Hospital Angst au where Hiccup is a surgeon in training and Jack is an inpatient with cyanosis (hands and feet are blue) and the doctors cant figure out WHY. Unfortunately for them, despite being sick (?) and susceptible to pneumonia currently, Jack still runs around and sneaks away to goof off or visit the children's ward. Hiccup gets familiar with Jack after seeing him almost every day and having to guide him back to bed.
They eventually find out later Jack has a pulmonary embolism in his heart. Over a few months, they try pills but nothing works. Jack remains blue tipped, heaving for breath and weak. Finally, they decide surgery is the only option. And Hiccup has to do it.
During the time leading up to the decision of surgery, Hiccup falls for Jack. Jack who sneaks off to see the kids and act as a big brother to them, brightening their days in hospice. Hiccup learns Jack's sister was in the hospital for a long time. Jack became her donator. He gave her everything. Bone marrow, blood, organs, anything he could. She recovered and is doing fine. Jack can't bear to see children in the position she was in. Jack who makes the nurses laugh and helps tame disorderly patients.
Jack falls just as easily. For Hiccup, the only person in this damn building who doesn't treat him like glass. Who treats him like an equal and doesn't give him pity. Who just... Sees him. Not for anything else but for his company. Hiccup with a big heart to help others. Hiccup who is a nerd but willing to do what he can. Hiccup who has to do the surgery due to his job and a fearful Jack pleading him to.
Jack won't go through with surgery unless it's Hiccup. Hiccup staring down at the man he loves, chest open. Heart literally in his hands. The clot is too massive for a man this kind.
Jack is ventilated, growing bluer by the days. Hiccup spends weeks begging someone with the right blood type and heart to... Pass? Willingly go under the knife for someone they don't know? He waits. And waits.
But they never do find a heart. Jack isn't as important as some of the other patients who have waited years for a new heart. His family can barely stand to go on like this. The doctors are not sure Jack will ever wake. Two years of suffering go by. They pull the plug on Jack's 25th birthday.
Hiccup leaves the medical field before graduation. He mourns the man he barely knew but learned to love. He floats from job to job. Hating himself all those years because he took a life before he could properly save one. He avoids hospitals as much as he can. He's broken.
Astrid is about to give birth three years later. She doesn't ask for Hiccup to be there but it would be shitty for the god father not to come. He tries to fight all the demons built up over his guilt and makes the terrifying walk to the pregnancy ward.
But to do that, he has to pass the same ward Jack stayed in. So he does the smart thing and goes the longest route possible. Some faces recognize him and quietly let him go down hallways he really shouldn't. They can see the sadness in his eyes. Remember him breaking down after fucking up Jack's surgery. He passes the places they would seek each other all those years ago: the Janitor's closet, the broken elevator, the dining hall, the children's ward.
This last one Hiccup lingers at the most. Jack loved it here. It was basically his home away from home. Hiccup passes by open doors and large rooms kids would sit in to talk or draw or play board games. He stops at one he doesn't recognize. The Winter Room, the plaque says. Funded by the Overland family. Rest in Peace-
Hiccup clamps a hand over his mouth. To hold back a scream or his turning stomach, he isn't sure.
He can't help himself. Love is a cruel poison and Hiccup could never really get over the bitterness of it dripping down his throat. He walks in. Snow is painted on the wall, a scenery Hiccup can't place until he remembers Jack telling him about his home. Ice skating with his sister. Snow days and snow fights. The ones he wanted to bring Hiccup to. Hiccup has no tears left to cry. He's cried for years, couldn't push a tear out if he tried. So he sinks into the feeling. He sinks into what is left of Jack.
Over in the corner, a child hooked up to a couple of IVs is drawing. Hiccup saw a parent and nurse speaking lowly outside the room. Ah. He must be in hospice or going soon. Hiccup knows those looks.
Then he notices the kid is mumbling to himself. Giggling. And looking up as if someone is next to him talking to him? Poor boy must be delusional. Well, Hiccup doesn't look much better standing here. Astrid is gonna kill him for being late. He turns to leave.
"Jack, I said snowman not snow dog!"
Hiccup freezes. It feels like the room drops 10 degrees. He swore he heard the boy say that name. He couldn't tune out that name if he wanted to. But surely, this coincidence is just so he buries deeper into his self loathing. He grits his teeth. Steals himself. He will not see him there. He watches him pass. There is no-
The boy giggles louder, "Jack!"
Hiccup is moving before he realizes it, spinning on his feet. Nearly falls over with the speed of it. Nearly faints at the sight.
A man is sitting in the chair next to the boy. His hair is white, clothes blue but covered in ice on the edges. He laughs and fuck Hiccup knows that laugh. He dreams of it. Hears it when the quiet is too much.
He watches the man draw with his finger on the table. Ice blooms where he makes contact with the table. Different animals form and fade. He turns and Hiccup sees that grin. That glorious fucking grin.
The man turns around quickly, eyes wide. He looks startled. Elated. Confused.
The kid's jaw dropped. He turns to look between the two and says, "I thought adults couldn't see you?"
"I did too," Jack mumbles because it's really him and Hiccup might tackle him.
"Where-how-" Hiccup stumbles closer.
Jack gets up slowly, a look of concern and unease on his face. Adoro of hope lingers in his words. "You can see me?"
"Jack- Gods- you're here?"
"Jamie... Go to your mom."
"Go. It's ok. I'm not sure what's up with him," Jack mutters lowly. "Might be like old man Jensen down the hall." He twirls his finger on the side of his head.
Hiccup can feel the pit that was slowly filling quickly becoming a chasm. He knows in his soul before any intellectual thought comes to him, any excuse.
Jack does not remember him.
