Secret Money Number

and like i saw someone with their pictish beast fully off leash at the fishmonger's yesterday fleece mangy as fuck and it was snapping up atlantic mackerels whenever its owner had their back turned i'm telling you it's crazy out here

"my great grandmother who survived 3 wars and raised 10 children by herself while working in a factory watching me go to therapy because my parents yelled at me" ok but your great grandmother was also miserable. maybe your great grandmother would be happy you try your best to not be miserable

fake fans will forget he said this

I explained the concept of "blorbo from my shows" to my 71 year old immigrant grandfather because I referenced it in passing and I thought nothing of it, until today when he said "I think I'll watch peaky blinders tonight and see my blorbo from my shows" referring, of course, to Cillian Murphy playing Tommy Shelby

English isn't his first language so he's not super in touch with modern slang, so I've been accidentally teaching him to talk like a tumblr user. His favorite thing to say lately is "me when I'm a little hater" when he's like talking shit about the neighbor's son

early to bed and early to rise leaves a man so fucked up that he dies

santa claus but instead of naughty or nice i judge if uve been banal or avant garde 

Aliens bodies are probably different as hell. Or similar