A-Valorous-Choice

Patton had even broken out the proper camera for the occasion, much better than the blurry phone. 

He really had to upload the images to a computer or get them printed. It was something he had been putting off for quite some time though, as he knew the camera contained some of the last ever snapshots of his wife.

“Oh well,” Patton said, returning the lens cap. “We got a lot of great photos!” 

He was just sad that he hadn’t been able to get any of Virgil and Thomas together before Virgil had bolted out the front door.

“I wanna see, please and thank you!” Thomas insisted, making a grab for the camera but Patton held it just out of reach.

“Later kiddo,” he chuckled. “It’s time to go into class now.” 

Even though Patton was the one who said it, the words still cut through him like a knife. His youngest child, his smallest baby, was about to start kindergarten.

He could feel the tears coming on. 

“Actually.. Thomas, are you sure you want to go to school this year?” Patton said. He had no issues holding Thomas back if it meant he got to have more time with him.

Miss López, Thomas’s teacher, wandered over at that moment, seeming to be no stranger to the nervous parent. “Don’t worry Mr. Sanders,” she said. ‘Thomas and I are sure to have a great time, aren’t we?” she smiled at Thomas who nodded. 

“Yeah!” Thomas said.

“It is time for him to head inside and join the other children now though,” Miss López told Patton gently. 

“Okay.” Patton took a deep breath, the other tearful parents walking past were not helping. “Have a wonderful day, Thomas.” He bent down to hug his son. “I’ll be back to-”

“Bye, Daddy!” Thomas said and ran into his classroom.

Oh. Well, okay then. 

Miss López giggled behind her hand. “Don’t take offense, Mr. Sanders,” she said. “I think adults have a much harder time adjusting than the children do.” 

“It sure seems that way,” Patton said, straightening up. “I guess I’ll see you this afternoon Miss López.”

“Please call me Vanessa.” 

“Okay, Vanessa,” Patton said. “Have a nice day.”

With my son…while I wallow in my sadness… 

“You, too.”

Patton thought about those two words as he trudged back to his car. How was he supposed to have a pleasant day when his youngest son didn’t seem to care for his absence, and his eldest barely acknowledged his existence?

Truthfully though, it wasn’t Thomas he was concerned about. Patton knew that Thomas had just been excited to start school and he was sure that he still loved his dad, but Virgil on the other hand…

Patton could remember Virgil’s first day of kindergarten - how unlike Thomas he had been; a tiny ball of nerves clinging to his dad’s legs that had needed to be coaxed into the fray by his teacher. 

Virgil had once relied so heavily on his dad for protection and comfort, but nowadays it felt as though they barely spoke to one another. It wasn’t for lack of effort on Patton’s part though, it was just that every attempt he made was met with contempt and resistance. 

Patton slid into his car, wondering what he could do to repair the damage between himself and Virgil.

He sat idly for a while before coming to the conclusion that he should go visit his parents. With both kids in school, Patton had no desire to be alone today; besides, his folks were clever people, maybe they’d have a solution to his problem. 

-----------

“You have no idea how wonderful it is to have you home.” Patton’s father Ethan said as he handed over a cup of coffee. Patton definitely had some notion; one of the best things about moving back into his hometown was getting to reconnect with his family again. 

“I missed you guys, too.” Patton said, and Ethan lightly patted his son’s cheek. 

Harmony, Patton’s mother, was flipping through the photos on Patton’s camera with a wide smile on her face. “Thomas is so adorable,” she said. “Are you sure you don’t want me to print these for you?” “No,” Patton said. “I’ll get around to it, eventually.” 

“Alright, dear.” Harmony sighed. “Such a shame you couldn’t get Virgil in any of them, but I suppose he’s going through his teenage rebellion stage, isn’t he?” Patton took a small sip of his coffee. “If you want to call it that,” he said. “I think it was because of me that he didn’t want his picture taken though.” If Thomas had asked then it would have been a different story; Virgil did just about anything Thomas requested of him. 

“What do you mean?” Ethan asked. 

“He’s just so angry at me,” Patton said. “I know he didn’t want us to move but I didn’t think he’d hate me for it. I thought he’d at least be excited to live closer to you both.”

“I’m sure he doesn’t hate you,” Harmony said soothingly. “You know what teens can be like.” 

