Me Just Trying to be Me

He skidded to a stop as he saw Jason Bryce swing a baseball bat, shattering a window. “You son of a bitch!”

He saw the surprise on Jason’s face as he whirled around, followed by rage. “Heard you were busy today. Figured I’d be done and gone before you showed up.”

“Well, you figured wrong.”

“Doesn’t matter.” He swung the bat again, shattering another window in a hail of jagged glass. “You think you can get away from me? Humiliate me, sick the police on me?” Another crash, another window gone. “Someone needs to put you in your place.”

“You humiliated yourself, and if you don’t put that down and get the hell off my property, I’m going to do a lot more than sick the cops on you.” Logan raised his chin, clenching his fists at his sides.

“Is that so? Just you and me now, isn’t it?” Jason slapped the bat against his palm, glaring at him. “Do you have any idea what you cost me?”

“I have a general idea, and it’s going to be a lot more soon. Trespassing, destruction of property.”

Jason didn’t use the bat on him, but he could see the look in his eyes when he considered it before tossing it away. He lashed out, slapping Logan across the cheek with that familiar, brutal force that snapped his head to the side.

Logan felt like his heart was about to beat out of his chest as he faced Jason down, ignoring the throbbing of his face. “That the best you’ve got? Seems like your dick isn’t the only thing that’s soft anymore.”

“You mouthy little bitch!” Jason snarled, throwing himself at Logan. “That fucking nobody ruined you, that stupid clod with his little brat! You’re mine, you’ll always be mine!”

Logan caught Jason and used his own momentum to throw him against the wall, lashing out with his fists, which clearly caught Jason by surprise. “I don’t belong to anybody but myself, you arrogant piece of shit!”

Jason grunted as he took the lighter blows before pinning Logan’s arms down and tossing him to the ground. He was bigger, and stronger, and he used his own body to force Logan down in the dirt. “Maybe you just need to be reminded. Isn’t that right, pet?” He gripped the back of Logan’s neck in a familiar hold that had his stomach churning with fear and disgust.

“Get your goddamn hands off of me!” Logan snapped, kicking up and out until he connected hard enough to make Jason wheeze and loosen his grip.

He heard shouts and running feet, and Logan scrambled away to slowly stand on rubbery legs as Virgil tore around the corner two steps ahead of Patton.

“I’m fine. I’m okay.” Logan said calmly, although his head was spinning like a carousel. “This bastard might need medical attention, though.”

“Fuck him!” Virgil snarled, reaching out to Logan. His hands feathered over Logan’s face as he checked for injury, scowling. “He HIT you? Jesus fucking Christ, he hit you?!”

“I got him worse, believe me. And we’re going to press all sorts of charges.” Logan gave a wan smile and patted Virgil’s shoulder as he slowly took stock of himself. He scowled as he spotted the tear on the knee of his pants. “Goddammit! I got this suit especially for today. All sorts of charges.”

“The police are on their way. Barbara called on her cell on her way back to Roman’s to get us.” Patton’s voice shook, and Logan could tell from the look on his face it was a combination of fear and rage.

“Good. That’s good.” Logan sagged a bit, the adrenaline draining out of him. “Virgil, can you do me a favor? Bring this piece of shit around front. I don’t want to see him any longer or I might grab that bat and do something that’ll land me in jail.”

“Let me stand him up first.” Patton reached down and hauled Jason up on his feet with one hand. He turned and looked at Logan, all steely blue eyes. “Sorry.” And plowed his fist into Jason’s face, sending him sprawling to the ground again.

“I don’t mind a bit.” Logan could feel a wide grin spreading across his face as his knees wobbled dangerously. “Not one damn bit.”

Virgil hauled Jason up by the back of his collar and started marching him away, grinning meanly as he kicked the bastard’s feet out from under him as they walked. “Oops, you’ve got to watch where you’re going, Brycey.” He looked back at Logan with a grin. “You sure kicked ass today, Lo.”

“Thanks. And if he so much as twitches wrong, you go ahead and hit him as hard as you want. No complaints from me.” Logan gave a tremulous smile as he leaned against the wall of the shop building. “But I think all this ass kicking has left me out of sorts, so if you don’t mind, I’ll sit right here and catch my breath?”

“Here.” Patton took off his suit jacket and laid it on the ground. “No need to mess up your suit any more than it already is.”

“Thank you, sweetheart.” Logan sank gratefully down, leaning against Patton to take in the warmth and support he offered. He sat quietly until his heart rate slowed to normal, until the tangle of nerves, rage and disgust in his belly had eased a bit. Broken glass glittered in the sunlight, scattered on the ground around them. Glass could be replaced, he reminded himself. He’d mourn his flowers, but he’d save some of the wounded, and he’d grow more. An abundance of more.

