Welcome to my Little Corner

Can someone tell me the exact moment I became a human pinching bag... So I can go back to that time and punch myself in the face for being so stupid...

Because that specific sting makes everything else go away...

Thinking about you... Take the opportunity... It's an easy out... Say thank you...

I just don't know anymore...

There is nothing I want more than to get out of here... In all honesty I don't want to start college in a couple weeks... Instead I want to pick up and disapear... I want to fade until I am gone, and I know that won't take long. I want to drive until I find a town where no one will find me. I want to disconnect my phone and use a fake name. I want to foget who I am right now and make someone completely new. I want to remeber what it feels like to be truely happy and stress free... Get away from all the people... All the work... All aspects of this life... I want to vanish... And no one will ever find me...

When you lose a best friend and keep going over senarios in your head, wondering where you went wrong... I know it's not all my fault. She is to blame as well. But I just don't understand and that is all I want. I want a real reason. I want to know what I said or did. And I know this sounds selfish, but I seriously do not see what I did wrong. She was the one that chose other people over me. She was the one that didn't want to work to mend something she helped rip to pieces...She is the one that wont tell me what I did wrong to begin with... I know I say I don't care and that I will make new friends and be happy but I just feel like there is a big hole in my chest. I do care. I just don't want to. I told my boy I hated her. Her and all the others that left as soon as senior year ended... But I could never hate someone that did the things she did for me. But I want to. I want to hate her more than I hate someone else (which is damn near impossible) just so it doesn't hurt like this... I wish I could hate her... I know she will do amazing things... I just want to know what I did that made it so I don't get to be there with her.. Or... Maybe it's like my mom said. She needs to go out and get kncked down before she realizes who is really there.... I don't know... What I do know is that she will never see this... Because I have kept my tumblr hidden from all my "friends"... But that doesn't mean I didn't wish she would... Just so she knows I love her...

I want to start doing a vlog type thing but what would the point even be and who would want to waste their time listening to me... Eh... I wish I was interesting enough... Too bad I am sadly ordinary.