“This is different.” Patton was no stranger to Virgil’s teenage mood swings, but this animosity Virgil currently had towards his dad was something new entirely. 

“Well,” Ethan began carefully. “He has been through something traumatic, more so than any of us could even begin to understand. Perhaps he is just struggling with those emotions and is unfairly lashing out at you.” 

“Maybe.” Patton said, unconvinced. 

“Have you thought about a therapist?” Harmony suggested. 

Patton would be lying if he said that he hadn’t considered it, but he just couldn’t see Virgil bonding with a total stranger. “I don’t know,” he said. “He doesn’t really trust anyone these days, I don’t know if a therapist could get through to him.”

“It’s worth a shot.” Ethan said. “Tell you what, your mother and I will look around, see if we can find anybody we think is suitable and we’ll let you know, okay?”

“You don’t have to-”

“Patton, let us help.” Harmony said firmly. “You’re dealing with a lot too - navigating your own grief while getting the boys through theirs, you have to remember that you’re not alone in this.”

“In any case a therapist would be good for all three of you,” Ethan added. 

Patton felt his shoulders sag - whether with relief or defeat, he wasn’t sure. “Okay,” he said. “Thank you.”  As a parent himself, Patton was well aware that it was Harmony and Ethan’s duty to assist whenever they could, but he still sincerely appreciated it. 

“No need for that,” Harmony said. “It’s what we’re here for.”

“There was something else I wanted to discuss with you,” Ethan said after a short pause. “Have you figured out what you’re planning to do for work?”

Patton exhaled slowly. That was a tough question. 

Patton and his wife had previously owned a store together but after…. everything that had happened, he had sold it; the money he had received for it had been enough to buy his new house, but it also meant that he was without an ongoing source of income. 

“I was thinking of going back to school.” Patton admitted. “Even though I know it isn’t possible, with the boys and needing some money in between.” 

“School?” Harmony echoed. “As in veterinary school?”

Patton shrugged shyly. It was a pipe dream, of course, but ever since he was a child he had dreamed of being a veterinarian; unfortunately, becoming a father at a young age had forced him to drop out - and now that he was a single father those plans were to be put on hold perhaps indefinitely.

He’d never blame Virgil or Thomas, he loved his sons more than anything in the entire world, but sometimes he wished that he could be both; a great dad and a successful veterinarian.

However, he wasn’t sure he could be either these days. 

Forcing himself out of his tangled web of a brain, Patton noticed his mother and father staring at each other with unreadable expressions on their faces. “Are you okay?” Patton said. 

Harmony gave a small nod and Ethan shuffled forward, placing his hand over Patton’s. “Is that what you truly want?” 

“I’d love it.” 

“It would take a long time,” Ethan said, “and many sacrifices and effort on your part.”

Patton was unsure of what was happening, hadn’t he just said that he couldn’t afford to do it? “I know.”

“As long as you’re aware of that,” Ethan squeezed Patton’s hand comfortingly before letting go. “Then your mother and I will help you.”

It took some time for the words to fully sink in. Patton stared wordlessly at his father before he managed to blurt out, “what are you saying?”

“Look, I need some extra hands at the cafe,” Ethan said. “If you and Virgil work for me then Harmony and I will pay for you to go back to school and finish your degree - this way you can take time off whenever you need to and still pay the bills.” 

“I’d also be happy to babysit Thomas whenever you need someone.” Harmony chimed in. 

Patton felt tears stinging the corner of his eyes. Gosh, he loved them. 

Patton had been Ethan and Harmony’s miracle; the only child they’d been able to conceive after years of trying, and due to that, he had always had an extremely close bond with his parents… but he was quite sure that he had never felt as grateful for them as he did in this moment.

“I can’t ask you to do that,” he said.

“You’re not asking,” Harmony replied. “We’re telling you.” 

“But I-”

“Patton,” Ethan interjected kindly. “I know what it feels like to be passionate about something, almost like an itch you can’t scratch until you go after it.”

Patton knew that Ethan was telling the truth; his father’s biggest love had always been cooking. Ethan had worked as a chef for a long time - even opening a cafe in his later years - so it was possible that he knew better than anyone what Patton was feeling.

“You would be doing us a favor.” Harmony insisted. “Ethan would be able to be with me more often.”

