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Total 576 Bec I purged 😰

Day total: in- 696 out- 200 total-- 496

I've decided to put off fasting for a while it triggers too many binges. So I'm focusing on whole non processed food and sticking to vegatarian. If I can do that without bingeing in April I may try fasting again still keeping my goal of 800 or less.

I wish I could drown food in hot sauce to make it inedible but I fucking love hot sauce and it makes me want food more

There's no time to eat. My younger brother has a baby and they basically pawn him off on my family to watch all the time, at leas 3-4 days/nights a week I don't work during the day so I watch him while my mother works. It's great restriction because I'm so busy with him. He's an angel and I love him , I just worry his parents will abandon him. He deserves the world, not this fucked up family.

I'm home from the torturous vacation to my grandparents where there was no scale and tons of food but I managed to lose 7 lbs in the 5 days I was gone. How amazing!

Into the unknown from frozen 2 is a big mood about how I feel about my Ed.

Ate a ton yesterday, so I'm up to 274.... a-fucking-gain can't weigh again till next Saturday. In the car most of the day, we won't be there till like 6pm and it's 2:30 now. I wasn't fully awake when we left so I was a dumb bitch and ate a breakfast sandwich that was apparently like 600 Cal's so I can't eat dinner when we get there. Everyone is stuffing themselves with chips and candy while we drive I'm just sipping Coke zero. Give me strength to not be a pig on this vacation.

Tomorrow my family is going out of town for the new year, I will not be able to weigh for probably a week so im pretty stressed about that but I'm going to try my hardest to eat as little as possible which should be easy we typically only eat one meal a day at my grandparents with tons of snacking so if I avoid snacks and eat small portions of dinner then I should hopefully surprise myself when we return.

Please kill me. This is before any festivities tomorrow. At least in a crowded house I'll be able to not eat without anyone noticing