ā Ā do you think weāre gonna die here tonight? Ā ā
ā Ā itās horrifying, chilling⦠just over all not good. Ā ā
ā Ā should we just get this over with? Ā ā
ā Ā heās a fucking criminal. Ā ā
ā Ā sharing is caring? meh, go fuck yourself. Ā ā
ā Ā oh god, um⦠oh my god, i fucking hate this. Ā ā
ā Ā stop banging on the door, you dick. Ā ā
ā Ā what. the fuck. is wrong with you. Ā ā
ā Ā i gotta be honest, this doesnāt really compel me very much. Ā ā
ā Ā that was a joke that i made and then it formed your opinion on it. Ā ā
ā Ā flip that switch. do you think thatās the murder switch? Ā ā
ā Ā this is embarrassing. this is embarrassing for you, i think. Ā ā
ā Ā no oneās ghost-proof. Ā ā
ā Ā iām ghost-proof. Ā ā
ā Ā youāre not ghost-proof. youāre just an idiot who refuses to see proof. Ā ā
ā Ā iām ghost-proof, baby! Ā ā
ā Ā that sounded like will smith! Ā ā
ā Ā is will smith dead? has anyone checked the news?! Ā ā
ā Ā the problem is if thereās something that attacks us down here, iām going to hit my head on the ceiling and my skull will smash. Ā ā
ā Ā alright, buddy. keep your wits about ya. Ā ā
ā Ā letās get the fuck out of here. Ā ā
ā Ā i kind of just looked into places that would make me wanna die and i think this checks that box. Ā ā
ā Ā did i just blind you? good, good, good. itāll give you the vision. Ā ā
ā Ā take a drink! Ā ā
ā Ā iām gonna get you all tanked. Ā ā
ā Ā what do you expect? what insight are you trying to gather from here? Ā ā
ā Ā maybe the noise is a little snake. can you imagine a little snake wrapped around a little pickaxe with a little hat on? Ā ā
ā Ā iām not trying to do that whole dismissive thing, but⦠iām dismissing it. Ā ā
ā Ā alright. alright, man. you just gotta chill. Ā ā
ā Ā i thought āglory holeā used to mean something very innocuous, though. Ā ā
ā Ā itās where the men fucked the earth hoping to impregnate it with gold. Ā ā
ā Ā a bug flew up my nose. Ā ā
ā Ā i think iāve swallowed about six tablespoons of bugs at this point. Ā ā
ā Ā itās so silent aside from the bugs in my ears. Ā ā
ā Ā a bat flew right behind you just now. Ā ā
ā Ā that bat was straight-up going for your ass⦠it was an ass bat. Ā ā
āĀ dude, iām so nervous.Ā ā
āĀ how can you be nervous with a beautiful sunset like that?Ā ā
āĀ thereās some pretty shitty things that have happened to people around here.Ā ā
āĀ can you even look at least a little bit worried?Ā ā
āĀ yeah, iām fucking nervous, man. i feel like iām gonna vomit.Ā ā
āĀ weāre all assholes here.Ā ā
āĀ i donāt know why i phrased itĀ ālucky for us.ā i think i was feeling brave when i wrote this.Ā ā
āĀ yeah, this isnāt lucky for you at all.Ā ā
āĀ iām gonna try and avoid sayingĀ ādemonā as much as i can.Ā ā
āĀ iām not gonna let you goad me into this, i know what youāre trying to do.Ā ā
āĀ shut up. weāre moving on.Ā ā
āĀ you know what? iām not trying to scare you, but⦠i got a bad feeling about this one.Ā ā
āĀ why are you unbuttoning your pants? weāre in public right now.Ā ā
āĀ oh⦠youāve out-dumbed yourself.Ā ā
āĀ you know, i thought this was gonna be funny, but now iām actually happy that i have it.Ā ā
āĀ iām a whole other coin. just like a chill ass wheat-back penny.Ā ā
āĀ iām doing it for the betterment of the science.Ā ā
āĀ any demons here? you got any demons out tonight? any horn-y boys or whatever they are.Ā ā
āĀ you may not like this⦠iām gonna try to agitate it.Ā ā
