The night gave me black eyes

i have been procrastinating watching iwtv new episodes bc im so scared . also i have no time

to be very very fair to me. i am also constantly overstimulated. the amount of noise these kids. like im trying to explain something and there's two talking on my left two talking on my right one repeatedly squeezing their water bottle another two hitting each other one tapping a pen. like. i am close to losing it by any moment

the other day a kid completely closed off to me when i asked a question ("what day is it?") and i was so not expecting it and so unprepared on how to handle it. if to press more or to let go and what it would do to my authority with the others which i already have a hard time with. THAT I ALMOST CRIED. loser behavior

learnt my colleague had an easy time with the class i usually teach to and have a hard time with and like. i know i don't inspire much authority i know she has a lot more experience. but im still kinda bummed about it :/ they would learn more if she was their everyday teacher or if i was better at this. instead i'm just. idk. winging it