“How’s your hand?” he asked Patton.

“Fine. Good.” Patton all but spat it out. “He’s got a chin like a marshmallow.”

“Big strong man.” Logan turned to wrap his arms around him, and didn’t mention Patton’s raw scraped knuckles. Patton gently helped him to his feet, and he leaned in close, refusing to let him go just yet.

“He must have been crazy to think he could get away with this,” Patton muttered, glaring in the direction Virgil had dragged Jason off to.

“A little, I guess. I imagine he planned to be done wrecking my place before the wedding was over. He’d figure we’d blame it on kids -- or the police would. And all I’d have was a mess on my hands. A man like that has no respect for others. He doesn’t believe anyone can best him.” Logan replied softly, resting his head on Patton’s shoulder.

“One did.” Patton shot him a look, clearly indicating he wasn’t referring to himself. Logan rubbed his arms, then clutched gratefully at the lapels of Patton's jacket as he picked it up and draped it over his shoulders, wrapping an arm around him. Logan burrowed into his warmth, unsure if his bones would ever be warm again.

“I can hardly believe this happened. If you hadn’t come when you had--” Logan cut himself off, refusing to entertain that line of thinking.

“We could hear you shouting.” Patton said quietly. “You cost Virgil and I several years off our lives. So I’m going to say this once.”

He turned, taking the lapels of his jacket into his hands and holding Logan steady so he was facing him. “And you are damn well going to hear it. I respect and admire your steely will, Logan, and appreciate your temper and capability. But the next time you so much as think about taking on some lunatic with a bat all on your own, I’m going to be doing some ass kicking. And it’s going to be your ass with the bullseye painted on it.”

Logan angled his head, studied his face, and saw he meant every word he’d said. Son of a gun. “You know, if I hadn’t already decided on this thing I’m about to ask you, that would have done it. How can I resist a man who lets me fight my own battles, then when the time is right steps in and cleans house? After the dust is clear, he gives me a good piece of his mind for being an idiot. Which I was, no question, no argument.”

“Glad to hear we’re agreed on that.” Patton replied dryly.

Logan took a step closer, and wrapped his arms around his neck, pulling his boyfriend closer. “I really love you.”

“I really love you back.”

“Then you won’t mind marrying me.” Logan felt his body jerk, just a little, just once, then settle in against his own, warm and true.

“I don’t see a problem with that. Are you sure?” Patton murmured, gently sliding his hands around Logan’s waist, holding him close.

“If you had asked me that a few months ago, I’d say no, but I’ve never been more sure of anything in my entire life. I’m a logical person, a person who thinks things through, and then over-thinks them, and then thinks about them some more, and some more still – and yet I don’t know that I can define love. Yet the cliche about love, of course, is that you’ll know it when you’re in it, right?” Logan asked, looking up at him. Patton lifted a hand to gently cup his face, smiling softly at him. “I used to think it happened explosively. That love was something astronomically powerful that not only swept you off your feet, but knocked you down on your ass and soaked through your skin and became an overarching force that was impossible to ignore. But, what if that’s not it? What if love is quiet and soft? What if love is gradual and delicate? What if love isn’t an explosion, but is instead this calm feeling you get when you wake up one golden Sunday morning and realize that there’s nowhere else you’d rather be than next to this person whose quirks make you laugh until you can’t breathe? Lately, I think I’ve stopped trying to define it and have started to believe that being in love is about more than just explosive emotion. And yet, it’s also about more than just finding someone to coexist with in the same space at the same time. Love is about finding someone who lights even the tiniest parts of your soul on fire. It’s about finding someone who makes you more you, who will even surprise you every now and then by knowing you better than you know yourself.” Logan leaned into Patton’s touch, feeling his heart leap even now.

“Am I that person to you, Lo?” Patton’s voice was thick with emotion, his blue eyes shimmering with tears.

“I believe I have found that person in you, and no one else will suffice.” Logan’s hands fisted in his boyfriend’s hair, his face intense. He didn’t talk about emotions, didn’t do this very often, so he wanted to take the opportunity to pour out all the words he’d probably never say again while he still could. “I want a safe place to rest my lips, and a soft place to land. I want someone who will keep me in his heart because that’s where I’ll be warm and safe. I want someone who will look at me when I’m at my messiest and kiss me on the forehead, someone who thinks I’m lovely in the morning, and at night, and during all the in between times. Someone who knows how much I like to be whispered to and who isn’t scared off when I’m crying, rare though that may be. Someone who can sense when I’m overwhelmed, who just knows when life is too much and who will, in those moments, stand close enough to me to block everything else out. Most importantly, I want someone who will stand beside me and face my battles with me, rather than standing in front of me. I want you, for the rest of our lives. I want Thomas and Parker and messy pizza nights and and everything that goes--”

Patton cut him off with a fierce kiss, swallowing whatever words Logan may have said. Logan made a soft sighing sound and melted into him, happily yielding in that moment. He leaned on him, knew without a doubt that he could lean on him--and trust him to step back when he needed to stand on his own.

