Rating Jareth’s multiple outfits in Labyrinth
Was inspired by a post from @witch-among-stars when they made a post about Eren’s various hairstyles from SnK. Also note that David Bowie played Jareth, and it’s impossible to make David Bowie look truly bad in anything.
Baby-napping Armor (10/10)
Look at this outfit! Look at it! This is his first outfit in the entire movie, so of course he has to look absolutely beyond fabulous. Alright, I dunno if this actually is armor or not, but I can definitely see him kicking butt and taking names in this. And that cape? That big, ridiculous collar? This outfit screams Gothic Fae King and I am living for it.
Also known as the “most cosplayed outfit” of Jareth, and for good reason. It’s actually pretty easy to throw together, especially since you can find this cosplay readily available online and at Spirit Halloween when it comes to town. I actually have a cosplay of this as well sitting in my closet. I may get some hate for rating it so low, but let’s be honest, this is far from his most fabulous outfit. The only reason we remember it so fondly is because this is the outfit he dances and sings “Magic Dance” in. (To be honest, I feel like he’d look ridiculous dancing around and singing with muppets in any of his other outfits).
“Let’s go terrorize a teenage girl and hand out drugged fruit.” (7/10)
Okay, literally all he did here was take his Dance Magic Dance outfit and throw a cape/jacket thing over it. Everything I had to say about the Dance Magic Dance outfit goes here as well with the addition that the cape/jacket thing helps complete the look. Not his most fabulous though.
Dramatically Sitting in a Window (8/10)
Looks like a low-key, relaxed version of the Baby-napping Armor. Like, this is probably what it looks like if he took the armored layer off and switched out the sheer black cape for a shimmering blue one. He looks positively beautiful here, but I miss the over-the-top armor.
Dreamy Drug-fueled Hallucination Sequence (9/10)
Peak 80s right here everybody. The blue streaks in his hair, the poufy sleeves, the over-the-top bedazzling of the top and belt… EVERYTHING. He straight up looks like a king right here. The only reason it’s not a 10/10 is because some of his other outfits put up some intense competition, but this one is truly iconic. I’d put this as the second most cosplayed outfit of his.
Goblin King Babysitter (7/10)
Looks like a combination of the Dance Magic Dance outfit and the Dramatically Sitting in a Window outfit. Not much else to say on it other than that. The guy looks lovely here.
“YOUR EYES CAN BE SO CRUEL!” (11/10)
It might seem weird that I’m rating an outfit so simplistic so high, but this is personally one of my favorite outfits in the entire film! The dark colors, the heeled boots (which he wears in every outfit), the leather top and gloves, AHH HE’S SO BEAUTIFUL AND SEXY!!!! I will never take criticism on this, he is the most attractive in this outfit, bar none!
The Final Confrontation (5/10)
Okay so the first half of the outfit looks great. The frills? Feathers? The Cape? All good. Looks nice. But… *looks down* WHAT IS THAT?! Now look, I know the infamous Bowie Bulge is prevalent in most of his other outfits. It just is. That was an intentional decision made by the filmmakers. But holy cow, it’s just way too noticeable in this scene. How did Sarah go through this scene without looking down even once?! Not even a glance? I’m sorry I don’t think I’m strong enough to handle this one. I know for some this is a favorite, but I just can’t.
