#1 GILLIAN AND ROSEWATER STAN

Hi I’m a piece of shit welcome to my blog

the novelty of having a pet will never wear off on me i’ve had animals my entire life for 23 entire years and i still sometimes stop and go holy fuck there is just a little guy in my house

being in your 20s is like: i’m so young i’m so old. i should do everything i should rest. i can do what i want but i need to be careful. i’m an Adult™ but i need help from an Adult™. i’m so smart i’m so stupid. i’m leaving i feel left behind. i want to be a kid again and i can’t wait to be old. i’ve done a lot i’ve done nothing. i wanna be alone but i’m so lonely. like.... what the hell ??

#if my therapist had one of these bad boys in his office he could unlock a spectrum of mental disorders only perceptible to shrimp

I love how Bobby’s plan was to not let himself get too close to anyone ever again and shut himself off from anybody he had a chance of caring about, but then instead of doing that he adopted an entire fire station

#To be frankly honest I don’t think Eddie’s going to forgive himself for that comment. #He’s good at forgiving and saying ‘we’re past that’ to Buck but he’s absolutely terrible about applying that logic to himself and I think #that’s one of those things that’s going to haunt him. He was angry. He was hurt. He was probably angry that he was hurt and he was #speaking from a place of that hurt. But he still said it… and he can still clock the effects of his words even now #I don’t think his guilt is something he’d ever share with Buck. Even when he’s 100% emotionally healthy (or as emotionally healthy as #anyone can be these days) I think that’s something he’d keep to himself. His cross to bear. Just enough of a pinprick in the flesh to remind #himself to be careful of what he says. On the other hand (or technically the same hand) I wonder if this is something he and Shannon argued #about: the things he says when he’s angry. Because when I think about how closely Buck/Shannon are mirrored and that during the lawsuit #Eddie was missing Buck from his life as a *partner*… It would make sense. They probably had numerous arguments about how hurtful #Eddie can be when he’s angry. NOTE: This obviously doesn’t make him a bad person or an angry person or anything like that. Just the opposite #really. Usually when people lash out like that in fits of anger it’s not because they’re violently angry it’s because they’re carrying a lot #of pain that they want or feel like they *need* to share. And during the lawsuit after losing his wife his best friend and almost losing his #son only a few weeks/months prior… Eddie was definitely carrying a lot of pain. So he lashed out for the first time at Buck but probably #not for the first time. Oddly enough though this scene does still mark Eddie’s emotional growth. His delivery could have been better #and his words could have been kinder but he still vented how he felt. Yeah he had to hide behind Chris to do it but he couldn’t stuff this #kind of pain down and lock it away. Baby steps forward and all that. But yeah back to the topic at hand I really think Eddie’s going to feel #the sting of what he said to Buck for years at a time. Even once that sort of self deprecation leaves Buck’s vocabulary I think every time #Eddie remembers what he said he’s just gonna give Buck a little kiss. Not necessarily in apology but more like a promise to himself to never #hurt him so deeply again. I mean god knows they’ve both hurt each other but… life is all about doing better and loving better than you did #the day before so. yeah. major feels here #tv: 911 #911: 03 x 05 #911: 04 x 05

god made us mutuals because he knew if we knew each other in real life we would start a cult