ᴄɪᴛɪᴢᴇɴ ᴅᴇᴛᴇᴄᴛɪᴠᴇ.

it'd hung in the stale air between them for years; the transponder. the fried wires and dented casing, and the bitter, punishing winter that'd numbed any fury natalie might've felt, the moment she'd seen it cradled in misty's hands, right out of her mind. still, it was an ancient secret. a skeleton, unearthed from some warped old closet, carried for so long that she couldn't imagine walking around without it.

letting it loose now, just to get some miniscule, barely palpable burden off her chest, was pointless.

" I let a lot of people down, " she supplied, in drawled deflection, and pushed the martini glass in front of her in misty's direction. that admission came off cool, flippant; but underneath there existed a pain that'd never gone away. a regret that'd been with her longer than any faded needle mark, any fresh ear piercing — just as long as the faint knife - scar that still marked her shin. she had. she'd fallen short of so many expectations over the years. disappointed her catatonic mother, more stranger to her than parent. she'd never get to apologise to javi. or travis. or anyone else they'd lost instead of her. ( at least misty, in her misguided efforts to keep close, to give her misplaced reverence, didn't need that from her. )

Her life could have been very different. She could have had no life for the last twenty-fives years. She could have easily been one of the others who didn't make it home. Natalie had had that choice, the power to end her life with a simple admission to the others. Yet she hadn't. She had, instead, spared Misty's life only to then save it in the end with calling for help.

It's something she hasn't thought of in all these years. A secret shared between them and left out in those woods. Because if she thought about it, really let it nestle down into every inch of her being, the guilt would have been too much to bear. She knew she had been reckless and endangered them all by destroying it, that her need to be wanted and useful, had caused the deaths of many people she considered friends. And she does think about it, sometimes, when her mind drifts for too long, when she's still and doing nothing and it comes creeping to the front. Reminding her that her hands were covered, dripping with blood.

Speaking of it now, with Natalie, she can almost feel that last winter nipping at her. Her hands ache and fingers curl to make fists for just a brief moment, but long enough for her to shiver. She all but forces her hands to relax as she looks to the other, swallowing as words hang in the air like stale cigarette smoke. But she meant it. Natalie had never disappointed her nor let her down.

"Is that what you tell yourself or what...others have said?" the petite blonde asked after a moment or two. There was hesitation in the question, but there was always hesitation thrown towards the other. A desire to never upset her, to tread carefully incase she decided to lash out; she'd take it, if she did lash out. "You saved us, Natalie. It wasn't me, Van, no one else saved us. But you. And that doesn't scream disappointment," she added. However, she knew there was more to it, that that disappointment wasn't about coming home. It was about what Nat had done once they were home.

Misty finally takes hold of the martini glass and though she wishes to enjoy the fact that her drink of choice was remembered, she wished for something stronger. She drinks the chocolate martini regardless, taking a sip and savoring the rich flavors blending with the vodka. Glass is returned and hand is idle as finger drags along the stem of the glass as she listened to Nat.

Most of the time, Nat didn't really know what to think of Misty. The mousy girl who just seemed desperate for approval, flitting between all of them - ready to prove her loyalty to whoever would get her the most attention. Always trying to be involved in every meeting, being shooed away. Her medical knowledge sometimes being the only thing to keep them alive out here. Misty ... was her own enigma, and Nat's feelings towards her always felt mixed.

There was no denying what she craved. It was something she had sought out even before the crash, something that continued to elude her despite her best efforts. Little by little, she would do her best to make herself more likeable, even if that meant lying or spreading a rumor. So long as she was included in it, she never really stopped to take into consideration what could or would happen to her. But this was no place to be indulging herself in partaking in old habits, not when it was life or death out here.

And like most times, there wasn't much thought behind her actions. When she had told Shauna about Nat possibly knowing where coach was, she hadn't thought anything of it. At least nothing outside of being on Shauna's good side, avoiding death stares and any future attacks. And of course, being involved and included. Because deep down, Misty never thought that they would find Ben or that they would run across him again. She had hoped for that, above all else, that he was either out there or hadn't survived.

She should have thought better, should have actually thought.

Hands are in her lap as head hangs and eyes avert Natalie's gaze. She had failed Ben, failed Nat, she had failed. She hadn't been good enough to defend him, to make the others believe that he couldn't and hadn't set the cabin on fire. But Shauna, Gods, Shauna's way of instilling fear in the others to sway them had been too powerful. And she's thinking of this when the others voice cuts through her thoughts, head rising slightly to finally glance towards her.

@misquigley

" Hey, I'm talking to you, four eyes. Over here! "

Brows furrow and scrunch together as her gaze shifts to look towards the animal pin. "I have a name," she stated in an exasperated tone. Fingers adjusted broken glasses better on her face as she waited a moment or two before she began to move towards the the pin. To think she had survived a plane crash and then months out here, her glasses fully in tact and then he shows up and tries to shoot her!

he's been doing laps around the little pen, to hannah's annoyance, just scoping out the little village for any way of discrete escape. it was impressive, and that was coming from him; he lived on the land, but not like this. this was HARDCORE. impressive and terrifying, all the same.

