minor

minor references (feelings) :-)

the beginning??????? i wrote this when i was 17 and feeling stuck all the time, like my feet were locked in by cement. dramatic, sure, but entirely real also. this song was the spawn of feeling so overwhelmingly in love for the first time in my life. being even five miles apart felt like being separated by oceans and when i think about it now, i believe that had i not experienced that feeling, i wouldn’t have been able to write a lot of what i did for the four years to follow. it was that feeling that was so hard for me to articulate in normal conversation. i had to place it elsewhere. being alone at my piano was really the only place i felt like, “okay, i’m getting to the core of this.” and thank god. i guess more than anything what i feel now when i hear this song is the starting point of when i started to understand myself as a writer — my instincts, my weaknesses, my actual influences. putting this song at the end of the first project i’m able to share feels right because i feel actual closure. especially as i’m writing this. i’m endlessly grateful.

(the same “in your car” feeling)

everywhere that i couldn’t go due to curfew felt like this to me lol

when i wrote the song, i knew i wanted to hear it driving. way before i even had a recording of it i drove around the city multiple times under different lighting and around a dozen neighborhoods and through the taco bell drive through and sang it just to get the feeling. when i saw this picture (i’m sorry i don’t know who took it), it felt EXACTLY like what i wanted to song to feel like. not green and slimy. but the feeling of being alone inside your car when everything else is still moving around you. 

when i was in high school, being stuck at home with the earliest curfew out of every single person i knew felt a lot like this: