know this: you can start over, each morning.

«PANIC AND ANXIETY DISORDER “It`s all in your head” -the truth is, it`s actually all in your head, because it`s a mental disorder and it`s an actual thing and people do suffer and you feel like you can`t breathe and you know that there is not a problem to solve and the fact that you are panicking and you are anxious and the fact that you are doing all these things because of an non-existing problem makes it even worse and creates a problem and that “problem” you created in your mind shouldn`t be a problem but people make you feel different, make you feel that you are insane they make you feel like there`s no one like you. There is one thing you have to remember “People won`t believe you have a broken leg unless you have cast in it” People don`t see your problems People don`t feel them People just don`t understand And the make you feel out of your mind and make you feel crazy and make you feel extremely dumb in every single way possible. The truth is that people that are diagnosed with anxiety and panic disorder usually have a really high IQ. When I have panic attacks on public people tell me “You are out of your mind, there is no problem to be solved and there is nothing to be fixed so it will all be fine” Obviously of course that`s true but in that moment you feel like you are dying and someone is suffocating you and they are sinking your body in ice covered with boiling water and you cant breathe again and the walls are caving in and even if you are outside you feel claustrophobic and it feels like the whole fucking world is going to end and imagine that in a classroom or in a PE class or in a plane or even at your own fucking house and I just say “You only say that because you dont know what it feels like and it`s okay that you dont have the same problem as I do because I dont wish that on my worst enemy`` And of course not to forget that you will have to go back to the same plane, the same chair, the same gym and the same fucking bed where you cant sleep anymore cause you are constantly reminded by your brain that you had a panic attack right there and you just start not to feel safe anywhere and then you have to go back to school and face the faces that saw you crying and that think that you are crazy. From the moment you walk into a room where you had a panic or an anxiety attack until the moment you walk out you will be thinking of the pain that place brought and the whole thing it came with. That`s how having panic and anxiety disorder feels like, every single fucking day»

it’s crazy how such simple things can trigger such complicated memories.

It’s like you’ve taken something out of me and I have to search for the parts I can’t seem to remember. You’ve imprinted a lifetime of ghosts inside of me and I don’t know how to get them out without destroying myself.

ppl underestimate how much of an impact PTSD has on your memory, even after the trauma happened. like, what did I come in this room for? what did that person just say? did I eat lunch today or not? did I actually do anything today or did I just dissociate in my room for 12 hours straight without realizing it?