āĀ you do what you gotta do and iāll do what i gotta do.Ā ā
āĀ iām just gonna be as crude as possible here.Ā ā
āĀ no, no, no. just right out of the gate. why build up?Ā ā
āĀ if you donāt believe then thereās nothing for you to be afraid of, right?Ā ā
āĀ you can be is big of a prick as you want, but iām staying over here.Ā ā
āĀ if you want me off this bridge, youāre gonna have to kill me.Ā ā
āĀ nope! donāt loop me into your shit!Ā ā
āĀ stop looping me. i hate when you do this to me in demon places.Ā ā
āĀ iām not part of his little charade.Ā ā
āĀ children will come here and tell tales about me.Ā ā
āĀ shut the fuck up ā iām gonna murder you.Ā ā
āĀ oh what a load of horse shit.Ā ā
āĀ oh, skip the theatrics and just go into it.Ā ā
āĀ if you want me off this bridge, youāre gonna have to throw me off.Ā ā
āĀ you gotta admit, that is an effective technique.Ā ā
āĀ no, itās not an effective technique. itās a way to get killed.Ā ā
āĀ thatās not how you get them, shut up.Ā ā
āĀ whenās the last time you ever walked into the dark woods?Ā ā
āĀ this is so much scarier than hunting fucking sasquatch.Ā ā
āĀ people usually feel overcome with emotion in here, like a violent emotion.Ā ā
āĀ give me a heads up if you start to feel murderous. i would appreciate that.Ā ā
āĀ by the way, these woods are also scary because of the people that might be in there.Ā ā
āĀ i mean, people are greater threats than demons or ghouls.Ā ā
āĀ i canāt fight, you canāt fight.Ā ā
āĀ youāre like one of those carwash floaty things that are out front just wiggling around.Ā ā
āĀ anyone doing up to no good out here?Ā ā
āĀ one of these times weāre gonna die.Ā ā
āĀ oh shit! thereās something over there. i donāt know what it is, but the bushes are moving.Ā Ā ā
āĀ i just heard a scream.Ā ā
āĀ well, if we just make it seem like weāre in on it, like⦠weāre here for the cult stuff.Ā ā
āĀ weāre here for the cult stuff. we saw the ad on craigslist.Ā ā
āĀ it feels weird to even joke. iām so fucking scared right now.Ā ā
āĀ oh sure theyād be hiding in the bushes. theyāre cultists.Ā ā
āĀ i keep collecting spiderwebs on my face and now iām just sort of immune to them. iām just letting them accumulate.Ā ā
āĀ well, you are just a giant stick walking around.Ā ā
āĀ oh, this looks fun⦠an odd collection of branches. looks like a witch lair or something.Ā ā
āĀ hello? you canāt be doing occult stuff like this. itās a weeknight.Ā ā
āĀ dude, wait. youāre fucking crazy.Ā ā
āĀ you need to chill. you need to chill out.Ā ā
āĀ hey man, itās just a plant.Ā ā
āĀ we kicked goatman off the bridge, itās ours now.Ā ā
āĀ goatman, are you out here in the wooā well, heās out here in the woodsĀ ācause heās not tending to his bridge.Ā ā
āĀ clearly. thatās why finders keepers and all that.Ā ā
āĀ hey, if thereās cultists out there⦠i gotta let you know, my pal has a water gun.Ā ā
āĀ i donāt like this, i donāt like this one bit.Ā ā
āĀ we are hearing noise from all sides at this point. itās very blair witch.Ā ā
āĀ yeah, letās leave.Ā ā
āĀ the nameĀ āsteveā doesnāt really strike fear into the heart.Ā ā
āĀ iāll go along with this. fun gimmick.Ā ā
āĀ well demons, itās been fun.Ā ā
āĀ as we snuff these candles so too do we snuff you from this mortal world, you fucking wimp.Ā ā
āĀ this bridge is officially mine. theyāll tell legends of me here.Ā ā
āĀ oh god, i feel like iāve gone to the dark side.Ā ā
āĀ just gloat a little bit. this is a win for you.Ā ā