Miranda | Impatient Girl

well, i'm essentially ghosted by d****** h*****.

no updates since verbal offer july 18. it's august 25 today.

also no updates on job applications elsewhere. it's so hard to get a job. i just feel like it's a crapshoot.

waiting for my official written offer letter for a job i got a verbal offer from last friday...

Yumi’s Cells

Atlanta, S4

Insecure, S5 (technically from 2021)

Our Beloved Summer

Flower of Evil

My Name

Little Women

Docs:

Jeanette Lee vs.

Squeeze by Sasami

Teen Troubles by The Black Skirts

YUMI's Cells Soundtrack (2021-2022) by Various

Laurel Hell by Mitski

Favorite Singles of 2022:

BUGS R US by brian mantra

GRIP by Tei Shi

No One Dies From Love by Tove Lo

Talk by beabadoobee

Albums with songs I liked but I didn't finish listening to the whole album:

Three Dimensions Deep by Amber Mark (Most Men)

BIG WORLD by Mondo Grosso (IN THIS WORLD)

(trying to free up google drive space)

Miranda Canilang

Bryn Mawr College 2017

Physics Major

4/10/15

I have always thought very highly of physics. Physicists were the leaders of the world: the inventors, the engineers, the scientific artists. All the “cool kids” studied physics. In high school, I partly felt compelled to choose a science major because I felt that I was not a “humanities person.” Things changed, however, when I entered college. I loved my ESem class on Politics of Development in East Asia and I continued to take more political science classes. I even took a religion class at Haverford. Yet, I continued to take my physics classes because, if there were any overarching themes throughout my humanities classes, it was that innovation was the key to long term growth. Where is, and always has been, the cutting edge of innovation? -- Physics. Granted, an educated citizen should know about global and national current issues and know how to write well, but an educated citizen with a physics background can be at the forefront of a movement.

Books like Physics for Future Presidents, The Physics of Wall Street, and Invention by Design: How Engineers Get from Thought to Thing opened up possibilities of what I could do with physics degree outside of academia and lab work. I, too, want to contribute to these intersections of physics and politics, economy, renewable energy, nuclear war policy, patent law, etc. (I am a strong supporter of a 360 involving these topics if one were ever created…) Over spring break, I participated in the Bryn Mawr Finance Intensive and had the opportunity to talk to Bryn Mawr alums who were physics or math majors but ended up working on Wall Street. For physics majors who can critically and logically think, the opportunities are limitless.

my coworker who started at the same time as me got promoted to clin nurse 2 while i didn’t because of a bogus excuse that i have to work at least 6 months past my promotion to merit promoting me to clin nirse 2. that’s bullshit because literally every one gets promoted after 15 months of working. also i’m a stellar nurse.

I am so thankful my family is healthy.

People in the hospital are really sick.

Hospitals treat nurses like shit.

Night shift sucks.

I have become biased against obese people.

Re: above, my back's gotta lift that.

I believe in the choice of assisted suicide.

I used to work for a conservative Asian American local politician and helped them set up a platform intended to “empower” Asian Americans and “call out” anti-Asian actions. I am no longer involved with them, but continue to follow their social media postings and public positions. 

I don’t think all of this politician’s stances are wrong -- my agreement with their overall opinions is still net positive. But one disagreement is the hot topic that this politician likes to blast: the “affirmative action hurts Asians” stance. An op-ed was posted today on their Facebook page, and another Asian American organization’s facebook page actually commented on it and called it out for it’s flawed take on critical race theory hurting Asians. 

Affirmative action is so overly simplified and misunderstood by the general public, including those select few Chinese American opposers. 

This article really helped break the arguement down for me:  

https://www.vox.com/2018/3/28/17031460/affirmative-action-asian-discrimination-admissions

The truth is that race plays such a small factor in admissions -- and that factor has been narrowed and constricted sooo much over the years by the Supreme Court. Admissions took the route of race to “create diversity” (1978), but race can only be considered alongside other factors (2003), must to meet certain standards within this “holistic review” (2013), and only as a factor of a factor of a factor (2016) (what does that even mean). 

Keeping in mind that these standards of what can be considered to “play the race card” were devised by people in power (i.e. predominantly rich White people), a person of color who literally just studies hard and believes in meritocracy really would not get in anywhere. There are tons of Asian parents who tell their kids that if they study hard/work hard, they can get anywhere. Well if you really want to play up your racial identity for your application, that has to show in ways not reflected in just test scores or grades. I think this can be shown in the essay part through writing on your family and different cultural upbringing, or through your extracurriculars rooted in your racial identity. The Vox article uses an example below:

“Let’s say a school is looking for strong leadership qualities, and an applicant lists leadership experience that is grounded in their racial identity. Only then can a school consider their race.“

To play the admissions game, why should admissions consider your race as a factor in your admissions application if you don’t show it to them? (“Show” = a specific way outlined by law.) If race isn’t a big part of your identity or consciousness as a person of color, are you even a person of color to the admissions people? Probably not. 

Big tangent here, but if you want children of color to really understand and meaningfully reflect on their own racial identity early on, you MUST, MUST, MUST include their history in K-12 curriculums. Hello, Asian American studies, civil rights movement history, all other non-Eurocentric history, etc...

