想いはこんがらがって | My thoughts get mixed up
互いにトンガリ合って。| and get angry with each other.
待って待って！| Wait! Wait!
こんな筈ないよ！| This kind of thing can't happen!
★⭒★⭒★⭒★⭒★⭒★⭒★⭒★⭒★⭒★⭒★
お、いいねいいね。| Oh, likes, likes.
そのエゴ抑えていく感じ。| You continue restraining that ego, that's the impression.
でもさ満たされないこと愛しててね。| But, come on, love the situation of unfulfillment, will you?
野暮ったい言葉は飲み込むのだ。| And swallow uncouth words.
☆⋆☆⋆☆⋆☆⋆☆⋆☆⋆☆⋆☆⋆☆⋆☆⋆☆⋆☆⋆☆
ねえあたしはあたしを発明したいの！| Hey, I want to invent myself!
縫って歪んだおニューなキメラ。| A newly purchased chimera sewn warped, right?
期待+プレッシャーが設計図だった。| Expectations + pressure were the blueprint.
吸って作ったおニューなキメラ。| Breathing, sucking, and kissing made the newly purchased chimera, right?
★⭒★⭒★⭒★⭒★⭒★⭒★⭒★⭒★⭒★⭒★
ねえあたしはあたしがもう解らないの！| Hey, I'm doing it again, not understanding myself!
変わって仕舞ったおニューなキメラ。| A changed, finished, newly purchased chimera, right?
滲んだ模様はメッセージだった。| The blurred design was a message.
望んで作ったおニューなキメラ。| Desires and expectations made the newly purchased chimera, right?
今日は！We're Mikoto and John! We're fictives from MILGRAM.
We like speaking Japanese because it makes us feel more connected to our source, but sadly, in this universe, we aren't fluent yet. But we are learning! Please forgive us if we make mistakes (◞‸◟)
Roleplay is OK! Unless you're acting as us… ごめんなさい でも that makes us uncomfortable.
I, Mikoto, will probably be posting the most, but I'm sure John-san will too!
I like cute things, mochi, miso soup, and cleanliness! I also like spirituality, but our system is a newbie to it.
John-san protects me and he likes rock music (especially J-rock!), and blood (ᵕ—ᴗ—) He doesn't mean to harm anyone though! He's really very nice! He's kinda my father/dad.
Oh-! Something funny about our John-san, we didn't love the name John because Es named him after the name police give to unidentified bodies…… We thought that was pretty rude… and we thought it would be really funny if we just added another syllable to 'Mikoto', so we call him 'Mikototo' too! www
I, Mikoto, love nicknames, so please use them for me! John-san also likes them, but sometimes he's not comfortable with strangers, so please ask for him.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
Our theory is that Mikoto always had a weak or vague sense of identity, focusing mainly on supporting others and meeting their expectations, and had an issue with dissociation. Work was just the last straw for him. He always had a "fractured" identity, but he didn't fully "split" until he hit a breaking point at work.
Hey, that makes me wonder actually... Do other systems also have a heightened attachment to fiction and fictional characters?
For us, being queer, physically disabled, deaf, neurodivergent, and plural, finding others like us – people who truly understand – has always been difficult, so we had to turn to fiction. Even before we became plural, we dissociated a lot and were really obsessive with fiction, a fact we attribute to our being autistic. We were constantly rejected by society, whether we knew it or not, but fiction was always there for us.
Maybe it's because in fiction, things are allowed to be exaggerated. Both due to trauma and neurodivergence, when we were younger, we were extremely emotional and had immense difficulty regulating ourselves. In real life, this was frowned upon, whereas in fiction, specifically cartoons, emotions were usually "big". Character' emotions are allowed to be loud and visible, and we really related to that.
Also, we really look up to certain characters. Sometimes, when we went through difficult things, before we knew of plurality, we would imagine our favourite character at the time motivating us, cheering us on. Or we would ask ourselves, "what would the character do?" and role-play as them to get through it.
Adding on to the emotions thing, I feel that certain traits of mental illnesses are more acceptable in fiction too. A character could have multiple people in their head debating each other to make a decision, and it can be played up for laughs, rather than shaming them for being "crazy". Yeah, I think it's mostly more acceptable when it's shown as a joke, but still. "Crazy" characters who are meant to be laughed at, are still allowed to be shown as good, well-meaning people. I think such characters allow us to feel more comfortable being "crazy", as we can reframe it as "Oh, I'm just like the character haha" instead of "I am of the people society hates and ridicules."
Even if we don't have a fictive of them, we're extremely attached to our favourite characters. We see ourselves "as" them, in a sense. Statements directed at them feel personal to us. It's probably not healthy, and it has caused problems for us in the past, but right now, that's just the way it is.
For us, fiction and plurality are inseparable. The way we became a system in the first place was by needing our favourite character to help us manage our anxiety. So, we've been wondering if other systems feel the same, and we'd really love to hear other systems' stories and thoughts on the topic!
means so much to our system. We've started cupping our face and rubbing our cheeks to self-soothe, especially our John fictive.
We are picking up all of Mikoto's habits, it seems. Previously, we would never rub the back of our neck, and now, we keep finding ourselves doing it! I mean, it's pretty natural for us; we've always been very attached to fiction and mimicked the traits of our favourite characters. It just feels odd this time, since Mikoto is so different to how most of us are.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
Mikoto: I am sad. I do not know why. Seeing and thinking of myself in canon makes me sad. I don't understand. It doesn't make sense. I don't understand.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
Deeply disturbed looking at transgender Fūta stuff right now. I know to others he seems a fictional character, but to me he's my boyfriend (oh yeah, update: we're dating Fūta now, ww). He is trans, but he's a man, not a woman. It upsets us to see him depicted as a girl or woman, the same way it upsets us to be called a girl.
Of course, I know we can't expect strangers to censor themselves for our comfort. But still, this is our blog, and we have a right to complain.