Everything inside of Logan calmed, even when they broke the kiss and he snuggled against Patton’s chest, looking out at the destruction of what was his. He would fix it, save what could be saved and accept what couldn’t. He would live his life, plant his gardens, and walking hand-in-hand with the man he loved, he would watch both bloom. It wasn’t how he’d planned to do this, not by a long shot, but it was still the happiest moment of his life. “Do you think Thomas will be okay with it?”

“Are you kidding? He’d been pestering me for weeks now, asking when I was going to marry you and when we’d get to come live with you forever. Pretty sure he’d already decided you’re his stepfather.” Patton grinned, rolling his eyes fondly at the thought of his energetic son. “Now come on, slugger. I think we’ve got a police statement to give.”

“Mmm. But let’s hold off on announcing our engagement for a few days. I want Roman and Virgil to have their moment. Even if Jason put a dark cloud on it.”

“Are you serious? Virgil got to see him get his ass kicked. He’ll probably thank you for the wedding present.”

Logan threw his head back and laughed, the sound echoing in the sunlit air around them. No matter what else came next, he knew he had faced his demons and won. And he would never have to face it alone.

“There are literally ten rings that Roman would wear right in this first row, Virgil. You’re getting married in 48 hours, and you can’t do that without a ring, or so I have been told.” Logan arched a brow at Virgil, who shot him a frustrated glare.

“It can’t be just ANY ring! I need a ring that’s at least as good as the one currently sitting on my left hand!” Virgil held out the hand in question, the ring of red and black melding together in a perfect mix of himself and Roman. “Standard diamonds and gold just aren’t going to cut it here.”

Just as Virgil was about to write it off as yet another failure and melt into a small puddle of panic, Logan spotted a ring in the back of a small case. It was black with a twisting motif of purple, Virgil’s favorite color. “What about that one?”

The ring that Roman had given him sat heavy on Virgil’s finger, and he looked closer at that one ring. It was...him. It would be his favorite color on Roman’s finger, for always. “Excuse me, can I see this one, please?”

“Of course, sir.” The jeweler smiled as she opened the case and pulled the black and purple ring out for Virgil to inspect. As he turned it over in his hands, he thought about how it would look on Roman, about how this flash of dark and color would gleam against tanned skin.

“I’ll take it.” Virgil’s soft smile melted into a put upon scowl as Logan heaved a great sigh of relief. “What?!? It had to be perfect!”

“I’m just relieved that perfection actually exists. What kind of best man would I be if I let you face your future husband without a wedding ring? You’d be dead before you were married.” Logan grinned as Virgil playfully smacked him.

“Yeah, yeah, you saved the day. Now let me pay for this so I can finally check the one thing I’m responsible for in this wedding off my list.” Virgil handed over his credit card with no regrets, taking the small bag from the jeweler with a grateful smile.

“That’s not true, Virgil. You’re also responsible for showing up.” Logan followed him out of the shop, giving the amused jeweler a friendly wave goodbye.

“Nah, that’s what you’re responsible for.” Virgil winked at him as he got into Logan’s car.

“Oh, so I have to add “wrangle Virgil” to my list of matrimonial duties? Thought you were looking forward to this.” Logan laughed as he started the car and drove them towards the cafe.

“Oh, I am. Probably not as much as Roman, if the sobbing over his wedding binder last night was anything to go by.” Virgil shook his head fondly at the memory. “I don’t know, I just don’t see the point of all the fuss, you know? We love each other. We’re in this for life, until we’re old and wrinkly and gray. That’s the headline here, everything else is just window dressing.”

“Don’t let Roman hear you say that! He’s worked very hard on this wedding and it means a great deal to him.” Logan shot Virgil a warning look, arching a brow as his best friend put both hands in the air like he was surrendering.

“I know, and that’s the only reason it matters to me at all. You know me, I hate all the attention, but Roman wants this. He’s been dreaming of this, and I want to give him that one perfect day, you know?” He looked out the window, face flushing at the admission.

“Yeah, I know. Why do you think I agreed to turn Roman’s backyard into his dream garden? Roman wanted to get married at his house, where we all had so many good memories with us and Mom, and I couldn’t say no even if I’d wanted to.”

