be still.

*finishes suckin a dick **crushes it against my forehead like a beer can

Reblogging this once more because my mom and I legitimately laughed to tears.

this is my favorite video on the internet

mental health tip: save this video. watch it when you’re sad. it’s the best goddamn thing on the internet

Maybe ‘Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?’ isn’t a show that displays how stupid grown adults can be, but rather, a show that depicts how much useless information we teach grade schoolers that won’t be retained or applicable later in life.

no similes, we die

Me as a lawyer: “Your honor, when does the Law and Order theme song play, or do we have to hum it ourselves?”

don’t worry, you’re still in the “early life” part of your wikipedia page