I KNOW that when I lose weight people will treat me differently. I also know that I can’t take that type of heartbreak. To know that I wasn’t enough for others to care for, to view as fragile, to consider worthy. THAT will break my fucking heart. So it’s hard for me to commit to losing weight because I know that change in behavior will devastate me and I’ll isolate myself and feel even lonelier than I do now…
But how do you explain that to people who simply don’t get it. Like how do you say to a friend that you treat me different now that I’ve gained weight? When I lose weight and you treat me better, it will be proof that your love for me is conditional.
How do you cope with that? Do you tell yourself a lie and keep the fake love around? Or cut off people love and move forward?
Then you combat with the idea that you’re being dramatic and it’s not that deep…but it is. Especially when you’ve always been heavier than average your whole life. You’ve BEEN active. You’ve BEEN eating properly. And though you could do better, it’s not your fault you got your metabolism and weight distribution. It is very much so out of your control. And if it wasn’t your weight but rather your skin color, or your sexuality, or your gender, you would have no problem cutting people off without hesitation and without remorse…
pixelskylines
jacobvanloon
turnnoffyourmind
blakekathryn
theartofmadeline
kianamaiart
