Nocturnal reveries

you couldn’t remember the last time you’d slept through an entire night without waking up every few hours and staring blankly at the ceiling, spiraling thoughts keeping you company until sunrise. 

instead, you had a deep and comfortable sleep. the kind you genuinely thought stopped existing for you years ago. 

and somehow, against all reason, your brain supplied the answer before you could stop it. 

satoru. 

you physically recoiled from the thought. 

the movement caused satoru’s grip to tighten instinctively around your waist and your stomach dropped. 

fuck, this was so so so bad. 

your rules were practically meaningless now. 

you carefully lifted his arm from your waist, holding your breath the entire time as you slowly untangled yourself from him. 

after waiting for a second, eyes trained on his features, he was unmoving still and you breathed out. 

the second your feet touched the carpeted floors, relief flooded through you.

your clothes from last night were dry now, resting against the armchair and you made a beeline for the items, putting them on quickly but quietly. 

as your jeans buttoned fully, you heard shuffling from the bed behind you and your heart dropped. 

slowly, almost amusingly careful, you turned around to see that satoru hadn’t moved from his position. 

one arm tucked beneath his head, icy eyes half-open beneath the morning light as he watched you from his place in bed. 

for the first time since you’d met the boy, you felt your stomach churn. 

your stomach fluttered, not anxiety exactly, but something closer to apprehension. 

you could barely name it, but you felt a bit nervous. 

you were never nervous!

“um, i uh-” you cleared your throat once as satoru watched you lowly, jaw clenched under your gaze, “i should get home.” 

a beat passed, then another and you hated to admit how much you despised silence from satoru. he was always irritatingly loud and his silence kind of unnerved you. 

your eyes didn’t leave him, wide and watching, unusually unguarded and even he could see that. 

satoru closed his eyes once more then, pulling the blanket up higher to his chin and essentially going back to sleep. 

you felt a pang in your chest, his hurt practically tangible in the air between you. 

it isn’t my fault!

you had to remind yourself of that. the nature of your relationship was laid out clearly and he couldn’t blame you for re-establishing them every time you accidentally stepped over the line. 

so with that, you grabbed your bag from beside the door and exited his room. 

unbeknownst to you, satoru’s eyes fluttered open once more, chest heavy as he watched the door to his room close and he felt his jaw clench. 

and for once, it wasn’t hurt that settled but anger. 

fucking annoyance. 

it was utterly irritating how you refused to let him in. 

you were a fucking nuissance and he wanted you more than anything. 

☀︎

there was something wrong with you, you were sure. 

why was your anxiety flaring up? why were you so uneasy? 

why is satoru being off with you throwing you off your axis?

you noticed the change instantly, but refused to acknowledge it. 

it’s been three days since you’d woken up atop satoru gojo and he’d made no effort to see or text you since then. three.

this was unusual considering the frat president normally found at least six excuses a day to bother you. 

you’d become accustomed to random texts that made no sense, texts telling you to come to parties or him simply sending you his location. 

you’d ignore most of them anyways, so when your phone remained suspiciously quiet, you simply carried on with your day. 

what did it matter? if anything, space was perfect after the way you’d embarrassingly been atop him that morning. 

except you kept glancing at your phone throughout the second day then immediately becoming increasingly irritated with yourself. 

what were you expecting exactly? a good morning text? 

ugh, you nearly gagged at the thought. 

your feet swung back and forth where you’d been laying on your stomach atop your bedsheets. 

when your thumbs hovered over his contact anyways, you blamed it on the fact that you were bored and needed a distraction. 

trouble: come over?  8:32pm

his response came twenty minutes later. twenty. 

usually, the text would barely be received before he’d already answered. 

and the response made you wish you had never sent a text in the first place.

gojo: busy  8:54pm

busy? busy? 

your jaw clenched momentarily, a feeling you weren’t quite used to settling in your stomach like a bag of bricks. 

his text was left unanswered. 

you blamed the stupid storm and your stupid self for letting yourself sleep, unknowingly making you more vulnerable. 

you wanted nothing more than to go back and erase that from happening completely, but you couldn’t. so you’ll settle for regret. 

you were sprawled out on the grass beside luna, attempting to work on your paper while she rambled on about some girls from her economics lecture. 

it was sunny that day, warm enough that students littered the campus in little groups. 

“so, i told her-” luna paused momentarily, “are you even listening?” 

your eyes snapped to her from where you’d been scanning the quad, huffing with a short nod quickly, cheeks uncharacteristically warm. 

