Jam_SamWitch OuO

My friends kept asking me to make this and I folded...you know the drill, go apeshit

BAIT: i feel like this is self explanatory. i don’t like them so they get to be the punching bags

STRATEGY: i feel like this is mostly self explanatory but i’ll still go thru it. joan of arc was a military leader but also worked on a farm i think so she’s buff and smart and that earns respect! kiyoko shimizu manager of karasuno volleyball club. my goat. stephanie patrick wife of matthew matpat patrick is an rpg lover and very intelligent woman so she knows basic battle strategy and i think she’d be a good mediator for the other four. shiv roy and aoc i hope are self explanatory. while not militarily experienced, i think they’re smart enough to figure it out.

FINANCING: i quite literally just picked the richest people on google. this is an operation. with catering.

COSTUMING: effie trinket (self explanatory), phoebe philo is a british designer who i ADORE and she styles women phenomenally and her outfits are cute and stylish AND comfortable which is important for fighting, michelle matland was the costuming designer for the main characters of succession and her fits for shiv were so hot i need her on the team

DISTRACTIONS: i went for funny/strange instead of obnoxious. i think the gorilla would react poorly to a jojo siwa type distraction, and it would be angry and storm before we were ready. it would be bewildered by the chipettes and mabel, and in awe of angela, amita, and rachel’s talent and comedy. right

VERBAL ASSAULT: patti and abby are good at being mean with no basis and simply making you feel bad at yourself, “my mom” will work with them. chappell and ella go in for the kill after the defenses are weakened.

WAVE 1: i went for athleticism or power with this one, as well as justaminx and renee rapp who i think will be good instigators to both rile up and tire out the gorilla. the rest will be good for physically exhausting the gorilla. getting susie and undyne to not want to kill it may be difficult, but we’ll work on non-fatal fighting before the crusade

HALFTIME: peak

WAVE 2: now that the gorilla is physically tired out, i’ll assume it will still have the rage to fight even if it won’t be as strong. at this point we need to bring in psychological warfare. boygenius is there to calm and induce misery so bad the gorilla can’t cope when the other 9 are finished yapping and being annoying and making the poor gorilla want to jam its ears shut

WAVE 3: pure muscle, just in case the gorilla decides to try to fight back. uraraka will make the gorilla weigh nothing for as long as she can so it can be moved easily, but no promises. the other six will restrain and get the gorilla to somewhere safe post fight

HEALING: meredith grey is the only one that makes total sense here and i’ve never even seen the show. i think olivia would just be a very attentive and hardworking healer, able to provide basic first aid. barbie was a doctor so i hope she’s good. cartman’s mom and virgin mary are for emotional healing because they’re like nurturing or whatever and also for first aid

NEGOTIATIONS: self explanatory again i think? emma and bridgit are like. geniuses and know how to communicate well. judy hopps can appeal to animal ethos and authority if the gorilla supports cops (ew)

EMOTIONAL SUPPORT: i feel everyone here is self explanatory, but you might be wondering why drew afualo isn’t with the verbal assault group. on the off chance the gorilla is a woman gorilla, i don’t want to risk making drew insult a woman. she would never do that i think. i don’t know drew personally, but i think she’d enjoy hyping up the girlies more than being mean to an animal

DEFENSE: a bunch of people i think are very intelligent and caring and can hold down a fort OR have long range attack skills. zendaya and jenna marbles are super good at defending their private lives from the public so i put them here too. trisha paytas is good at defending herself from ever being canceled despite her actions so i think she’s invincible which makes good defense!

BENCH/LAST DEFENSE: didn’t know where to put these people. firmly believe they could take out the gorilla together. wouldn’t be a fair fight. only if we fight king kong