* 𝖜𝖊𝖘𝖙 𝐬𝐢𝐝𝐞 𝓫𝓪𝓫𝔂 .

name       :            milani   yolanda   abessolo  

nicknames   ,   aliases       :            lani   ,   mil   ,   milly      

date   of   birth       :            december   second   nineteen   ninety   nine

age       :       twenty   two        

gender   ,   pronouns       :        cis   woman   ,   she   and   her        

orientation       :         bisexual   ,   biromantic        

languages   spoken       :        english      

      associations                 ⇁                  sorrows    buried   under   sinking   soil   ,   the   fading   echo’s   of   a   high   pitched   scream   unrecognizable   to   own   ears    ,    a    never   fading   scent   of   mango   and   banana   lingering   in   chestnut   locks   ,    a   boyish   grin   attached   to   mature   features   burned   into   a   grief   filled   mind   ,    a   growing   stomach   dominating   the   ability   to   love   two   children   at   the   same   time   ,      a   blood   stained   hoodie   hidden   in   the   back   of   a   closest   untouched   for   four   years   ,   glossy   petals   pulling   back   to   reveal   memorizing   pearly   whites   ,   a   fear   of   a   past   passed   down   lurking   on   every   dark   corner   ,    skies   of   burnt   orange   and   pastel   pink   reflected   in   hazel   hues   ,   a   mother’s   touched   turned   cold   and   soon   set   on   fire   ,    birds   chirping   singing   lullabies   to   tired   hues   ,    a   boisterous   late   night   shift   that   provides   a   sensation   of   lost   ebullience   .        

                                           DEATH   ( BY   DRIVE   BY   SHOOTING   )                                                                                         TRIGGER   WARNING    

                                                       broken   words   of   a   self   declared   king   ,    a   promise   ,   whispered   to   her   long   before   her   physical   body   had   graced   the   world                         said   with   such   certainty   ,   such   determination    ;       ‘   darkness   shall   never   lay   a   finger   on   you   my   little    phoenix   ‘   .      mindless   manifestation   that   circled   back   in   the   form   of   a   radiance   emerald   hued   girl    .    the   sweet   milani   yolanda   abessolo   .    she   presented   the   gift   of   tenderness   ,    the   innocence   of   effortless   optimistic   .   a   rare   sight   in   the   world   of   lost   hope   and   bloodied   hands   .    

      los   angeles    ,   born   and   raised   .     the   city   of   angels   ,   but   from   the   abessolo   view   point   ,   los   angeles   was   the   city   of   devils   :   including   themselves   .     milani   would   be   told   stories   of   the   legend   ,   the   myth   ,   the   street   racing   god   .    would   even   drag   tiny   fingertips   against   vehicles   with   history   embedded   into   them   .     she’d   be   curious   ,   a   loquacious   mouth   that   begs   to   know   the   roots   of   her   parents   ,   their   love   story   ,   and   everything   in   between   .    she   had   stars   in   her   eyes   and   brown   locks   sticking   out   from   clouds   ,    and   with   that   held   on   to   everything   .   every   vowel   ,   every   gleam   in   reflected   hues   ,    every   smile   that   had   secrets   hidden   within   them   .

     uneventful   is   a   longing   that   failed   milani   ,     half   of   a   childhood   granted   .   got   to   experience   bed   time   stories   and   games   of   ‘   i   love   you   more   ‘   ,   scrapped   knees   and   peanut   butter   jellies   after   school   .   she   enstored   faith   in   fairy   tales   and   believed   all   monsters   hidden  under  her  bed  could  be  defeated  with  shut  eyes  and  digits  holding  a  stuffed  teddy  bear      .    as   her   father   promised   ,   darkness   shall   never   touch   her   .    so   he   kept   his   life   of   illegal   street   racing   ,   the   cons   and   the   pros   ,   as   separate   as   he   could    .   his   wife   only   helping   keep   their   daughter   out   of  harms   way   until   her   hands   grew   tired   and   her   presence   grew   less   .

    it   was   such   a   sad   thing   ,   to   witness  love   die   .   even   sadder   to   be   on   the   other   end   of   that   dying   love   .   heart   breaking   apart   as   the   single   minded   darkness   consume   her   mother   ,    feeling   of   utter   defeat   .     a   feeling   that   grew   more   and   more   intense   as   milani   realized   that   her   mother   leaving   was   nothing   compared   to   watching   her   mother   from   afar   pretending   she   didn’t   exist   .    what’s   a   child   without   their   mother’s   touch   ?   milani   wanted   to   answer   nothing   .   she   was   a   little  girl   who   needed   her   hand   to   guide   her   through   this   confusing   and   complex   world   .

       once   asked   the   heavens   with   tears   in   her   eyes   ,   “   what   else   do   you   want   to   take   from   me   ?   “   and   they   answered   six   years   later   in   the   echo   of   gunshots   and   the   colliding   of   pavement   and   a   body   .    seventeen   years   old   but   she   knew   ;   terrible   things   did   not   come   in   threes   ,   they   came   one   after   the   other   after   the   other   .   and   the   damaged   left   in   their   place   was   uncountable   .   it   planted   a   seed   of   grief   in   the  empty   pits   of   her   stomach   and  forced   her   to   grow   them   .     orphaned   ,   a   term   she’d   grow   accustomed   to   .     milani   abessolo   ,   darkness   has   won                     it   touched   you   .

      escaped   the   memories   of   warm   hues   that   smiled   proudly   down   at   her   ,   the   familiarity   of   a   beating   bass   and   the   smell   of   oil   as   her   dad   balanced   helping   her   with   her   homework   and   fixing   the   car   that   was   due   to   be   picked   up  by   the   end   of   the   day   .   she   ran   from   the   corner   store   where   once   a   month   she   ran   into   the   women   who   could   no   longer   look   her   in   the   eyes   .    and   she   fell   into   the   arms   of    eldora    ,   now   she’s   just   trying   to   survive   .