“yes, of course i’m listening!”

luna seemed unconvinced, eyes narrowed but she didn’t spare one more second before going back into her discussion. that’s what you loved about luna, she was truly the perfect distraction. 

until she started asking a million questions, then you were simply annoyed. 

it was a tuesday, meaning satoru usually came by after practice despite not having a single class anywhere near the science building. 

he always showed up purely to pester you like a particularly persistent stray cat. 

sometimes he’d bring you a cherry coke, sometimes a chai latte, depending on the weather. and sometimes he’d bring pastries and sit beside you, absolutely annoying you to near death. 

you thought you’d feel relief once he stopped, except your eyes kept drifting around, waiting for him to appear. no, willing him to appear. 

just as you went to snap yourself out of this limbo he’d put you in, you spotted him. 

it was embarrassing how your stomach instantly settled. 

only to drop again. 

satoru walked across the quad with nanami beside him, hands tucked into the pockets of his sweats as his sunglasses rested atop his head. 

satoru was laughing at something nanami had said, properly laughing and your eyes followed him automatically. 

satoru glanced over, gaze finding yours as if fate herself had dragged his eyes over. 

your face remained neutral but you didn’t look away. but he did. 

satoru looked away without a grin, a wave or coming over, simply leaving alongside his friend. 

your stomach twisted unpleasantly, eyes immediately moving downcast. 

“ouch…” luna stated as she turned to watch you. 

you lifted your head up, eyes blank, “what?” 

luna’s brows raised, “weren’t you two, like, besties just last week?” 

your ribs tightened, “tch. i told you we’re not friends.” 

and it was true. you weren’t lying. 

satoru and you were anything but friends, barely even acquaintances! 

so why should you care that he was being so annoying?

“you sure?” luna hummed, violet hair bouncing a bit, “cuz everytime we sit here, he’s really eager to-” 

“luna.” you cut off, refusing to acknowledge the pit at your stomach, “satoru means nothing to me. can we stop talking about this?” 

you placed your ipad beside you on the grass, huffing as you pulled your legs to your chest, resting your chin on your knees. 

ugh, he was so irritating!

you don’t remember the last time you spared any person, besides your brothers and grandma, this much thought. let alone satoru! 

that’s what you liked about him from the start, that you didn’t have to think when you were with him. he’s ruining everything!

“did he say anything about tonight’s party?” 

your ears perked up like a damn cat, head turning to face her, “party?” 

“mhmm.” luna nodded eagerly, ever the biggest fan of sartoru’s idiot frat, “i’m not sure of the theme but it should be insane! can he invite us?” 

your tongue poked against your cheek, eyes narrowed on your friend as your mind moved a mile a minute. 

practically every party satoru had ever invited you to, you’d rejected. 

and now he didn’t even bother to invite you. that just irritated you more. 

“we’re invited luna.” you smiled at her, almost smirking as she narrowed her eyes at you but grinned eagerly regardless. 

“seriously?” she excitedly voiced as you nodded with a shrug. 

“yup.” you nodded once, “we’re going.”

luna eyed you suspiciously, uncharacteristically wary about a party, “you sure? do you even know the theme?”

no, you didn’t. but how hard would that be to figure out? 

you’d become somewhat friendly with the frat the last few months. well, at least your kind of friendly. 

you could just ask. 

☀︎

it was an ABC party. 

Anything But Clothes. 

music bled through the walls violently enough that you could feel the bass vibrating beneath your shoes while bodies crowded the front lawn in every imaginable interpretation of the theme. 

people wearing trash bags were on the roof, a girl wearing a whole outfit made from beer boxes waiting in line for sukuna to let her in and a guy walked past wearing nothing but purple bubble wrap around his crotch. 

“college is a disease.” you muttered as you watched the insane state of the alpha phi house. 

luna snorted beside you, “says the girl wearing caution tape.” 

you glanced down at yourself, the bright yellow tape wrapped around your body in overlapping strips, creating a sort of mini dress. technically. 

it had taken nearly two hours and a breakdown to assemble. 

“ugh, this is ridiculous.” 

“hey, you look hot!” luna stated with a grin as she adjusted her makeshift crop top that was made out of playing cards. she looked great too. 

“alright, let’s go.” you stated as you looked at the line outside the frat that stretched down the porch steps and practically down the block. 

pledges stood near the entrance checking names while drunk sophomore and freshman attempted to negotiate. 

your stomach twisted then. maybe this was all stupid. 

fuck, you should’ve stayed home! what were you even thinking? 

satoru obviously doesn’t want you here and he clearly has no interest in speaking to you. 

