you don't understand

2018: sad bitch

citizen: it's a plane!

*superman flies down with kryptonite between his teeth*

For example, a few days ago, at a nice little bakery near Byron Bay, I ordered an iced latte and stepped to the side to wait, I was one of only a two or three people in line. A few moments later everyone else has their drinks, and a gentleman walks up to the counter with his wife and his dog.

It’s a cute dog, it’s a beautiful lady, it’s a handsome man.

Wait, that’s not a handsome man.

That’s a handsome Chris Hemsworth.

It occurs to me that this man is, in fact, the god of thunder, the cute dumb possessed one from ghostbusters, the huntsman from that one Snow White remake with Bella from twilight. Yes, that is Chris Hemsworth.

Now, I’m torn because while the counter staff are (understandably) fawning over the celebrity who they seem to have encountered a few times before, my iced latte has been forgotten. I’m standing to the side, two feet from Chris Hemsworth trying to decide wether to focus on him, or his dog.

His back is to me, he has a very cute dog.

I focus on the dog.

A while passes and Chris and his dog and his wife start to leave, and then they’re walking away which is fine. A lady behind the counter looks at me.

“You had the latte?” She says, grabbing the milk jug from under the steamer.

“Iced latte.” Her coworker corrects her, pouring my drink, “I’ve got it.”

He looks to me, “sorry for the wait, we were a bit disracted.”

“Yeah, I get it,” I say, “that was a really cute dog.”

They stare at me.

They think I’m serious.

I look like a fool.

“I’m kidding.” I say finally and they both laugh as he hands me my beverage, after fifteen minutes of waiting.

I wasn’t mad that I had to wait.

I get it.

But now, a few days later, a gif crosses my dash, one of Chris Hemsworth; a blooper from Thor: Ragnarok.

Before now I’d think “wow what an attractive man. Beautiful. Stunning.”

Now all I can think is “that man made me wait fifteen minutes for a latte.”

It’s fine.

I got my drink.

The retail workers are working 12 hours shifts. We are threatened with losing our jobs if we don’t show up unless we’re dying in the hospital. I had an assistant manager show up with fucking strep because he would’ve been fired otherwise. Yes, he did infect 7 and hospitalize 2 coworkers; who knows how many members of the public he infected.

The stores have, maybe, 5 of that special cheap thing you’re after. Corporate does this on purpose, and stores are not allowed to order enough. The prices aren’t even that much lower. They lie about how expensive something is to fool you into thinking you’re getting a discount. You aren’t.

Most of the workers you will come across will be new hires for the sole purpose of being bodies for about three months before they’re fired. They actually don’t know anything because they’ve been working there for maybe two weeks, and have had no real training. I was once hired at Staples a week before Black Friday and expected to know how to deal with phones, coupons, the online ordering site, and AS400 after five 6-hour shifts. This is the kind of person you will likely be dealing with at Black Friday.