Sending Love, Always

The other woman shrugged. “I’m fine. Just tired.”

Van hummed thoughtfully. “I bet. You look like a puppy left out in the rain. One of those, uh…those droopy puppies with the dragging ears.”

“A basset hound?”

“Yeah. Those.” 

Now it was Natalie’s turn to force a smile forward, trying to dismiss the concern she could hear beneath the teasing. “Well, shit. You make it sound like the dark circles don’t do it for you.”

Her friend smiled faintly, but otherwise didn’t entertain the humorous approach any further. “Nat…how much longer do you think you can go on like this?”

Natalie could feel her already brittle mask of composure start to break. She hid it by turning her face down at the beer bottle in her hands, slowly peeling at the label on the side. 

“As long as she needs me to,” she answered, surprising herself with the softness of her own sincerity. “Until she gets better.”

Another beat of silence passed.

Then, just as softly, Van pressed, “But what if she doesn’t?”

Natalie’s throat felt tighter at the thought. She rubbed her now half-empty beer bottle between her hands, feeling her palms stick with sweat despite the chill in the glass. 

When she didn’t say anything, her friend continued to push. “What are you going to do if she never gets better? If she really is turning into a—”

“Don’t,” Natalie cut in, voice cracking. “Please, don’t call her that.”

Van took a patient breath. “Nat. What else can you call it?”

The hunter looked at anything other than her friend. Her nails were practically clawing at the label on her beer bottle now. 

“She can’t go out in the sun,” her friend continued. “She doesn’t eat. She can only stomach one thing. And what she did to your arm—”

“She didn’t do that on purpose.”

Natalie was certain that much was true. 

“That’s not my point, Nat,” Van went on. “The point is, human nails don’t do that kind of damage. She almost cut through your arm.”

“I know.” Natalie ran a rough hand through her two-toned hair. “Believe me, I know. I only had that doctor tell me at least a dozen fuckin’ times. And no, I don’t know what else to call whatever the fuck is happening to her. But I know it’s not like that. She’s not some monster. She’s…she’s Lottie. She’s…she still likes wearing floral, girly stuff. She hums songs to herself when she’s bored. She reads magazines about weird animal behaviors. She still makes tea with honey, just because she likes the smell of it. She’s…”

The hunter’s voice dropped, her throat once again going tight. Once again wracked with empathy pain. This time, from an invisible scar. 

“…she doesn’t have anyone else. So…I can’t just give up on her.”

She could see her emotions bleeding over into Van. She could hear it in the way Van’s own words trembled slightly when she spoke next. 

“I’m not saying to give up on her. I’m just saying, there has to be an easier way to deal with this. A way that doesn’t involve you stretching yourself so thin to take care of her. Hell, maybe even a way to get her back into society!”

“Maybe…” Natalie mumbled, unconvinced. At the moment, she couldn’t fathom Lottie going anywhere around other people. Not with how much her episodes had been getting progressively worse. 

Not for the first time, Natalie wondered if she had gone about Lottie’s treatment all wrong. If there had been a way to stabilize Lottie’s symptoms before, a way to help her function in everyday society again, and Natalie just completely missed it by keeping them so isolated. 

But what else was she to do? Lottie had been so sick for the first couple of weeks after her attack. And being around people had only made her more overwhelmed, always stressed, and made her symptoms worse. Even worse than they were now. How was Nat to know if and when that would stop? 

She was pulled from her thoughts by a grounding weight. A hand settling on her knee. 

Van leaned forward, holding Natalie’s gaze with her own. “Nat. You are not alone in this. If there’s anything more Tai and I can do to help, we’re willing to do it. Or if we really need to, we can reach out, too. We can ask…I don’t know—maybe I can ask Tai to talk to Jackie next time they cross paths on campus.”

Natalie couldn't help but scoff. “Jackie wouldn’t do anything for me.”

Van opened and then promptly shut her mouth. Evidently, she didn’t know how to argue with that. Jackie and Natalie always had a rather contentious relationship when they all knew each other in Wiskayok. Mostly, Nat could admit, as a result of her own doing. She had been difficult back then, when there was only herself to think about. She would often contest authority—espeically Jackie’s—and rarely stayed in class or at practice for as long as she was asked to. She only ever did the bare minimum to still qualify for the team. And outside of soccer and a few parties, she and Jackie didn’t cross paths much at all. 

But then Van pointed out, “She would do it for Lottie, though.”

And that, Natalie couldn’t argue with. 

Lottie was always one of the more cordial members of their team. More considerate of others, more responsible, more likeable. Not just with Jackie, but with any of their teammates who took the time to get to know her. 

Which made it all the more unfair, what had happened to her, of all people. 

Natalie took another long swig of beer. 

Van left her to it, angling herself away to pick at the crumbled up chips at the bottom of their food basket.

Natalie also returned her attention to the food, presuming that was the end of the serious side of their conversation for the night. She managed to finish the last mozzarella stick in peaceful silence when Van suddenly dropped the bombshell.

“Tai got into Howard.”

Tai…

Van’s girlfriend, Taissa. She got into Howard University. Her dream school. 

A school that was in Washington DC.

That…that was good news.

At least…it was supposed to be good news.