My second heart break
Before you even think about it, no this isn't anything romantic lol. My second heartbreak went on like this: I failed. I failed a Licensure Examination. I failed. I failed a lot of people. I failed and I'm still failing to move on. Not seeing my name on the list of passers made me feel emptier than I already was. At first I wondered why I felt nothing and then it came crashing on me. Like an avalanche. I was so torn I felt my head ache from crying too much and I was growing anxious because my heart hurt. It hurt so much I just felt like wasting away. I'm out of words damn it. I feel so dysfunctional. I don't want to eat. I want to sleep but I couldn't sleep and my mind just keeps on racing and I fucking hate it because it makes me depressed. Again. Thinking of the things I have to go through again makes me sick. And I've realized maybe that title wasn't given to me because I never wanted it as much as those people I know who wanted it. I was torn with the things I have learned that I should be focusing more than what I was currently doing that time. I was divided. I honestly do not know how to face reality given the horror that it has been giving me. I'm not even sure when the last time was that I felt happy. And you know the saddest of all is that I have no one to say these things to. Hence this post.
