Observe. Learn. Read. Think. Write. Paint

It was March of this year (2022), that I was confused and maybe somehow lost on track of myself. I couldn't understand what I wanted. I couldn't see where I am going. I do not know what I was looking for.

So, I get into a dating app. I was there to chill. To see what's in there. I wasn't trying to get into a relationship. I was there to observe, to see, to know how things work on such app. So there I was, swiped right on few and swiped left most of the time. I wasn't interested on relationship hunting because I know I wasn't ready yet and that wasn't the right place to get a good man.

I did not turned on the notification on that app because it wasn't an important. Every time I opened the app, there was likes or someone who swipe right on me. They won't be able to message you if you do not swipe on them, so most of the time, I only swipe on who I feel, of course, I am readinf first before swiping to avoid misconceptions.

Fews day passed, it works normal, talk to few and when it feels boring, I unmatch. The next week passed, still the same as usual, talk to this and that, "hi hello how are you?", I replied back, and when it gets boring, my fingers automatically unmatched. Few weeks passed, I do not give attention to the app. I wasn't interested at all. So I decided to delete the app because I cannot find myself on that place. I do not see myself enjoying, and men gets boring to talk with. A nonsense, selfish and conceited men stays there who can't get a match because they are too choosy and playful.

One day, I came accross on opening the app again, to finally give last chance for myself. I read, check bio, swipe left and swipe right. I swipe right on someone. At first, I do not intend to get into conversation with him because I am going to delete the app anyway. We started a conversation, the usual, repeated, cliché kind of chatting. Then he asked me if we can talk to whatsapp. Mind you, I do not give my number to everyone or even one that I do not know personally. I don't know what happened to me that time why I suddenly gave my number. So there I was, starting to talk with him on the private app.

My head is too full.

I do not understand.

I am thinking over and over.

There are things that I should consider, to accept, to understand.

But what I do not understand, why does the other person do not want to adjust.

I am overwhelmed by the emotions I have for you.

I never thought I would love someone like this.

I even never saw you coming into my crashlanding.

I never have I ever imagined I would come to meet and greet a person like you.

I thank God for He connected our paths.

I thank God for He allowed our roads to cross.

I thank God for gifting you to me.

I thank God for the gift of you.

I thank God for He knows what I needed while I was waiting.

I thank God for He chose you for me.

I thank God for choosing you to be with me.

I pray this love will remain while I breathe the love we have.

I pray you will remain the person whom I have known and met.

Walking beside me.

Sitting beside me.

Talking beside me.

2) I understand what you mentioned above. But that doesn't mean I have to change. This who I am. That is who you are. If you will not adjust for me or I will not adjust for you, there is no understanding between us.

3) This is my reaction to how you treat me. I maybe moody, but I do respect the idea of "promises". If you cannot do what you say, better not to say it. Because someone is expecting you to do things because you said it. Otherwise, do not promise.

4) I respect the time and the person "DURING IN A RELATIONSHIP", for the reason that I AM INVESTING MY TIME AND EMOTIONS. If the person does not do the same, then we are walking on different paths.

5) There's no easy life. Nothing's easy. But a good communication will bring you to easiness and comfort. Just make sure you do not forget the words you said to the person, or else they will think otherwise.

6) The reaction I have made showed how you treated me. Lack of communication will break the relation. If you don't know that, then maybe you start knowing now.

7) I am investing my time and feelings to you, and do I deserve to be ignored and left without words?

8) I understand you are not talkative, but that doesn't mean I'm forcing you to talk. It is "communication" between two people "in a relationship".

9) I will not change, but I will adjust. So do you.

10) I am not saying I agreed, but I will try to adjust with the time, feelings, moods and whatever it may be.