saving my sanity, one post at a time.

“I am a woman built upon the wreckage of myself.”

There is a pain I know not how to name. It is the pain of the people closest to you not wanting you to be happy.

Find someone who pays attention. Who runs their fingers over your every scar; and asks where each one came from. Find someone who knows how you like your coffee; what song makes you want to roll the windows down and slam on the gas pedal. Find someone who takes in your smallest details; who notices the things you thought no one ever would. And then…when you find them… Be their someone, too.

Future.

Why do you love your god?

My mother taught me the power of tahhajud since I was a little girl. She told me that when life gets hard, the last third of the night holds the keys to my ease. Til this day, I race fajr by a few minutes to soak my palms and my feet- and come to You in desperation and need. I tell You my secrets though they are already planted in Your knowledge. ‘My Lord, I am aching. My Lord, I am breaking. My Lord I have wronged you. My Lord, I have wronged myself. Please take me back. Please don’t leave me. Oh Opener of ways, open for me a path out of my self inflicted despair!“ And surely enough, my mother’s wisdom and Your infinite mercy saves my undeserving soul from self destruction.

i take pleasure in my transformations. i look quiet and consistent, but few know how many women are in me.