Milk n Honey

i am 41 cheetos tall 

Why did you think you needed to measure yourself in Cheetos?

we were out of doritos 

Children are just sex souvenirs

I asked my boyfriend if he wanted to make a souvenir, and he told me absolutely not and that I have the lizard he got me 😂

Deer are amazingly difficult to hunt, requiring a person to be camouflaged, quiet, and scentless. Yet they’ll jump out right in front of a red, loud, stinky diesel truck.

Nostalgia is basically PTSD but with good stuff.

You know you are an adult when you eat your vegetables not because it is healthy or learnt to like them but because you paid for them

If our universe is a simulation, discovering the simulation is part of the simulation

Everyone @ me

My friends and family at me recently

Everyone @ me

Whenever you are not masturbating, you are recharging your dick

..no