Just me

I have one of those Daddies who, if I say I have the best Daddy in the whole world, those who know him (or know how he rolls) are just kinda like, “Yeah, you actually just might.” And I feel like people who have been around and following this blog for a minute know just how awesome my Daddy is. In fact, they might even say he’s Super. But maybe in my quest to reflect on our dynamic and to get other subs to raise the bar so those not-so-great Doms can’t sneak over it, I’ve forgotten to talk about a key component of this issue. I say that because, if I had a dollar for every time someone asked me how to find a Dom like Super Daddy, I’d have enough money to pay for a spousal visa to move to hell and just live with him already. (Wouldn’t that be lovely?)

But from now on, if a sub says something like that to me, I’m no longer just going to nod knowingly because Super Daddy is easily the best thing about life to me. I’m going to encourage them to finish the thought. I’m going to ask exactly what it is they think will happen if they manage to find a Daddy from the same aisle in the Daddy Store TM (which tends to be sold out or flooded with counterfeits). I’m going to do this because, the longer I write about our dynamic, the more I encounter the misconception that finding a great Dom is like winning the Golden Ticket. …that it solves all (or most) of my problems just magically. That HE does, while I’m just along for the ride.

Um, no.

Is it because I feel odd and uncomfortable talking about my own contributions to our dynamic? Is it because those subs are in wish fulfillment land when they utter the “if only” and they never pick up sticks and move to “work hard and maximize this opportunity” ville if they do happen to find such a phenomenal Dom? Is it because one of the ways Cg/l dynamics come across as different from non Cg/l dynamics is that people have the idea that Littles are just along for the ride? …that we have to contribute nothing? …that finding a wonderful Caregiver is the end of the quest?

If so, wow… do I have news for you.

A functional Cg/l dynamic is not the Caregiver doing all of the work and dragging the Little along for the ride. A functional Cg/l dynamic involves both parties contributing according to their respective roles. So, as difficult as it is for me to say this, if you think our dynamic is goals, please remember that Super Daddy isn’t the only one who had to work hard to get here, or who continues to work hard to stay here.

Also, please don’t misconstrue this point or twist it in any way to use my words as some bullshit about how Littles with shitty Caregivers deserve them, but it might actually surprise you to know that Super Daddy has only been in one relationship before ours, and this is his first D/s relationship (mine too), and that he (by his own description) was not a particularly great boyfriend that time around. He says he wasn’t always a good partner or Dom… that my need for him, my vulnerability to him, and my willingness to follow his leadership are what inspire all of the Super Daddying—that he’d never be Super Daddy without me. But, at the same time, he had to learn and grow and mature to get to this place. Don’t we all? If we don’t each put something in, it goes nowhere fast. Put another way, I have to do things that help Super Daddy take care of me. Here’s an example:

Super Daddy infamously spent 35 hours developing a Keto meal plan for me to follow to get better control of my brittle Type 1 Diabetes/blood sugars. The rest of that anecdote—the part I’ve realized I don’t share, but maybe I need to—is the part where he couldn’t do that until I had combed the journals where I’d logged everything I’d put in my face for the past four years for food ideas that were affordable, available, easy to prepare, and appealing to me. (This was a chore he assigned.) With that list, he plugged various foods into a nutrition tracking program until the macros were balanced, my calorie needs were met, and he was satisfied with the nutrition I would be getting. Sounds like a lot of work, right? I wouldn’t want to do it.

But then, I had to take that meal plan along with the new rule about following it except when I have his express approval to eat something off-plan, obtain and prepare the food, and abstain from putting anything into my face that wasn’t on it. Apparently, that’s the part most people wouldn’t want to do—not the meal plan-building part, but the saying-no-to-carbs-and-sugar-and-using-a-food-scale-to-measure-everything-before-logging-it-in-MFP part. I’ve had to do that for almost a year so far; I fuel the body he owns in ways and amounts that he chooses—every.single.time.

And, when it gets difficult, he develops a Keto version of one of my old favorites or gives me a pep talk or reminds me that he doesn’t care what I look like and it’s about blood sugar management. I wouldn’t want to have to do those things either. But, because he did his part and I did mine, we’re almost a year into Keto and I’ve been able to drop 97.3% of the insulin I was previously taking on an average day. I’ve also lost about 60 pounds.

Here’s a screenshot from my Continuous Glucose Monitor (CGM) on a typical day before Keto, when I was eating normal food including carbs and bolusing for meals, which is what doctors instruct T1Ds to do:

In case you were wondering, this isn’t the result of mismanagement, but of 100% compliance with the treatment plan my Endocrinologist gave me.

And here’s a screenshot from my CGM on a typical day on Keto:

(For reference, the yellow line is 160, which is very high for me, and the red line is 75, which is where I’m supposed to start treating for a low. Line breaks are calibrations.) The official goal is to stay between 80 and 120 as much as possible, while keeping levels as steady as possible because fluctuations are hard on the body and difficult to correct. The real goal is to never get back on the blood sugar roller coaster ever again.

And, sure… if Super Daddy hadn’t been the kind of Dom I could come to with this problem in the first place, or if he hadn’t been willing to put forth the work, I’d still be feeling like a human pinball, and a 60 pound heavier one at that. But, what if he had done all that work and then I’d said, “Thanks, Daddy. Keto sounds good,” and followed the meal plan for about a week before drifting back to my old way of eating and bolusing for meals? We wouldn’t have gotten anywhere.

That’s the part I worry those subs who dream about finding a Dom like Super Daddy don’t get: the part where he expects follow-through. He puts in the work because he sees that I respond with action. His plans come to fruition because I follow them. And thus, working on a plan to solve one of my problems is worthwhile for him because there’s a good chance it will actually effect some change. We both put in the effort all the time, and that’s why I now have doctors impressed with the efficacy of my new method of blood sugar management—even the ones who were against me trying Keto in the first place.