“next.” the deep voice immediately pulled your attention forward. 

sukuna. of course.

the vice president stood at the front of the door like a nightclub bouncer from hell, arms crossed and expression murderous. 

so murderous, you didn’t even feel the need to laugh at the pool noodles wrapped around his crotch like a diaper. 

he looked thoroughly unimpressed as the guy stepped forward, “c-carson.” 

the poor freshman in front of him visibly swallowed as sukuna looked down at his phone. 

he didn't even speak, simply looked up and shot the kid a look, as if daring him to argue that he was on the list. 

“um, i-”

“next!” 

luna winced from beside you, “as much as i would love sukuna to yell at me, he’s really scary.” 

you nodded once, “he enjoys this.” 

sukuna’s eyes lifted then, rolling his eyes at the two freshman girls babbling excuses and flirtatious remarks at him. then his eyes met yours.

his gaze dropped to the caution tape, slowly and deliberately before lifting back to your face, his lip twitching. 

“what the fuck are you wearing?” 

you scoffed, “i know you’re not asking me that.” 

sukuna’s smirk instantly fell, as if you reminded him just how ridiculous he looked, “shut up.” 

you grinned falsely as sukuna rolled his eyes once, looking mildly annoyed which probably meant he wasn’t actually annoyed. 

“name.” he stated flatly, eyes tinged with a touch of amusement. 

your eyes narrowed, “you know my name-”

“name.” 

he raised a brow as you stared back, eyes narrowed and arms crossed. 

luna was practically trembling beside you, hand reaching out to hold your arm, as if in warning. 

“um, she’s not even in line!” a freshman girl whined from the front of the line, pouting up at the salmon haired man. 

he offered her a sharp side eye that not only made her shrink back but her and her friend both scurried away. 

you’d barely paid attention to him at that point because you saw a glimpse of white hair inside the house and your heart flipped once. 

“not on here.” sukuna announced after glancing at his phone, a smirk tilting his mouth up as you glared at him. 

“well, check again.” you demanded, arms crossing once more, eyes frantic as they tried to follow the moving head of white. you knew damn well your name wasn’t on that list on his stupid phone. 

sukuna raised a brow once more, “i’d be nicer to me, sweetheart. m’the one that can magically make you appear on this list.” 

your jaw clenched once as his smirk remained painted on his ruggedly handsome face. 

this asshole. 

“um, maybe we should just go-” 

“let me in, asshole.” 

the words left you before you could stop them, tumbling from the tip of your tongue, absolutely riddled with your desperation to get inside. 

luna practically squeaked as her wide eyes looked between you and sukuna. 

the front of the line had gone quiet as well, awaiting the wrath of the vice president. 

meanwhile, sukuna’s face didn’t change and if anything, his smirk widened. 

“that your version of nice?” 

he almost sounded amused but you were anything but, huffing gently as your features melted into a scowl, “what do you want?” 

sukuna huffed out a laugh, “how bout we say you owe me one.” 

now, you didn’t know sukuna all that well but you knew enough to know that owing ryomen sukuna could not be a good thing. 

you, in your right state of mind, would have simply walked away, but you weren’t in the right state of mind. you were under some sort of curse caused by the frat president and you would do anything to stop feeling this way.

you’d been feeling weird the past few days and desperation to see satoru clung to your bones. you were probably just sexualy frustrated, that was all. 

“fine.” 

sukuna’s smirk widened, stepping away from the door, “have fun, sweetheart.” 

you merely shot him a glare as luna clung to your arm as you both walked into the chaos of the party that looked somehow worse from the inside. 

music rattled your ribcage, people dancing on tables and a girl had fully had two solo cups on each breast and around eight covering her lower half. 

“this is insane!” luna practically squealed, the words of fear she wanted to utter about sukuna dying in her throat, “look, it’s cole! i’m gonna go before ava gets to him!” 

she didn’t give you the chance to respond before she was zooming past you towards the blonde who you assumed to be cole. 

you shook your head softly, eyes lifting as you moved towards the kitchen to grab a drink. 

you willed your eyes to keep forward and not to scan the entire room like you desperately wanted to. 

with a small sigh, you grabbed a drink and leaned back on the counter, eyes drifting across the sea of people.  

you were not looking for satoru. you simply wanted to walk around, so you did. 

your feet carried you to each corner of the room, eyes scanning and checking before you made it to the little side room that was usually open. 

and after ten minutes of absolutely not looking for satoru gojo, you’d found him. 

or rather, you’d heard him. 