“His puppy dog eyes should be classified as a lethal weapon, I’m telling you!”

“Oh, his have nothing on Patton’s, let me assure you. Seems to be a family trait.” Logan chuckled as he remembered the way Patton and Thomas had ganged up on him last week. “And Thomas isn’t far behind. I truly stand no chance.”

“Wow, two Sanders Puppy Dog eyes at once? You are well and truly fucked, Lo. There is no escape.” Virgil gave his arm a sympathetic pat as they parked. “I’ll see you tomorrow for the rehearsal dinner. You're still good with all of us crashing at your house for it, right?”

“It’s not like I don’t have the room, Virgil. Go, have fun. Enjoy your last night as singles together, since Roman already asked me to have a guest room made up for you so you won’t see him before the wedding.” Logan laughed as Virgil groaned loudly in protest and threw his head back against the seat.

“Great. Can’t wait. I’ll see you tomorrow, Lo….and….thanks. For everything, you know?”

“You don’t ever have to thank me. We’re family, this is what we do for each other.” Logan’s face softened at his best friend’s quiet words, and he knew why Virgil had said it. Not many people would have given or done as much as he had, and his best friend hadn’t had the easiest life growing up. Of course he’d feel the need to express gratitude, even if it was totally unnecessary. “...Did you ever decide? About your mother?”

Virgil froze, his whole face shuttering like a switch had been flipped. “Yup. Not changing my mind. She may have given birth to me, but she isn’t my mother. My mom is buried out in the cemetery, and my brother is my best man. I don’t need any other family than that.”

Logan felt sentimental tears sting his eyes at that, and he blinked rapidly to keep them at bay. “Alright then. Your family will be right there with you, every step of the way. For what it’s worth, Mom would have been very proud of you. She always thought you and Roman would make a good couple, so she’s probably giggling into her tea right now.”

“Goddammit, why did EVERYONE figure us out before we did?!?” Virgil shook his head as he got out of the car, leaning down to meet Logan’s eyes. “She would have loved all this. Like to think she’s still watching, you know?”

“She is, Virgil. And she’ll definitely be watching on the big day.” He watched Virgil nod once before closing the door and heading into the house, leaving his purchase with Logan for safekeeping until the ceremony.

__________________________________________

It was a perfect day for it, tailor made with candy blue skies and balmy air scented with flowers. Everything that Logan had planted with Patton and Virgil’s help was blooming in an explosion of shapes and colors. There were white chairs set on the lawn, and a shimmery drape of fabric tied with bunches of fresh flowers marked the aisle that Roman would walk down.

Patton turned away from the window, smiling as he watched his mother and sister fuss over Roman’s gown. It was a stunning dress, an elaborate white ball gown with beading and a train, dyed red just at the bottom. Roman had foregone a veil in favor of fresh flowers woven into his hair, and Val had done his makeup in red and gold with lashes that made his eyes look stunning. His brother looked beautiful today, and he could feel himself getting a little misty. “You look incredible, Ro.”

“Damn straight he does! God, I wish I had your cheekbones.” Val giggled as she applied just a touch more highlight before stepping away to let Roman inspect her work. “Virgil is going to absolutely die. I can’t wait.”

“Oh honey, there is nothing straight about today! But I do look spectacular, if I do say so myself.” Roman laughed before giving Valerie a fond hug. “Thank you, menace.”

“You’re welcome, brat.” Val mumbled, blinking back some tears.

“You always were a queen, sweetheart. Today you just look the part.” Lydia grinned as her children laughed, then gently reached out to take Roman’s hand. She placed a beautiful bracelet of sapphires and diamonds on Roman’s wrist, fiddling with the clasp until it sat just right. “Logan asked me to give you something today. Something old, something new, something borrowed and something blue, isn’t that the old saying? He said it was his mother’s set, so now you’ve got the borrowed, blue and old all in one.”

Roman took a deep, shuddering breath, one hand gently tracing over the bracelet with shaking fingers. “I wish you could have spent more time with Minny, mom.”

“I do, too, sweetheart. She was a special woman, and it’s so sweet of Logan to think of this. And all the work he did to put this together just how you wanted? You’d better say thank you.” Lydia smiled as she straightened Roman’s train, fluffing it a little. “And Patton, you’d better hang on to him.”

“Oh, don’t you worry, I intend to.” Patton laughed as he gave Roman a hug. “Now, you ready to get out there and wow the crowd?”

“Aren’t I always?” Roman laughed as he took his bouquet from Val, straightening his shoulders. He knew it wasn’t traditional for a man to wear the dress, but he’d always wanted a gown and his family and future husband were more than supportive. He felt beautiful, regal even, and he couldn’t wait to see Virgil’s face.

