And now i’m just another person who had gotten to know you.

And I thought you would choose me over everything.

I’m finding comfort in our memories, while you seek comfort in someone else.

Am I pathetic or loyal for still thinking about you?

Just because you couldn’t love me, doesn’t mean no one else ever will.

I will not tell you I miss you.  You will not hear that from me, no.  I will not admit I have been thinking about you, 
not out of resentment towards you, 
but because I am strong and you are in the past.  I will not tell others about you, 
since you tell no one of us.  I will not explain myself, 
for the ways I chose to distance myself 
from memories of you, 
for sucking others dry 
attempting to hurt you 
but you were too far away 
to be damaged.  I will not question why you left, 
you have done me a favor, 
even if it doesn’t feel like one right now. I will not look for an explanation from you,  on why you did the things you did,  I do not have an interest in justifying your actions.

I am forced to grin and pretend that those who surround me now will replace your absence

Air rushed through my thick uncombed eyebrows and stung my eyes. My cowardly brown eyes tried to convince my body to exclude the rest of my body from enjoying the ride as we rushed faster through the street. Why was I being so dramatic? My arms were safely wrapped, secured around him. But with ever time the motorcycle wobbled my trust in him dwindled. Thoughts ran through my head faster than our bodies moves across the cracked pavement. We drove deeper into the darkness, only lit by the flickering red and green lights. He hadn’t even offered me his helmet when we initially started to drive but the thought of a quick probably painless death comforted me than his touch ever could. The wind created by our speed clouded by sight and my eyes began to water. My eyes were deceiving me, the potholes and bumps we passed over began to remind me of the small waves that disturbed the still waters of Halkidiki. I thought of the how I had spent the previous summer gliding across the water on a tube and how it resulted in a concussion. I was rudely reminded of the balance between the excitement life brought and the danger that my high speed carried with it. As we sped past dreary uninhabited streets I started to question why I was going home with him. I thanked the God I hadn’t prayed to in while that none of my other boyfriends back home had a motorcycle because I could see myself enjoying the rush that it gave me. My thighs were quivering around his. They ached to go faster but my palpitating heart wanted to tell him to go slower. I was stuck, petrified by making a decision.  My thoughts were flooded with images of someone else and how he was able to make my thighs ache without scaring me. I remembered his soft touch on my hips at night when he would pull me closer, I wondered if this boy would do the same.

Who was I before all my thoughts were polluted with you?

You have my heart and I have nothing left.

You didn’t actually think we were going to last forever did you?‘

I loved you  when I needed  to feel something other than sadness.

You were always too “busy” for me.

This morning I woke up next to someone else. I rolled over, half blind without my glasses and thought it was you for a second. For a moment I felt at home, the thought of being next to you was a comforting thought. I remember how not even a week ago I awoke next to you, greeted with sloppy morning kisses. But his snoring awoke me from my day dream of you. His choppy brown strangled his face as he tossed and turned, awaking me from my not so deep slumber. His hands grazed my side and pulled me closer to his warm body. As I lay there entangled in him, he raised a hand to move my shoulders next to his own. His stubby knuckles looked like yours, images of waking up next to you rushed through my head. His facial hair was the same as yours, his forearms looked like yours, every one of his details that were illuminated by the soft morning light reminded me of you. I needed to breathe, escape his grasp and any thoughts I had of you. How pathetic it was that I was thinking of you while next to someone else. Will I be forever plagued with memories of you wherever I go?

And even if it wasn’t you I fell asleep next to last night, it was better than being alone, drowning in thoughts of you.