“That’s a good point.” Ethan said, stroking his chin. “I have seen the way Herbert looks at you during bingo, if I’m at work too much then he might make his move and steal you away.”

Harmony snorted.

Patton watched them through watery eyes. “I don’t know what to say.”

“You don’t need to say anything.” Ethan smiled. “We just want to see you and our grandchildren happy again, that’s our biggest concern.”

Patton agreed with that. 

Fixing his family was of the utmost importance to Patton and he had always thought that it had to start with Virgil…but maybe he had gotten it all wrong. 

Maybe the best way Patton could repair their little trio was to start with mending himself.

He didn’t mind though. It was the telltale sign that he and his family had survived through the night.

Unless their throats were slit and I couldn’t hear their screams because they were drowning in their own blood, Virgil thought to himself. 

A-CHOO!

Virgil let out a breath he didn’t know he had been holding. 

His dad was okay then, if that sneeze was any indication. Nobody could make a noise like that if they were dead.

But what about Thomas? 

Virgil unfurled his stiff body from the window seat he had been perched on all night; having the bedroom with the bay window had been one of his conditions when they had moved into their new home.

It was the easiest way for him to see if anyone was walking down the driveway. 

He tiptoed across the hall to his brother’s room, his heart skipping a beat when he saw that the bed was empty and the blankets had been thrown haphazardly to the floor.

Where is he? What happened to him? Did someone take him?!

Virgil tried to compose himself and think rationally; he hadn’t slept a wink all night so surely he would have heard something if Thomas had been kidnapped. 

Unless, of course, he had dozed off… Could he say with the utmost certainty that hadn’t closed his eyes for at least five minutes?  

“Virgil, are you awake, bud?”

Patton’s deep voice traveled up through the house, and Virgil ran to the landing, peering down at the first floor. “Is Thomas down there?” 

Patton nodded. “He’s in the kitchen.”

“I didn’t hear him get up,” Virgil said, almost hysterically. 

“He slept with me last night,” Patton explained, “he had a nightmare.”

“Fuck!” 

“Virgil, language.”

“I’ll be down in a minute.” Virgil snapped, and then stormed off into the bathroom, slamming the door shut behind him.

That settled it.

If Thomas had snuck into Patton’s room and Virgil hadn’t heard him then he must have fallen asleep... 

…Which meant that he had put his entire family at risk. They could have been killed, just like his mom-

NO!

Virgil dug his nails into his hair, taking deep breaths to calm himself down. He couldn’t think about her right now.

He couldn’t think about how they had moved towns because the pain of staying in their old one had been too much for his dad. He couldn’t think about how he was starting to forget things about his mom, like her laugh and the scent of her perfume. He couldn’t think about how if he had just been a better son then she wouldn’t be-

“Virgil?” A knock at the door. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Virgil rolled his eyes, even though nobody could see. “Just give me a minute.” 

“Are you sure?” Patton was persistent, a trait that Virgil used to admire but it just irritated him these days. “If you’re sick then-”

“I said I’m fine!” 

There was a short pause. “Okay.” Patton sounded hurt. “Come down when you’re ready.”

Virgil heard Patton’s footsteps retreat, and he turned on the tap, splashing his face with cold water. 

He thought about his relationship with Patton as he got ready for the day; they hadn’t always been this way, they had actually been rather close for the majority of Virgil’s life. 

It was when Patton had announced they were moving so shortly after his wife’s death that the bond between the father and son had become strained. Virgil had never wanted to leave the only life he had known - despite the traumatic events he had suffered through - and Patton had felt that a new beginning was the best thing for them. 

His dad had once been his best friend, but nowadays Virgil could hardly stand the sight of him. 

With his backpack slung over one shoulder Virgil trudged downstairs, taking great care not to trip over a few of the moving boxes still strewn about the place; his kitten, Sally, peered out from one of them, observing him with interest.

“I have an idea,” Virgil said, stopping to scratch her under the chin. “Why don’t I stay home and hide from the world and you go to school instead, hmm?” 

Sally rubbed her head against his hand, and he chuckled. The little black cat had been a gift from Patton - possibly a last-ditch effort to win Virgil’s affection back, and it had almost worked.

Almost.

Virgil picked Sally up and she mewed in protest, but he knew that if he didn’t keep her away from the boxes then someone was bound to accidently throw them out with her still inside. 

