Memezinga

In response to claims that being told their ancestors were responsible for several catastrophic genocides and inequalities, the financiers of the Historical Foundation of Stanford University are demanding a “less harsh”, “not a bummer” history to ease their college age children into history.

Seen Here: Bro-Sa Parks’ Historic Bus Ride to end slavery.

In accordance, several key figures, mostly women of color, were replaced with “cool dudes I’d wanna grab a brew with, bro” in order to make history more appealing to the students. When asked about the women in question, they responded “Black people and women get all the good fights, we’re just evening the playing field.”

Seen Here: Freedom fighter and sexual revolutionary Bro-Sephine Baker.

With the introduction of key figures like Bro-Sa Parks, Theopatra, Bro-Sephine Baker, Monsieur Curie and Troy of Troy historians are hoping that the next generation of historian will take a renewed interest in history, now that they’re no longer painted as the bad guys.

Seen Here: The Daddy Mac who saved the Indians, Snapbackagawaea

By Boston Beef: Professional Man

So, every MANLY MAN knows that the best breakfast starts with a BACON WRAPPED SAUSAGE. Nothing is more macho than wrapping two hot slabs of beef around each other. You just can’t wait to get your mouth around that savory meat. But, what other Man Products and Byproducts make a balanced Man Breakfast?

Boom! CHUNKY MUESLI, the CEREAL FOR MEN. None of that sugary kids stuff or sissy zero calorie stuff. A cereal a man can be proud of lets you suck on NUTS and FRUITS. Putting naked FRUITS AND NUTS in your mouth just makes sense. They’re the things you find in survival trips where it’s just you and a couple other guys in the wilderness and MOUTHING A NUT can save your butt the trouble. But, how do you take your cereal? Raw is certainly one way, but we don’t need no sissy SKIM or 1% MILK!

BAM! How about some EXTREME DUDE FLAVORED MILK! It may be LOW FAT, but that’s OK. It beat the fat in a KNIFE FIGHT and buried it in the backyard, MAN STYLE. So drink some DUDE FLAVORED MILK, pour that EXTREME DUDE MILK all over your cereal and savor every bite.

And, while we’re being healthy, how about some BROGURT. None of that PINK CARTON stuff. No offense to Jamie Lee Curtis, she’s an OFFICIAL LADY-BRO (See Boston’s top 25 Lady-Bros who are Dude Cool), but dudes need a YOGURT as extreme and intense as us. We can’t get enough of the CREAMY WHITE STUFF, especially when it taste like our favorite meats.

Top it all off with a BRONUT, the ultimate sweet treat in your SAUSAGEFAST! Get a couple of those BRONUTS side by side and just go at ‘em. CREAM FILLED, CHOCOLATE, BRONUTS stacked on top of each other! We don’t discriminate between the 'nuts. BRONUTS are ALL GOOD.

Our Hard Working Funatics heard about the secret menu so we decided to get the truth out of our inside man, Clive the Counter Operator. Here’s what we learned is on the menu.

Frozen Coke. A delightul and fun summer snack, but available around the year… IF you know the code phrase. You’ve just gotta say “I’d like a coke and keep it cool”

The Arch Deluxe. A mature burg for a mature mouth. To get this you’ve gotta tell your counter “I’m definitely a big boy. Give me a big boy burger.”

The McHot Dog. The most elusive prey. Most people go wrong thinking it’s just called the McDog. To get this one, tell your casheer “Sorry for McHot Dogging you.” 

The McLobster. Why would you want to order this? Just order a Filet of Fish, reelly. You’re better off.

The McPizza. Tell your McDonalds “I’m a Ninja Turtle, hook me up.” And, they’ll bring out the special pipeng hot pie.

The McPizza Burger. Tell your McDonalds “I’m a Ninja Turtle, hook me up on a bun.” to get this sneaky treat.

It’s back.

McSoup. Tell your McDonalds “I’m slippery when wet.” and they’ll know what to put in your cup.

The McSpanish Omlet Bagel. To get hooked up with this delight, bring castinets into your store. Spin around three times saying ole and then say the words “You quiero juevos.” They’ll get the hint.

Mighty Wings. Do the chicken dance.

The Monster Mac. You can only order this if you sing the full song from the 80′s commercial. Good luck.

The Shamrock Shake. This is actully misleading. It’s not available year round. They just don’t have the ingredients to make this for you. Don’t ask for this, youll just bother them.