être libre.

‘Don’t forget me, okay?’

don’t forget about me

Top 21 Male Characters » as voted by my followers ☆

 Kaori was another step closer to getting to play with him. He was  standing and would hopefully go and start playing without her having  to tell him. Though it was in the music room and not on a stage with  people clapping and cheering while awaiting to hear them play, she  loved it just as much. It was only them. Maybe some people listening  outside of the door but no applause and no competition. They could  both mess up without and Kousei wouldn’t have anything to fear. It  was just them.

Kousei has to will his heart to be still. It’s booming in his ears, and he almost misses what Kaori says to him. He knows it’s easier to just say ‘yes’ to her at this point, but he’s stubborn, and afraid of what will ( or won’t ) happen once he’s at the piano. But when she looks at him like that, he can’t help but breathe out a defeated breath.

Kousei doesn’t expect Jeanette to grab his hand, so when she does -- he’s at a loss; does he grip it back, or pull away? It would make sense to just -- let her lead him by the hand, right? That’s not weird?

 “ What did I say about looking down? Look at me. I know you can do it  because I believe in you. So does Tsubaki and Watari. They want to hear  you play and I want to play with you. I don’t want to stop playing with you.  I don’t want any other accompanist. I want you. “ It’s as simple as that.  Maybe his thoughts would change if she had told him about her health. No.  She wouldn’t. She would just continue to be her stubborn self until Kousei  had his butt at the piano chair.

    “–…?” Kousei catches himself staring up at her as if he’s taken aback – bright eyes blinking and wide. He almost forgets to breathe; he’s speechless. He swears his heart stops in that moment, and he has to take a second to remind himself that this girl is in love with his best friend. … He’s just ‘the accompanist’. ‘The stand-in’. ‘Friend A’. That’s it. She wants him to play because he knows how. … Right? Feeling this way ( whatever it is ) is inappropriate.

Kousei sucks in a nervous breath as he brings himself away from his thoughts. He knows that – despite the ache in his chest – now isn’t the time to dwell on what “could be”. Times like these – these little, personal moments they shared were all that he had. And he’d never forgive himself if he ruined one.

 “ You need to realize that what you have is a gift. The way you play tells  a story. A sad one. But it’s the most beautiful thing anyone could ever  hear. “ Who knew if her words would get through to him. They didn’t have  much longer either. Kaori was meant to go to the hospital for some test  results and possibly more blood work but perhaps it wouldn’t kill her to  skip it to try and get Kousei to play. Even if it’s just a little. It would mean  progress. And she would’ve been the one to get him through this.

... She makes it sound so easy, and when Kousei looks up at her he can see Kaori believes in what she’s saying. There’s no doubt about it. To be able to just -- drop everything and play the way she does, so daringly and so free --  he’d give anything. ... But something in him stopped two years ago; there’s a mental block in the way, and try as he might, Kousei doesn’t believe he can get over it. Not at this rate. Yet, somehow -- when he looks at her, it’s almost as if --

    “You sound so sure of yourself, but how ...” Kousei hesitates then, his eyes moving downcast. He doesn’t know how to shake her off without giving in. He doesn’t want to disappoint her out there in front of an audience; he’s out of practice, and anyone else would’ve given up on him by now.

But Kaori is different, isn’t she? Roaring one minute and calm the next. ... She’s so hard to read.

 She had his entire attention. He couldn’t even take a proper step back and it  was hardly a second after that swings her foot under his so he’s now on the  ground and quickly taking the same leg and pounding it down on his head.  Poor Kousei should know that things like ‘ I’m just not feeling it ‘ will get him  in this position.

Even if he might want to, for her, it’s not like Kousei can just -- turn it off. Reluctance to play always has him pinned under her fury, and it’s a price he’s willing to pay. But -- ... He can’t fathom why Kaori is so persistent ( or why said persistence always lead to bodily harm ). And here she was, kicking him senseless until he manages to scramble up and away in between kicks to protest.

    “It’s not just that! It’s complicated!“ Kousei didn’t mean to shout at her, but she’s being unreasonable. ... Even if she’s right. “It’s more than just not feeling it.”

He’s cradling his head in his hands when a weight begins pressing down on his chest. A dull pain that squeezes the air out of his lungs and makes him grit his teeth together the longer he thinks. His heart hurts and he can’t figure out why.

 Well now she’s even more annoyed than before. She has to do it the hard  way now, doesn’t she? “ See, this can be fixed. Just stand right there for  a minute, okay? “

    “Huh--?” Now probably isn’t a good time to freeze up, but when Kaori gets that look in her eye -- Kousei can’t help but stop and blink owlishly at her. Like a deer caught in headlights. He knows what’s coming, but something in him gets stuck -- and he doesn’t move much farther than a single, stumbling step backward.