X.A.N

from one broken heart to the next

the only thing hotter than a bad ass b is two bad ass bz bad assing 2gether

I just want to know if you’re alive.

She told me to get louder. That what I hear is comparable to light wind blowing through the window gaps for others who need a storm to shake their doors so they can react. It’s not easy being loud. It’s not easy to feel myself shake and live. It’s not easy to live because, I think along the way, I decided it was better to stay in the background. But like a calling, living, my own way, haunts me and makes my fingers tingle. I want to push the bow down on my strings without fear of a neighbour knocking on my door. I want to paint my subconscious without fear of my family morphing me into what comes out. I want to be loud. 

Trust is the most insane leap of faith to me because I’m aware of what people can do- of how selfish and beastly someone can get if no restriction were set and no judgement or memory came afterward- but it is a leap of faith that will keep me sane. At least this is what I tell myself. But maybe we are all just insane pretending.

Isn’t it stuoopid how I want to capture the lil candid moments of life but refuse that anyone frames me in any way shape or form in their mind or on picture?

kinda just want to restart at life and move somewhere no one can get to me. 

Really into that goth black no. 1 hurr mode rn.

quarter life crisis underway.