I cry here A LOT

dpd culture is being so conflict/decision averse that my therapist has discharged me because he kept assuming things that weren't true and I kept agreeing and he thinks I'm doing fine mentally

dpd culture is mastering the art of having people pick for me :3

avpd culture is rarely being able to feel good about positive social interaction.

avpd culture is being hypersensitive to shame. anything that's not typically embarrassing is embarrassing to me, and anything that is typically embarrassing is absolutely mortifying

suspected avpd culture is being genuinely brought to tears looking through this blog (and other avpd-related things, including the actual diagnostic criteria lol) because you just feel so Seen

avpd culture is avoiding taking proper care of yourself because you don't feel like you deserve it

avpd culture is knowing your friends are drifting away from you, knowing you're not there for them enough, knowing you're too distant and quiet and not a good friend at all, and understanding that this friendhsip will end soon. it will die, just like any other friendship you've ever had, just like any other friendship you've ever ruined. you understand it, and you accept the situation. because there's not really anything you can do to fix it, is there? there's nothing you can do to fix yourself

avpd culture is not killing yourself even though it's kinda all you want to do lately because you don't want to inconvenience or traumatize anyone. like seriously is there no way to just. stop existing without potentially hurting a real person in the process?

avpd culture is not being there for people no matter how much or little you care about them. you're not there when they're happy, sharing their thoughts and blabbering on in excitement, when you have to be a mirror of their enthusiasm but can't. you're not there when they need support, no reassuring words on your tongue. you're not there when they're surrounded by people, knowing that they don't really need you because hey, they've got all those other friends, don't they? you're not there when they're alone, too scared of the closeness that is between the two of you now. you're not there when they need to talk, all words or phrases completely forgotten. you're not there when they don't want words but rather something else, something that you can't understand or give because what if you misread the situation and offer something else instead, something they don't need? you're not there at all, just a mere observer watching quietly from afar. you're not there, and when you leave, memories of you aren't there, either