ms. Violet 💜

These were the sleepless nights

Got no one but this smoke ‘round me

Under these vast galaxy,

I still wish we’re both staring at our favorite stars

// Somehow

— Ms. Violet 💜