realized nowadays i just don't wanna deal with the censorship in dramas... maybe it's because real life is already a mess, i can't waste my leisure time thinking "oh yea this is actually a cut version due to homophobia 🤠". i don't know, i just feel so tired. it's all so tiring.

i've started liu yao now and i'm so curious about priest's mind. how do they come up with so many different concepts? and why is their "cultivation world" different? is it a priest thing or a literature movement?

been doing the same things expecting different outcomes. guess my failures are my own fault and it's kinda of a relief to come to terms with this but still- have I not done anything that could put me in a different situation? have I not studied enough, prepared myself enough for the harsh adult world? it's not that I can't accept that I failed, I just can't understand how it's possible that I fucked up everything.

i am so tired of not having money. tirelessly looking for a job for 2 years and still got nothing. studying for a major, doing a freelance... still, nothing is enough. when do we get to just enjoy being alive? to be able to pay nice dinners for our parents, stop overthink about every coin in the bank account?