i cant help but stalk my first girl love all the time. wlw situationships are fucking hellish to the point id wish that i wasnt lesbian. before i even knew that i was fully lesbian, i was aromantic until she came to my life. my first true love that never abandoned me, my savior. we were in love for 3 years without telling eachother (even tho we had a thing for the third time and it was few months ago) and now shes just being an avoidant asshole and refusing to love me bc id distract her from getting to med school, then she forced me to move on and said she lost feelings but i know damn well she didnt. i miss when she used to be on me all the time and never leave me alone. shes a shitty liar i hate her yet i can never forget her, loving her was like walking on eggshells. one day she would be dry, then at night she would be all loving and stuff, no better than a man ngl... im so fucking obsessed with her i had her pics printed in my room like few months ago and whenever my mom asked me who is that id just say a model and she would believe me, thats how gorgeous she is. she told me that shes gonna treat me better even if we stay off as just friends but since that she never contacted me anymore and keeps viewing my stuff without dming me UGH i fucking hate her!!!! i miss her sweet words, praises and the way her mood would change whenever she saw my face fuuuck my life i want to die!!!! ik we will eventually talk again cuz weve been on eachother for 3 years but no labels bc she hated labels. dont get me started on the fact she would flirt w her straight friends and after id just bash my head on the wall and cry my ass off for the whole day, and because of that i lost 3kg IM CRYING also i would make a fake insta accounts of her friends that she flirted with... or id act like them and she would get super confused, also when id literally fight the urge not to vomit whenever i saw her being kind to her friends, or when she was talking about sum "i love everyone" and id cry myself to sleep over that LMFAOOAOAOA FUCK IM SO SELFISH i even lost the count on how many times ive harmed myself over her.... thats been since 2024 but ok ok idc IDC i lowk miss that but since i have to focus on school i dont but ... a part of me misses it bc i dont even talk to ppl :/ we used to be so perfect few months ago, and those other years... but this year was so different bc she didnt put much effort, gosh i went absolute batshit, fake accounts and folders of her friends got me fucked up!!! also id do my makeup the way they did LMFAO i also remembered her school schedule and everything ab her skl bc she was always busy w it. i also remember how id cry when she sat w her friend at school and they laughed tg OMG i hated that girl AND STILL DO. theres sm things i did for my lover and her friends its so embarrassing to say it here but its ok im js bored and yapping nonsense rn ehehehrvfbsnf.... ive always been very afraid of lashing out on her and whenever i wanted to id js talk absolute madness on my private insta account w no followers and then id harm myself wheeeww.... and she got 15 new friends and im over here... after we ended our stuff for the 3rd time i went insane, was ab to attempt, reached out to my abuser that i had a homoerotic friendship w LOL (went very horribly wrong), cut off my friends and nowwwww im miserableeee....whyyyyyyy killmeplspslspsoss sighhhhh fuck my lesbian life plz keel me

oh my goodness drooling….

me and arthur muehehe ♥︎♥︎

stupid silly arthur i wanna punch his face

arthur art by my fav arthur artist ♡