“How about I smuggle you in my jacket?” he murmured to her. “If I make any enemies then you can bite them for me.” 

Sally didn’t seem to think much of this plan, if her wiggling was anything to go by, so Virgil placed her gently on the floor where she immediately curled up in a patch of sunlight and fell asleep.

“-Uh, ten!”

Relief washed over Virgil as heard his brother’s voice; having Patton tell him that Thomas was okay and truly knowing it for himself made a big difference to Virgil’s nerves. 

“Ten?” Patton seemed a lot happier than he had several minutes ago. “Gosh, that sure is a lot!” 

Virgil stood in the doorway of the kitchen, his dad and brother were sitting at the counter, a stack of pancakes in front of them, and he felt the slightest twinge of jealousy.

He was being stupid, he knew. He was the one who had torn apart the relationship with his dad, but somehow it still hurt to see how well Patton and Thomas got along without him. 

Or perhaps, it was how easily they could just move past what had happened to his mother that made Virgil envy them.

They hadn’t been there, they hadn’t seen the things Virgil had, hadn’t felt her blood slipping through their fingers like sand, hadn’t-

“Virge!” Thomas cried, pulling Virgil out of his thoughts. “You were asleep forever!” 

“Liar.” Virgil scoffed. “I didn’t sleep at all.” He ruffled Thomas’s hair and grabbed an orange from the fruit bowl.

Thomas giggled, but Patton’s smile faded. “Bad dream?” he asked Virgil.

Virgil shrugged. “My whole life is a bad dream.” 

“I wish you wouldn’t say stuff like that, kiddo,” Patton said, “especially in front of Thomas.”

“He can handle it,” Virgil said, idly peeling his orange. “He’s a kindergartener now, after all.” 

Thomas puffed his chest out proudly. “Yeah!” he said. “No more pre-school. I’m not a baby no more.” 

“You’ll always be my baby.” Patton said, and Virgil glanced away.

God. It was hard to believe that Thomas was five and would be starting kindergarten; it felt like only yesterday that his parents had told him he was going to get a sibling.

He was excited for Thomas, he knew that his brother had been looking forward to this day for a long time, but he really wished his mother was with them.

She should have been able to take a hundred photos of Thomas and gush over him, same as Patton. 

“I’m gonna make ten friends!” Thomas informed Virgil. 

“Well, that’s ten more than I’m going to make.” Virgil said.

He wasn’t good at making friends, it had taken him years to build up the very few friendships he had made in their old town, and now he would have to start all over again.

Just another thing to blame his father for.

“Aw, don’t say that.” Patton said. “I’m sure you’ll make tons of friends.”

 “Oh, well, if my dad says I will then it must be so,” Virgil said sarcastically.

He tossed aside the uneaten orange and grabbed a granola bar from the cupboard, shoving it into his backpack. “Are you sure you don’t want some pancakes? I made plenty,” Patton said.

“Yeah, and I helped!” Thomas held out his hands which were covered in maple syrup. 

“They smell delicious,” Virgil smiled at his brother, “but I’ll miss my bus.”

“Do you want me to drive you?” Patton said. “I’m happy to-“

Virgil shook his head. “Dad, it’s bad enough that you’re making me go to a new school,” he said. “The last thing I need is to walk in with you holding my hand.”

“I wasn’t-”

“Have a good day at school, Thomas.” Virgil said. “I hope you make all ten friends and more.” 

“Virgil-”

Virgil ignored Patton as he left the house; he knew that Patton would try and make him talk about it later, but for now he could pretend as if he hadn’t heard him. 

Virgil walked the short distance to the bus stop - the route didn’t go by his house, which was another way this town sucked more than his old one, and he felt his phone buzz in his pocket once he got there.

He pulled it out, hoping that it was one of his friends; the texts from them had come few and far between since the move, but he was optimistic that they were just busy, and hadn’t given up on him.

Unfortunately though it was just a software update reminder and a text from Patton.

From: Patton

I hope you have a good first day, bud. I know things are tough right now but you’ll be okay. Your mom would be proud and so am I 😻 🐸 🌈 💙 xx 

Virgil deleted the message and switched his phone to Do Not Disturb. 

He should have replied, he wanted to, but he couldn’t bring himself to.

Despite what most people would think, Virgil didn’t hate Patton.

Things were just complicated…

His whole life was complicated.