“YOU HAVE TO MAKE OUT!” 

your brows furrowed as you moved towards the open door and lo and behold, there he was. 

satoru was sprawled across the floor amongst a circle of people, white hair messy and eyes almost bloodshot. 

and he was practically naked. oh god. 

you looked at his version of anything but clothes and you wondered if he missed that the point is that you have to make clothes out of the item. meaning he should not be naked. 

satoru had a three giant ruby christmas bows around his crotch and ass. 

and despite the ridiculousness of it all, he looked damn good. 

his lean figure was leaning back on his hands, muscles bulging and chest glistening with a thin layer of sweat from, no doubt, his partying. 

there were a group of people, around seven, seated on the floor with an empty beer bottle in the middle. 

besides satoru, you’d only recognized nanami and that alone surprised you. 

whatever they were playing, you didn't think nanami would be taking part. 

you weren’t sure how long you’d been standing there but it must’ve been long because when you looked back at satoru, he was already looking at you. 

something flashed across his face as your eyes met his, something akin to relief. 

but you were more focused on the bloodshot nature of his eyes, you had no doubt he was both high and drunk. 

you hated it. 

his gaze softened on you before the softness disappeared just as quickly. 

“hi.” you stated simply as satoru’s jaw clenched at the mere sound of your voice. 

“hey.” the word left him flat, almost cold.

it sounded all wrong, causing your jaw to clench gently. 

what the fuck was his issue?

“we’re playing seven minutes in heaven!” a girl announced, slurring her words as your eyes flatly met hers, “come play so we’re equal!”

your mouth opened to protest-

“she doesn’t wanna play.” satoru stated lowly, bringing his beer to his lips as his gaze avoided yours and your fists clenched. 

fuck him!

without a word, you moved towards the circle, taking a seat directly beside satoru. 

his eyes followed you, almost surprised before his eyes flared in irritation. 

“you look like a mess.” you stated lowly, referring to the distant bloodshot look in his eyes. 

“you look like a construction site.” 

a few people within the circle barked out a laugh as your jaw clenched, satoru’s lips twitching. 

“okay, let’s play.” the girl announced as you looked forward, meeting nanami’s eyes as he shot you a gentle smile that you returned lowly. 

“why are you here?” satoru whispered beside you as you turned to shoot him a glare, irritation bubbling beneath your ribs at his indifference.

two people drunkenly stumbled into the closet in the room, already pawing at each other’s clothes as the girl started the timer. seven minutes. 

“what kind of question is that?” you scoffed, face devoid of emotion as you faced forward once more, ignoring satoru’s gaze on the side of your face. 

“pretty simple one.” 

“it’s a party. people come to parties, y’know.” 

satoru chuckled but it lacked any real humor, “not you. trust me, i’d know that.” 

your eyes flickered over to him then, noting the bitterness lacing his words. 

“what is your problem?” 

finally, his gaze slid towards yours, blue eyes bloodshot and unfairly pretty. 

“don’t got one.” 

you scoffed once more, “yeah, clearly.” 

“careful, sweetheart, you almost sound like you care.” satoru smirked menacingly, voice dipped in bite you weren’t used to from satoru. 

your stomach twisted as realization overcame you, memories of leaving behind a half-asleep satoru plaguing your mind. 

around you, everyone was gossiping, predicting what the two were doing in the closet, unaware of the tension between you both. 

“you’re seriously upset about that?” your voice was back to being monotonous, guard high and eyes blank. satoru felt his stomach twist but his expression didn’t change. 

“upset?” 

“yes.” 

“didn’t know i was upset.” his tone matched yours and you had to fight to remain emotionless because god, you wanted to ring his neck. 

your jaw clenched, “you’re acting pretty upset.”

“and you’re acting like sleeping in my bed was a federal crime.” 

your eyes widened just a bit, “keep your voice down!” 

“why?”

“because!” 

satoru leaned closer, breath fanning over your cheek, “because what?” 

you hated him. you absolutely despised him. 

he always fucking did this, he poked and poked and poked until he found the one thing you didn’t want to talk about. 

your jaw clenched as the two began stumbling out of the closet, hair a mess and clothes askew. 

you looked forward, ignoring the man beside you and you could feel his gaze on the side of your face. 

“you left.” his voice left him quieter now, not as angry and somehow, that felt worse. 

you glanced at him, watching his jaw clench and nostrils flare as he met your gaze, “you always leave, that’s what you do.” 

you looked away again and immediately regretted it as a soft laugh left him, bitter and real. 

