Miranda J

Bruce: I have a butler.

Clark: That’s not an answer Bruce! I’m circling back to you later and expect a better response. Dick?

Dick: Fake it ‘til you make it!

Clark: What?

Dick: If I always pretend to be happy, one day I will be happy! Maybe, hopefully.

Clark: Dick, that’s so sad. I-

Jason: Oh oh! My turn! I used to kill people whenever I was sad.

Clark: ...

Jason: Now I just beat them up!

Clark: That... uh, is very disturbing. Tim?

Tim: More repression, less depression.

Clark: No! That’s- no! That’s very unhealthy!

Damian: Tt, as is to be expected of Drake. I on the other hand do not feel sadness. It is beneath me. However if I were to feel sadness I would adopt a pet.

Dick: Is that why we have a cow?!

Damian: ...

Clark: That is not very sustainable.

Damian: My father is a billionaire. Of course it is sustainable.

Clark: I- you know what, fair enough. Also, how is it that the child assassin has the least unhealthy coping mechanism?

Collective shrug

Clark: Ok Bruce, your turn again. How do you deal with the emotional baggage of being a hero?

Bruce: I’m Batman.

Clark:

Bruce:

Bruce: I have a butler.

Clark: That’s not an answer Bruce! I’m circling back to you later and expect a better response. Dick?

Dick: Fake it ‘til you make it!

Clark: What?

Dick: If I always pretend to be happy, one day I will be happy! Maybe, hopefully.

Clark: Dick, that’s so sad. I-

Jason: Oh oh! My turn! I used to kill people whenever I was sad.

Clark: ...

Jason: Now I just beat them up!

Clark: That... uh, is very disturbing. Tim?

Tim: More repression, less depression.

Clark: No! That’s- no! That’s very unhealthy!

Damian: Tt, as is to be expected of Drake. I on the other hand do not feel sadness. It is beneath me. However if I were to feel sadness I would adopt a pet.

Dick: Is that why we have a cow?!

Damian: ...

Clark: That is not very sustainable.

Damian: My father is a billionaire. Of course it is sustainable.

Clark: I- you know what, fair enough. Also, how is it that the child assassin has the least unhealthy coping mechanism?

Collective shrug

Clark: Ok Bruce, your turn again. How do you deal with the emotional baggage of being a hero?

Bruce: I’m Batman.

Clark:

Bruce:

Jason: Yeah?

Roy: Did you tell your family we’re dating?

Jason: Yeah, why?

Roy: There’s a sword in the front door with a note that says “hurt him and you shall perish”

Jason: Oh don’t worry that’s just Damian.

Roy: Ok, so he won’t actually hurt me right?

Jason: Haha, nah he’ll gut you like a fish if you step out of line

a pensive night in for cass :-]

@bikoncon ‘s chat post of this made me cry laughing so i needed to doodle it

Jason: We’re just as fucked up as you are.

Dick: Eating a family sized bag of doritos

Bruce*Eyeing the small bag* There is no way that's family sized

Dick: Everything's family sized when you're an orphan

•there was a cow standing in the back of the office for the whole meeting. Someone asked about it, and Bruce’s answer was ‘my son is afraid my other son is going to eat batcow.’ No one asked any follow up questions

•Dick has climbed in through the window a few times. The first time Bruce asked why and Dick very loudly said ‘I have to stay in shape!’. Bruce has not asked since and continues to let Dick enter through the window

•Damian came running into the office with a live turkey. Bruce paused to say ‘good morning Damian. Good morning Jerry.’ then continued the meeting like nothing happened. Damian left shortly after, but left Jerry

•Cass sits in on his meetings sometimes. She doesn’t say anything, just doodles little pictures for Bruce

•Jason came in, slammed a tray of cookies on the desk, said ‘Alfred said I have to be nice and share’ then walked out

•Alfred the Cat walks across Bruce’s keyboard at least once every meeting, even though Bruce makes sure the cat isn’t in the office before he closes the door. He is starting to suspect the cat knows how to get into the vents

•similarly, Titus makes frequent appearances because he thinks he’s a lap dog. He is not a lap dog

•Tim barges in often and asks ‘can I help you yell at old white men?’ Bruce tells him no every single time

•Tim has also barged in asking ‘if I can give you physical proof that Kon doesn’t have the ‘rona can he come over??’ It is clear they’ve had this argument before

•Bruce once ended a meeting early with the excuse that Alfred the Cat was yelling at Bruce to feed him dinner. Alfred the Cat was sitting in his lap and purring, and it wasn’t even past noon yet

•Alfred has ended meetings early because ‘its dinner time, Master Bruce, and we are going to eat as a family tonight or so help me god’

Tim: “What? How am I the good one?”

Dick: “Well, it’s definitely not me.”

Damian: “What?”

Tim: “How is it not you?”

Jason: “All I know is that I’m the bad one.”

Damian: “No, I’m the bad one. Wait, do you mean bad kid or bad Robin? There’s a difference.”

Jason: “What’s that?”

Damian: “Well, I’m obviously the bad Robin. I killed people.”

Jason: “So have I, you’re not special.”

Damian: “But I’m the only Robin who killed someone while wearing the suit.”

Dick: *side-eyes Jason*

Jason: *looks directly at the wall, whistling innocently*

Tim: “Are we missing something here?”

Dick, completely ignoring him: “Anyway, that’s not the point of this. Tim is the good kid.”

Tim: “How?”

Dick: “You’re the only one of us who hasn’t killed someone.”

Damian: *stares at him*

Jason: *stares at him*

Dick: *looks anywhere but at his brothers*

Damian: “...Wait a second, when did you—”

Jason: “Who the fuck did you kill?”

Dick: *looks at Tim*

Tim: *shrugs*

Jason: I got it for free.

Dick: ...

Dick: You stole it didn’t you?

Jason: ...

Dick: It’s not free if you stole it!