Living like we're renegades

me: why did you bring me this

I hope you see me this semester, summer and anywhere else. Looking all awesome and shit. Because you can bet your ass I’m busting mine. Using all the anger I have towards you and putting it to use in the gym. And I hope you see this face pretending not to miss you. Smiling and laughing and pretending not to give a damn about what you fucking put me through. And I hope you regret everything. I hope you think to yourself "Damn. That's what I lost? I wish I could fix shit between us..".

And you know what? You probably could. Just by looking at me for 10 seconds and apologizing to me. But I'm going to pretend that I don't give a shit and that I'm over you. I'm going to pretend that there's not a word in the world you could say to me to let you back into my life as anything more than a friend. I'm going to pretend I'm perfectly fine and 200% happy with my life. But I'm not.

Yes I'm very happy. Yes I'm content with my life. Yes I have gone on quite a few dates with other people. Yes I’ve almost dated someone else. Yes I do like someone A LOT right now. Yes I have moved on a lot more than I thought I would have by this point. It’s been over a year. But you were my entire world. So no. I'm not 100% over you. Maybe 95%. Yes the thought of you and I trying again does make me just a little bit happier. But it also makes me sad because I know it wouldn’t be the same after what we’ve been through. Also I’m not an idiot. I just know it won’t happen again. We won’t happen again.

me: this will be fine