Daddy leads, Babydoll follows. Not, Daddy drags Babydoll along for the ride. Babydoll has to get off of her ass and do things too. And sometimes? They are really fucking difficult. Because it isn’t enough just to find an amazing Caregiver or a wonderful Dom. A D/s dynamic is a synergy and all the fantastic plans in the world won’t go anywhere if you as the sub don’t follow the steps to achieve them.

If you’re currently a sub in a D/s dynamic with a solid Dom but you feel like you aren’t where you want to be, take a look at yourself and examine whether or not you’re putting in the work and showing up with the follow-through to actually get somewhere. They can’t lead if your feet are planted. And nothing will take the wind out of such a Dom’s sails faster than watching those carefully-constructed strategies die in the water because you were feeling tired or lazy or you lacked motivation or hit a roadblock and decided not come to them for a pep talk or a strategy session when you needed it.

I’ve been doing this a long time, I’ve had good subs and bad subs. The one thing I’ve never based that on is their body. I hear and see this a lot:

“Well, if I’m going to have a Sub I’m gonna make sure she looks amazing, better looking than my last one” “well, if I’m going to be used by a Dom he might as well be a 9, I’m not giving this up to a 5”.

Or

“I’m not good looking so I’ll just settle for anyone because I have to have this”. “Yes, he treats me like shit, no I don’t like it really, but I’m not worth more to anyone”

We all live in an age of porn, Tumblr and FetLife. I think it has skewed our expectations. I share pictures of extremely attractive sexy men and women with body types I’ll never attain. They all have perfect purchased boobs and a huge ten inch cock. The pics look terrific, their clothes are impeccable, etc. That’s not real life.

Here’s the real. I’m 5'8, 250 lbs, on a good day I have a very very average maybe six inches ready to go. Here’s the amazing thing, that more times than not has been perfect for the Sub I’m with. The reason for that is connection. I think I’m damn good at what I do, I put A TON of effort into what I do as a Daddy and/or a Dom. I mean a ton. I work up rules, I talk daily, discuss everything about their lives, not just BDSM stuff. These are real relationships with real struggles. I love it and I’m good at it.

I also don’t expect or even think about whether the sub that I connect with is a 5 or a 9. It’s not my thing. If I find you attractive because of our connection I’m going to think you’re the sexiest size 8, 10, 14, 18 or 20 I’ve ever laid eyes on and I’ll treat you that way.

Real people for the most part aren’t the porn models we see in these pictures, real beauty is wrinkles, curves, rolls, scars, stretch marks, uneven tans, legs that probably could’ve been shaved a day or two earlier, showing up to meet me after a bad day in sweats and a hoodie with flip flops on. Real men have bellies, hairy chests or smooth one’s, muscles that could use definition, egos that can be as fragile as yours, and sometimes need to be the Dom while wearing gym shorts or in my case scrubs they wore to work.

I get frustrated at women and men who believe they either don’t deserve to be happy because they don’t look good, or can only be happy if they are with someone that they feel is so much better looking that it’s an honor to be considered theirs, no matter how poorly they are treated.

Real relationships in this world take work, are messy, not always perfect, and above all have real “average” people who happen to be way more “above average” than they give themselves credit for.

Own yourself , be proud of you. Rock that size two, rock that size 18, show your daddy your 32a’s or your 44EEE’s. He will love it because you’re his. Tell him you love his belly, love his 14inch bicep, or his six inch cock, etc.

A LESSON IN DOMINANCE: A Dom of the Sadistic Variety

These pics are of my exquisetly Sadistic Hubby with a variety of wild things.

No Dominant wants a hostage. They want submission, the surrender of the wild thing’s will/instinct, to their own Dominant will.

Note that in many pics He’s caring for or feeding the wild thing.

He EARNED their trust. He did not try to “tame” or change their wild nature. He worked WITH their innate instincts and behaviors. He NEVER reacted to their skittishness; He waited PATIENTLY for trust to deepen. He was CONSISTENT in His behaviors, no matter what the wild thing did. And in the end, the wild thing chose to come to Him and “submit.”

Sadism doesn’t mean scary or violent or even predator ….

Just like these pics, I am a wild thing. He earns my trust and surrender daily. He feeds and cares for me. And, just like the baby Opossum, (nicknamed Mr. Cranky Pants), he does whatever is in my best intetest, even if I don’t want to be “rescued.” This little guy came to Him and He scooped up the critter and took to it to a wildlife rescue center (no mom).

Whatever you may think about the acts of Dominance or Sadism, do not judge the Dominant or the Sadist with archaic, Vanilla bullshit.

Who run the world? GIRLS!

Thank you for the tag mis reynas (queens), @tnbplaydate & .@mytightprincess

.@gochelle @californiagirl78 @blueeyedbabygirl @long-leggedblonde ✨🥂✨

@rippedjeanseyesofgreen @blue-eyed-country-angel @cmaangle @theladyleopard , @sexysparklers and so many others

Thank you @magpie-69

I don’t have a big list of Dom buddies that you didn’t already tag except @dinodaddy

So I’ll also include @i-am-dubs , @bravegirl23 , @goodgirlsdoresearch , @goodhotwife , @xxxamorexxx , @the-solitary-submissive , @itsshinycollectordestinyworld , @droppinby , @doll666parts , @ohmyuniquepet , @luv-adub-dub

Tagging @kurious17 @thesubmissivewithin @submissiveinwaiting @boleynbitch @blue-eyed-country-angel @mirroredwithin @cottoncandy-maggie @naughtytalia @wolfpack-princesskitty

Don’t  look for big things, just do small things with great love. The smaller the thing,  the greater must be our love.