“right…” 

your hands turned to fists by your sides, hating that he basically made you prove his point. 

damn him. your stomach clenched because you hadn’t expected his words. 

for a second, he looked tired and something beneath your ribs twisted. 

you really shouldn’t have come, this was just making everything inside you, whatever this sickness was, feel even worse. 

“alright!” the girl running the game clapped loudly, saving you from whatever this conversation would’ve become, “next spin!” 

the bottle spun and everyone starting making suspenseful ooohs and ahhhs. 

you watched it lazily, mind far away as your mind remained occupied on satoru's words.

the bottle spun slower and slower until it stopped, pointing directly at the man beside you. 

the room erupted instantly. 

“GOJO! LET’S GOOO!”

satoru rolled his eyes, smirking lowly as if feeding his fans and you could see the fakeness from where you were. it was pathetic. 

“spin again!” the girl grinned, sitting up wider and you could practically see her entire soul wishing the bottle would stop on her and frankly, you hoped it did. 

so you could fucking leave while he was in the damn closet and forget you’d ever even came. 

satoru’s hand wrapped around the bottle, giving it a hard spin and you watched it rotate. 

once, twice, three times before it gradually slowed…

and your stomach dropped. because the bottle wasn’t stopping, it was landing directly on you. 

everyone cheered, the girls evidently disappointed as you stared at the bottle, then at satoru. 

satoru was already looking at you and for the first time that night, he smiled. a real, him smile. 

slow, dangerous and boyish.

“would ya look at that…” his eyes locked onto yours, “almost like fate, don’t ya think?” 

yes, you really could ring his neck.

☀︎

the second the door shut behind you, the cheering outside became muffled. 

like the rest of the party had been shoved underwater as you entered the dark and cramped closet. the place was small, way too fucking small to fit two people, let alone satoru’s 6’5 ass. 

satoru had been in this very closet a hundred times before with a hundred different girls, different intentions, different conversations or lack-thereof. 

he’d never once felt nervous. yet somehow, standing two feet away from you had his heart betray his decision to distance himself.

“ugh, i can barely breathe…” you complained, crossing your arms as the little light allowed him to only imagine the look of annoyance on your achingly pretty face. 

fuck, when he saw you in that stupid caution tape sorry excuse of a dress, he regretted his decision to go with christmas bows on his cock. 

he was achingly hard for you, not even just physically but mentally. 

he had a heart boner for you too, he concluded. because the mere sight of you made a sense of relief so deeprooted fill him in an instant. 

satoru rolled his eyes at your words, despite the beating of his heart hammering against his chest, “the lack of space is supposed to serve a purpose, sweetheart-”

“stop calling me that!” you huffed out, squirming against him as satoru scoffed. 

“sweetheart?”

“yes! it’s cheesy and stupid and you never call me that, so quit it.” the words left you dripping in annoyance and he relished in pulling that reaction from you. 

any reaction from you was better than your indifference, even if it was severe irritation. 

“you call me gojo and i don’t like it-”

“that’s your name!”

“not to you,” satoru breathed out before realizing how his words sound, “i mean, people i don’t like call me gojo, ones i’m not close to…so, you shouldn’t call me that…”

he was met with silence and he sighed, able to picture you as you practically crawled back into your shell. 

he shook his head as his knees cramped, “fuck, can you just-”

before you knew it, satoru was sinking to the ground with you in his grip, pulling you to sit on his lip, straddling him and though you were caught by surprise, relief filled you instantly at the comfortable position. 

satoru let out a sigh of exasperation as his legs stretched out a bit, head tilting back against the wall. 

you relaxed in his hold, “don’t be so thrilled.” 

satoru barked out a laugh, “rich coming from you.”

your eyes narrowed, “meaning?” 

“meaning you look like somebody’s holding you hostage.”

“you can’t even see me!”

“i can feel it!” 

“well, sorry i didn’t even wanna play.” 

satoru tilted his head as his chest clenched in anticipation, “then why did you?”

your jaw clenched and he could feel you stiffen up in his lap, "because they asked.” 

satoru scoffed once as you squirmed against him, “bullshit.” 

“excuse me?” you shifted again and his jaw clenched, big hands spanning your hips before pulling you down, keeping you there. and you understood his issue, conceding. 

the lack of clothes made it hard to miss. 

“i said bullshit.” satoru repeated, his grip tightening as he shook his head, “you hate people.”

you scoffed gently, “i do not hate people.”