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Looking back at my high school years, I remember when I really wanted to participate in my high school’s Asian Fest (this student-run performance where Asian students perform cultural dances and skits to showcase to the rest of the school). My mom thought it was a big waste of time and would probably prefer I study or something. I didn’t even participate in any of the Chinese or Filipino performances (my K-pop phase was strong in high school, so I danced in the K-Pop performance, the Korean fan dance, and the taekwondo skit), but I’m guessing my participation in Asian Fest helped show to admissions people that I was in fact, Asian and could add to their school “diversity.” 

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I’m really interested in the topics of this nursing conference, but it happens to fall on one of my rare 4-day breaks from work. Might still consider attending though, how else am I supposed to advance my career?

On another note, this desire to separate myself completely from work on my off-days stems from not having any time to do anything else on my work days. My schedule changes from week to week so it’s not like I can attend a weekly dance class or get home from work, cook dinner, and enjoy the rest of the night out. 

Every time I call my mom, she nags me to volunteer for the COVID test sites/vaccination sites. I don’t think she understands how taxing it is to work a full time job IN PERSON as a nurse (nightshift). After my shifts, I sleep til at least 2pm and only force myself to wake up to see some day light, only to get sleepy again at 9pm later that day. My body’s so used to working 12-hour shifts (really 14 hours if you include commute) that also on my days off, I find myself tired after 12 hours awake. 

Believe me, I, too, would be volunteering for public health causes and championing social justice issues like back when I was in college -- or if I worked a cushy 9-5 desk job from the comforts of my home (which appear to be a lot less than 9-5 as observed by my mom and sister’s schedules and pretty much everyone else around me working from home). My mom praises my sister for scheduling COVID vaccination appointments for strangers online -- she also has time to dog sit on the side for extra $$. I barely have time to practice any of my hobbies. Basically, being a bedside nurse in the inpatient hospital setting has made me a boring person who lives for the capitalist wheel of work, sleep, eat, make money (but no bonus) but have no time to do anything with money or take vacation whenever I want to. 

The Philippines 🇵🇭  and the U.S. 🇺🇸 have a complicated history. Upon U.S. victory in the Spanish-American War in 1898, the U.S. bought The Philippines for $20 million dollars, approximately $545 million dollars today. The Philippines was a Spanish colony from 1565-1898, U.S.'s colony 1898-1946, and occupied by Japan 1941-1945. 

The U.S. maintained colonial rule over the Philippines through a number of tactics. Promised benefits and U.S. citizenship, some Filipinos joined the Philippine Scouts (a branch of the U.S. military) to suppress anti-U.S. uprisings from Filipino nativists (Moro Rebellion). Filipinos alongside Filipino Americans also served in the U.S. military during WWII against Japanese occupation. Americans also pushed the Manifest Destiny ideology of "saving their Little Brown Brothers" from "inferior and barbaric" civilization. To maintain economic and political rule, the U.S. removed trade tariffs of American imports into the Philippines, forced the Philippines to grant equal rights to U.S. citizens in the Philippines, and strategically backed politicians to serve American interests.

In 1933, the Hare–Hawes–Cutting Act proposed by Congress outlined independence for The Philippines. It was vetoed by Hoover but overrode by Congress. The Philippine Senate initially rejected it because it allowed indefinite presence of U.S. military bases (despite it all, those bases are still there).

When the [organization I work for] developed the content for our recent virtual engagement with [politician I work for] on [Asian American history], we debated placing the L.A. Riots slide in the Present Day section or the 1980-2000s section. Although the L.A. Riots took place April 29 - May 3, 1992, issues of racial tensions, police brutality disproportionately against Black and Brown people, and racially charged violence toward communities of color are still just as relevant and unaddressed today as they were ever.

The significance of Asian Pacific American Heritage Month (APAHM) is understated at best. By the time APAHM was nationally recognized in 1990 (since 1977, it was recognized for 10 days in May), over 400 years had passed since Asians first stepped foot on the American continent. The historical past of Asian Americans and Pacific Islanders (AAPI) is not one without controversy. It is one marked with bloodshed, legalized discrimination, and racialized economic suppression at the hands of many White Americans. There is no doubt that the consequences of policies -- even suspended policies -- and harmful Anti-Asian societal constructs continue to negatively impact this community’s growth across generations. Even in dark times, leaders emerged from the AAPI community to fight for justice at home, abroad, and alongside other marginalized communities of color. Perhaps this is why AAPI history and AAPI accomplishments were erased from US textbooks or why assimilation was enforced over diversity. 

While dedicating one month out of the year to Asian Americans and Pacific Islanders is a step toward righting the wrongs, AAPIs demand much more progress. Formal apologies from the US federal government regarding the illegal incarceration of 120,000 Japanese Americans and the Chinese Exclusion Act (one among many Asian exclusion immigration acts) only chip at the mountain of necessary reparations. 

For many AAPIs, anti-Asian violence all too often stems from ‘perpetual foreigner’ accusations. These include the “you don’t belong here” and “you don’t contribute or assimilate to mainstream society” type of statements that leave many Asian American Pacific Islanders (AAPI) questioning their identity, freedom, and civil rights. These aggressions have escalated dramatically during the current COVID pandemic in combination with Trump’s remarks, and it’s important to understand that anti-Asian discrimination is far from new. History has conditioned AAPI victims, along with other communities of color, to doubt the supposedly equal protection of U.S. law enforcement and judicial systems.