Misfit Mutant

When I get in these depressive episodes I feel like Laura Palmer before she died. I want to go out of control and ruin my life. It feels like my depression is Bob and it won't leave me alone till I'm dead. I want spiral so I'll feel something other than sadness and hurt. I never let myself completely spiral though. I try to control myself because I know this feeling is temporary but the consequences of my actions aren't. I try to not let my depression, Bob, ruin my life completely. I try not to self harm or hurt others but I can't always hold back. I want to die but I don't want to kill myself. I want to be reckless but I don't want to drag people into my destruction. My depression or hurt usually comes out in anger or apathy but this time it's just pure sadness.

"I feel like I know her, but sometimes my arms bend backwards."