“you hate most people.” 

you rolled your eyes once, “what’s your point?” 

sartoru’s jaw clenched as he debated getting into this. there was a chance, a huge one, that this would just make you want to run even more. 

he may never see you again after today but he would risk it even if the thought made him want to vomit because frankly, he couldn’t take the heartache anymore. 

“why’d you come?” satoru demanded more than asked as your expression flattened, he could fucking feel it. there it was, that goddamn wall that he despised more than anything. 

“i already told you.” you replied as he shook his head. 

“i wanna hear it.” 

“it’s a party. people come to parties.”

“and i already told you, you don’t. name fucking three parties you’ve attended voluntarily.” 

the light from the little sliver of space offered him a look at your irritated expression, you looked annoyed enough to bite him and satoru found himself smiling in victory. 

“you’re insufferable.” you whispered as he grinned. 

“you came anyway.” 

there was this silent understanding, a low hum of truth that filtered between you both, something you’d usually never allow to linger. 

you came for him. and he knew that. and you allowed him to know that. 

that was more than you’ve ever given him before and for now, it was enough. 

silence filled the space momentarily before your voice penetrated it, uncharacteristically soft and low, “you’ve stopped talking to me.” 

the words left you so quietly, he almost missed them but his entire being was so attuned to you that he simply couldn’t miss anything when it came to you.

he blinked once, twice and watched as your face twisted in subtle embarrassment, regret filling you at the vulnerability he could see. as if it escaped you accidentally. 

and his heart nearly punched through his ribs because holy shit, you noticed. not only that, but you cared.

satoru laughed, actually laughed and you felt your face twist in irritation, “what is so funny, asshole?”

satoru’s hand moved to splay across your lower back, pulling you just a bit closer, “you leave every single time we hang out-”

“we don’t hang out, satoru, we have sex!” 

satoru. satoru. satoru. 

you called him satoru and not fucking gojo. 

his chest twisted as if your hand reached through his sternum and petted at his heart that was so entirely gone for you, he was sick. 

“you know what’s crazy?” 

you rolled your eyes, “here we go.” 

“you slept on me!” satoru stated lowly, “you slept on me.”

“don’t remind me.” your arms crossed once more, jaw clenching as satoru scoffed as if he wasn’t even hearing you. 

“you fully drooled on me…”

your face warmed, eyes widening, “i did not!”  

“you literally did!” satoru exclaimed with bright eyes, the anger diminishing just enough for you to recognize him once more. 

you looked genuinely horrified and satoru laughed so hard, he nearly doubled over. 

god, he missed you, he missed this which was honestly pathetic. 

“you’re such an asshole.”

“and you’re a runner.” satoru claimed with a shake of his head, the words slipping out before he could think about them.

your expression changed then, the space between you growing tense once again. 

fuck, he shouldn’t have said that. 

you felt raw, as if someone had stripped you naked, looked for your oldest scar and carved into it again. 

he could tell you were hurt and he was drunk and hurt. and you were right there, close enough to touch, to kiss, to want. 

“i didn’t mean-” 

“it’s fine.” the words left you sharp and it cut through the air as he sighed, hands moving from your hips to his face, digging into it with a shake of his head. 

“no, no it’s not,” he looked at you then, “i’m just drunk and high and stupid…”

you remained quiet, fingers fiddling with the caution tape fraying by your side, jaw clenched and walls up so high, he could barely tell what you were thinking but god, could he feel it. 

then satoru panicked. 

“you give me boners!”

your eyes widened just a bit, startled as you looked up at him, ever the most straightforward man of all time, apparently.

“excuse me?” you breathed out as satoru groaned, mind too jumbled to think properly and honestly, he preferred it this way. 

“you…you give me boners.” satoru stated lowly, slurring just the slightest bit as the last three shots he took back to back twenty minutes ago hit him all at once. 

you sighed gently, “isn’t that the point of our dynamic, satoru?”

satoru groaned as he realized his words didn’t quite mean what he intended for them to mean. 

“no, i mean…” he breathed out slowly, “you give me all kinds of boners like…like in my heart and stuff.”

your brows furrowed in confusion, “i give you…heart boners?”

satoru nodded frantically, hands gripping your hips again, pulling you even closer till you were flush against him, caution tape against his muscled front, “yes! yeah, you…you give me heart boners all the time, even when you're not even there.” 

you were too focused on his body against yours, more specifically, the christmas bow snug against your panties, “you sure, satoru? cuz i can only feel one type of boner right now.”

satoru huffed in irritation as his confession flew right over your head. 

seven minutes suddenly felt way too short and way too long. 

just as his mouth opened to speak, light spilled into the closet and both your eyes squinted up at nanami who stood before you, face all too unimpressed at your compromising position. 