Out on the lawn, just underneath an arch that was decorated with red roses and purple wisteria, Virgil fidgeted as Logan straightened his tie for him. “Not getting the jitters, are you, Virge?”

Virgil smiled at him and shook his head. “I’m not nervous anymore, not even a little jump in my belly, Lo. He’s a good man.”

“Yes, he is. A very good one.”

“I made him wait for so long. Years, when you think about it.” He let out a laughing breath as the music struck up. “Time’s up.”

Logan chuckled and took his place by Virgil’s side, feeling his heart absolutely melt at the sight of little Lily toddling carefully down the aisle in her dress, tossing flower petals, then little Thomas in his suit carrying the rings. He gave Thomas a thumbs up before taking the ring boxes with a smile. Patton entered next, his blue eyes alight with joy as he took his place opposite Virgil, Logan and Thomas, gently holding Lily’s hand.

It was sweet, watching Roman walk down the aisle to Virgil. Watching Virgil’s face light up in awed delight at the sight of his future husband. The ceremony was perfect, soft and lovely with a gentle breeze wafting the perfume of the floral blooms through the air. They had wanted to get married in the garden they would tend, in the home they would live in together, and it struck Logan as a perfectly romantic setting.

Virgil’s vows were earnest and heartfelt, prompting Roman to blink rapidly and fan himself to avoid crying. Roman’s own vows were poetic but heart wrenchingly honest, and Virgil kissed his hand after they exchanged rings. It was perfect, Virgil looking handsome in his suit, Roman looking flawless in his gown, and the crowd broke into spontaneous applause when Virgil swept his husband off his feet and twirled him around before kissing him. Barbara topped off the ceremony by popping the first bottle of champagne to toast the happy couple.

“You do good work, sweetheart.” Patton said as he clinked a champagne glass against Logan’s.

“I didn’t do anything.”

“It’s like a family tree. They two of them sprung from a branch on your tree. You aren’t family by blood but it amounts to the same, really. It’s their connection to you that brought them together. They did the rest, but the connection started it,” Patton said softly, watching his brother beam from Virgil’s arms as the photographer snapped pictures.

“That’s a sweet thought. I’ll take it.” Logan sipped his champagne and blinked back the sting of sentimental tears. He’d been mentally wrestling with his own thoughts and feelings lately, and watching the joy on his best friend’s face today was settling his heart into the comfortable acceptance that this was something he might just want for himself. “I wanted to talk to you about something, actually. It can wait until after Roman has his big day. By rights, a wedding day should belong to the bride, after all.”

“Oh? What did you want to talk about?”

“Let’s just say it’s about connections.” Logan gave Patton’s cheek a fond kiss. “I need to run back to the house really quickly. With all the excitement today, I forgot the very special bottle of champagne I had for the bride and groom.”

“I can go get it,” Patton offered, running one hand down Logan’s back with a smile.

“It’ll be faster if I do it. Fifteen minutes, tops.”

As he walked to his car, he was stopped when Barbara called out to him. “Hey, Logan! Hold up!” She paused by Logan, slightly breathless with a crying Lily in her arms. “I’ve got a cranky little girl here who won’t go down for her nap. Car rides always put her out. We can take mine, it has the car seat?”

“Sure. It’s going to be a quick run, though.”

“Oh, that doesn’t matter. She’ll be out like a light in a minute.” Barbara gave him a grateful smile as she expertly wrestled Lily into her car seat and started towards Logan’s house. As advertised, the baby’s head started to droop and she quieted before they even got out of Roman’s driveway.

“Works like a charm.”

“From what Patton tells me, it does the same for Thomas, too. She looks so sweet in her little pink party dress.”

“Everything looked so beautiful today! If Shir and I ever renew our vows, I want it to be just like that. Flowers, family and friends. I always thought I’d want a big church extravaganza, but this was so romantic.” Barbara said softly, smiling as she drove.

“It was just perfect for them. So nice to--wait. Slow down! Stop the car!”

“What? What’s the---oh my god!”

They both stared towards Minny’s Garden. Logan had closed for the day to allow everyone to enjoy the wedding. But someone, he could see, had been there. Someone still was. Several of the outdoor displays were overturned, and a car was parked sideways on the grounds, crushing one of the flower beds.

“Go. You and the baby, get back to Roman’s right now.” Logan said, reaching for the door handle. “Call the police as soon as you get there.”

“Don’t! Don’t go in there right now.” Barbara gave him a horrified look.

“It’s my place.” And he was already running.