" add me to the top of the list. I gotta take a leak. "

They weren't supposed to be talking to them. Or at least getting to know them, but she didn't feel like being referred to as four eyes forever how long Kodiak and Hannah were going to be around for. So with a bit of hesitation and an annoyed sigh, she figured it'd be fine for him to know her name. "Misty," she stated flatly as she stared up at him.

She hadn't thought they'd find somewhere to call home for the time being. But the group had came together and they had gotten lucky with finding that book on architecture. Now they wouldn't have to brave the cold completely when and if they had to stay here through another winter.

150,000 people died every day across the globe. Some from natural causes, others from disease or illness, and some from freak accidents. But it didn't matter how a person died, just that they did. The one thing that would forever be consistent and natural in this world. As unforgiving as death was, it was at least something one could count on to always happen. And they, well, they knew death in a far more intimate way than anyone else ever would. Even more than the nurses, doctors, and orderlies in this very hospital ever would.

Misty knew that death would come for them all. She also knew that it had came for Van more than once and that they had somehow miraculously defeated the odds time and time again. But now, now it wasn't looking so good. Having witnessed her fair share of patients go through the battles and struggles of late stage cancer, she knew it was not a pretty nor a comfortable experience. And it wasn't for anyone involved, least of all a loved one and Taissa was in that slot for the other.

The floor they had just been on moments ago, it was no doubt where Van would eventually wind up at. She knew this but did not speak it because she didn't wish to add Taissa's suffering. Nor her own because though she didn't have much of a relationship with Van, she was still a Yellowjackets. She was still the wise cracking jokester who had tried to keep their spirits high out there. The only one who could retell the complete story and plotline of a movie that all of them had all but forgotten about. Van was Van.

Hearing the question, it brings her out of her own sadness, eyes blinking and head tipping back enough to lock eyes with her. "I don't know," the nurse whispered, hand raising so that fingers could gently push glasses up nose. "But that doesn't mean it didn't work. We'll just...have to wait and see..." she was quick to add, not wanting to send Tai off searching for another sacrifice. They would cross that bridge later if it came to it. Her next action was hesitant, slow and unsure but she knew it was what she would have wanted if roles were reversed ( they had been not even six months ago. )

she takes in misty's words, almost ready to bolt again as she speaks. i don't know wasn't good enough. she needed confirmation. something to hold onto. waiting and seeing didn't seem right when they could act now. if she needed to, this could be her whole life.. finding new people to appease the wilderness just so they could grow old together. maybe even misty could help - being a nurse and all. it would be easy. simple. nobody would know a thing.

she freezes upon feeling misty's touch, surprised more then anything else. it's something she didn't know she needed, even if her first reaction to this at any other time would just be to say that she's fine and move on. but she closes her eyes instead, so incredibly desperate to fix everything. her voice is shaky once she speaks, her own arms coming to wrap around the blonde woman.

Death was as common to them as breathing was. At least it had been that way once upon a time. But they weren't girls in those woods anymore, no, they were adults and home. Where nothing bad was supposed to happen. And this was Van of all people! So even the idea of them dying because of cancer left the blonde teetering on the edge of denial. Because it didn't matter if she had the knowledge, knew that people who reached stage four of any cancer, their odds were not favorable to surviving it. Because it was Van Palmer.

And she was dealing with the Taissa Turner who would not fare well if this was it for the redhead. Even though she said I don't know—it was true though because it'd been so long since she'd even thought about It—she knew she had to will it into existence. If they ( they were in this together, just like they were out there ) had to kill another person, so be it. Misty wasn't above taking a life and neither was Taissa, especially if it meant helping Van. She would at least be able to use her credentials to find the right people, those that deserved it or otherwise were not long for this world.

With arms wrapped around her tall frame, the nurse is surprised that she's allowed to hug her. That she wasn't shoved away or told to let go. It just showed how serious the situation was and how much Tai was hurting in this moment. So she kept her arms around her, head resting against shoulder as she breathed evenly, hoping it would aid in calming her. "We'll figure it out, okay? Together," she assured her, hand rubbing along her back.

you're, like, HOLDING ON to me or whatever.

independent & mutually exclusive JACKIE TAYLOR from yellowjackets. haunted by august (25+, they/them). triggering themes will occur. not spoiler free, but spoilers will be tagged. an analysis of insecurity, a failure to meet your parents’ expectations, COMPULSIVE HETEROSEXUALITY, losing your purpose, & finding yourself. minors dni.

@misquigley

" Hey, I'm talking to you, four eyes. Over here! "

Brows furrow and scrunch together as her gaze shifts to look towards the animal pin. "I have a name," she stated in an exasperated tone. Fingers adjusted broken glasses better on her face as she waited a moment or two before she began to move towards the the pin. To think she had survived a plane crash and then months out here, her glasses fully in tact and then he shows up and tries to shoot her!