“its been longer than seven minutes. we’ve been calling out for you for a while.” nanami stated lowly before turning to walk away and you were quick to jump up from satoru’s lap, stumbling out of the closet as you looked at satoru in what had to be the most uncomfortable position on the ground. 

satoru groaned lowly before stumbling into a standing position, hand cupping the christmas bow at the front, “think game’s over for me.”

you gulped lowly, ignoring everyone’s cheers before stepping back, “yeah, me too.” 

you offered satoru one last look before walking past the circle and out of the room, towards the drinks. fuck, you really needed a drink. 

☀︎

the party had somehow gotten louder or maybe you were simply reaching your limit. 

either way, the music felt harsher now, the room hotter, bodies moving together in a blur of alcohol and flashing lights. 

you had been trying to find luna while simultaneously avoiding satoru for the past hour. 

fuck, you just wanted to go home but you couldn’t leave luna and she wasn’t answering her damn phone.

the closet had done absolutely nothing to improve your mood, instead, it made your regrets about coming to this stupid party even worse. 

satoru’s words followed you through every room you entered as you tried to locate your purple haired friend. 

you’re a runner. 

the worst part about it all is that everything he had said was right. and you fucking hated that he even noticed, that he cared enough to notice in the first place. 

a frustrated sigh left you as you looked down at your dying phone, luna’s contact staring back at you, all your calls and texts left unanswered.

the house seemed less crowded now, people dispersing into bedrooms, hallways and the pool as the night stretched later and you had to dodge every guy that came to hit on you. yuck. 

you barely registered the conversations happening around you until a familiar voice cut through the noise.

“he’s a fuckin’ mess.” 

your head turned automatically, suguru standing near the staircase, rubbing the back of his neck while nanami looked vaguely exhausted beside him. 

“where is he?” nanami questioned, bringing his cup up to his lips to take a sip. 

suguru pointed toward the living room, “he decided he could outdrink sukuna.” 

nanami immediately looked disappointed, “oof. stupid.” 

despite yourself, your eyes drifted towards the living room and they instantly found him. of course they did. 

satoru was slumped sideways across the couch, one arm hanging off the edge, snowy hair a complete mess. 

he looked absolutely gone. 

your stomach tightened as you glanced between him and luna’s contact. 

“he’s fine…” you muttered to yourself as you shook your head. 

“he’s absolutely not fine.” suguru stated from beside you as you turned to look at him, the slightest bit startled as you didn't realize how close they were before you noticed the knowing look on his face, instantly irritating you. 

“he drinks all the time.” you retorted lowly, eyes giving nothing away as suguru scoffed out a chuckle. 

“not like this, he only does this shit when he’s upset.”

something in suguru’s voice made your attention sharpen as you stiffened, “why would he be upset?” 

suguru merely stared as nanami cleared his throat from beside him, “probably something to do with those seven minutes.” 

your jaw clenched before letting out a breath, “right.”

before you knew it, choso had called out for the two men beside you, something about a sophomore puking in the pool.  

you hated how you felt half responsible for satoru’s current state. 

a low sigh left you as you glanced at the living room once more, however this time, a girl was leaning over him. 

your brows furrowed, moving closer to see the girl with inky hair in a bob clad in a tiny skirt far too close to him, one hand resting against his chest. 

she was talking into his ear while he sat there, looking dazed and half-asleep. 

your gut churned once more. god, you were really getting sick of that feeling. 

the girl laughed at something satoru mumbled, her hand moving into his hair and something ugly flared beneath your ribs. 

you hated how much the sight was making you sick, how vulnerable satoru looked and you hated that your feet were already moving before your brain could catch up. 

the walk across the room felt entirely too long and every step gave you another opportunity to turn around. you didn’t. 

by the time you reached the couch, the girl was in his lap, kissing down his damp neck. 

your jaw clenched, “hey.” 

the word left you sharp, cutting through whatever intimacy she was imagining was occurring between them. 

the girl turned and you recognized her as a girl in luna’s class, the girl your friend absolutely despised, which in turn made you despise her. emi. 

you could see satoru’s eyes blink open just the slightest bit, your voice like a siren bringing him to life. fuck, he craved to hear you, to feel you always. 

his entire face softened, a lopsided smile painting his face like sunlight breaking through clouds. 

“hey, trouble..” 

the word sleft him slurred and your heart betrayed you instantly. 

emi, however, looked significantly less pleased, her long nails tracing over satoru’s jaw as he flinched lowly. 

“can i help you?” 

you barely spared her a glance, taking one more step closer, “satoru?” 

his eyes remained fixed on you, completely and entirely like everyone else had ceased to exist. 

“yeah, baby?” 

you allowed the nickname to slide off your back, knowing he was too out of it to be aware of his actions or words. clearly. 

“c’mon, let’s go.” 

emi instantly frowned, turning to look at satoru who looked up at you as if you promised him the moon, stars and everything in between. 

“go where?” 

“upstairs.”

a slow grin stretched across his face, the absolute stupidest but prettiest grin you’d ever seen, “okay.” 

he stood immediately, stumbling just the slightest bit as emi yelped, tumbling off his lap to the ground. 

you caught his arm before he could faceplant into the coffee table, “for fuck’s sake.”

satoru was now pressed aginst you, clammy hands cupping your cheeks to force you to look up at him, “hi...”

your eyes narrowed at his wide and hazy grin, “you already said hi.”

satoru merely grinned, leaning down so his nose brushed against yours, once, twice before you sighed and pushed him just a bit back. 

“let’s go, satoru…” you held his hand, turning to pull him away before you felt a tug on your other arm causing you to turn around. 

emi stood before you, visibly fuming as she glared at you, “what the fuck are you doing?! we were in the middle of something!” 

you glanced down at where she’s touched you with a look of pure disgust before looking back up at her, “that’s not how it looked to me.” 

emi’s fists clenched, “you don’t own him, you bitch!” 

your tongue pressed against your cheek before smirking at her, leaning back to look up at satoru who was already gazing down at you with a lopsided smile, “who owns you, satoru?” 

“you do, trouble.” his response was immediate, instantaneous and you had to ignore the rush going through you to shoot her a glare. 

emi faltered, tears filling her eyes as she glared at you both. 

you tugged at satoru’s hand, making a move towards the staircase before turning to her once more, “and don’t put your hands on people who can barely stand, you sick freak.” 

you shot her one more glare before guiding satoru away, helping him towards his room as he followed with no argument, his hand somehow finding the back of your ‘dress’ and remained there as you climbed up the stairs. 

as if he was afraid you’d disappear. 

the walk to his room took forever, mostly because satoru kept getting distracted by paintings, doors, absolutely nothing. 

at one point, he stopped in the hallway entirely as you sighed, turning to look up at him, “what is it now, satoru?” 

his blue eyes blinked down at you, “you’re so pretty, it makes me nauseous sometimes.” 

a sigh left your plush lips as you tugged at his hand once more, “mhmm.” 

you forced his steps, one after the other before you made it to his room, guuiding him inside. 

you expected him to collapse instantly, however, he sat on the edge of the bed and simply looked at you, eyes all droopy and bloodshot. 

the room felt strangely quiet compared to the chaos downstairs, the silence stretched and his gaze never moved away from you. 

it made something uncomfortable settle beneath your ribs as you shifted, “what?” 

satoru smiled, small and sleepy and dangerously genuine, “i like that you showed up.” 

your breath caught and his eyes were already drifting shut, half-asleep and entirely unaware of what he was saying, “i always know when you’re about to leave.” 

the confession landed softly, somewhere right in your chest. 

“you do this thing,” his hand moved vaguely, “with your phone…”

you froze because you did, absolutely. you always checked the time before getting up from his bed. every single time. 

“i know when you’re annoyed too…” his voice was quieter now, the fight gone as well as the frustration until only honesty remained, “you scrunch your nose all cute like…” 

you hated that you knew exactly what he meant, your hands clenching beside you.

“and you pretend you don’t care about stuff…people…but you do.” 

the room suddenly felt too small, too warm and too fucking claustrophobic. 

you let out a short breath, “okay, time to go to bed, satoru.”

you moved forward, helping take off his shoes before ushering him forward till he was beneath his blankets, head heavy against the pillow. 

you couldn’t help but move your fingers into his white locks, brushing it away from his sweaty face before sighing gently and moving back. 

“stay.” 

the word left him soft and simple, nothing dramatic or grand about it. 

it was simply one exhausted request. 

and it caused every instinct you’ve ever had to scream at you to run. 

you’re a runner. 

your eyes drifted toward the boy, hair messy and eyes heavy, heart somehow worn openly across his sleeve in a way that was braver than you ever could be. 

and for the first time since you met satoru gojo, you stayed.

☀︎

an | this is deffo my fav chapter so far i love them so bad AHHHHHH