here's a master post of all the freudian slips from last night
(They were talking about how Dave is a higher class than Karkat.)
Karkat: IT'S NOT EVEN THE MONEY THING, IT'S THE CLOTHES. I MEAN. *gestures to dave vaguely*
Dave: what a guy cant have good taste in suits
Dave: that doesnt make me any better than anyone
Karkat: THE POINT IS THAT YOU CAN AFFORD THEM. KANAYA EVEN SAID THEY AREN'T KNOCK-UPS.
(Dave had accidentally dozed off on Karkat's lap the night before.)
Dave: *sleepy smile* hi karkat
Dave: *sudden realization* karkat
Dave: *rolls off the couch*
Karkat: *totally not blushing* what?
Dave: *nope no blushing here either*
Dave: i-i should go get dressed
Karkat: uh, yeah, okay. you do that. i'm just going to sit here and get it up- GET UP. I'M GOING TO STAND UP.
Dave: im going to pretend i didnt just hear that
Karkat: HEAR WHAT. I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING OF ANY KIND OF IMPORTANCE OR WORTH MENTIONING. EXCUSE ME I'M GOING TO LOCATE YOUR COFFEE MACHINE AND THEN BLUDGEON MYSELF WITH IT.
Karkat: *stiffly shuffles off to the kitchen*
Dave: with the coffee machine
Dave: you know what im going to go upstairs now
(Not really a freudian slip, but I had to include it)
Karkat: CAREFUL, YOUR INNER TOOLSHED IS SHOWING. MIGHT WANT TO COVER THAT UP BEFORE THE NEIGHBORS REALIZE WHAT THEY'VE BEEN LIVING NEXT TO AND CAUSE A RIOT.
Dave: thats not my toolshed thats just my tool why are you looking at it
Karkat: WHY DON'T WE BOTH GO BACK TO BED AND JUST STAY THERE UNTIL WE AREN'T FUCKING EACH OTHER IN THE HEAD.
Karkat: PACK ME UP AND PUT ME IN THE BAKE SALE, I'M JUST THAT DONE.
Karkat: I MEANT SEPARATE BEDS BY THE WAY
Karkat: IF YOU WERE WONDERING.
Dave: congratulations karkat you have rendered me speechless
Karkat: THEN WHY ARE YOU STILL TALKING
Dave: you seemed like the right thing to do
Dave: IT seemed like the right thing to do
Karkat: WE HAVE GONE FULL CIRCLE
Dave: i hate myself a lot
(Dave had gone upstairs to compose himself for a minute)
Dave: *comes back downstairs* good morning
Karkat: WELL, IT CERTAINLY IS A MORNING, BUT I WOULD ARGUE ON THE GOOD PART.
Dave: right sorry about that do you want me to ride you home
Dave: *walks back upstairs*
Dave: one of us will just say something stupid in the car and we'll just die
Dave: from the embarrassment
Karkat: OKAY, I CAN FIX THAT, RIGHT NOW! LET ME TAKE ONE FOR THE TEAM. OR JUST TAKE THE ENTIRE FUCKING TEAM. WE CAN MIX THAT SENTENCE UP TOO. I CAN FUCK THE ENTIRE TEAM, WITH THE TAKE LEFT OVER. SO LONG, DIPSTICK. YOU WERE TERRIBLE IN BED AND I FAKED ALL BUT TWO ORGASMS, AND BOTH OF THOSE INVOLVED A THRID PARTY. I AM LEAVING YOU WITH THE MUSCLEBEAST ARTWORK MY EX GAVE ME BECAUSE I THINK YOU'LL NEED IT MORE THAN I DO. NOT TO MENTION THAT THE BUCKET WILL NEVER BE THE SAME.
Karkat: ARE WE DEAD YET OR CAN I CONTINUE ON WITH THIS SHAMEFEST?
Karkat: I'M WAITING FOR THE MOMENT WE BECOME INVICIBLE AND SHARE A COMPLETELY PLATONIC BRO HUG WITH OUR DICKS, NO HOMO.
Karkat: I WOULD ALSO SAY SOMETHING ABOUT THE "METAPHORICAL DEATH" AKA THE PREVIOUSLY MENTIONED ORGASMS, BUT I COULDN'T FIGURE OUT HOW I WOULD FIT IT IN.
Karkat: THAT WAS A PENIS JOKE.
Karkat: NOW GET YOUR ASS OUT OF BED AND HELP ME FIND MY CLOTHES. SAUCY WINK.
Karkat: DID I ACTUALLY BREAK YOU BECAUSE THAT IS THE MOST HYPOCRITICAL BULLSHIT I HAVE EVER HEARD OF. YOU CAN'T JUST HIT ON SOMEONE EVERY DAY FOR MONTHS ON END AND THEN BECOME PAN DAMAGED WHEN THEY THROW IT BACK AT YOU.
Karkat: THIS IS KARKAT, REQUESTING TO TALK TO DETECTIVE DAVE MOTHERFUCKING STRIDER, KING OF THE METAPHORICAL DICKS AND JESTER OF THE JUSTICE WORLD.
Dave: metaphorical dicks aint the only dicks im the king of ok that didnt come out right let me take you back to work
(Karkat couldn't find one of his socks and was looking around for it with a barely buttoned shirt. Dave was distracted.)
Dave: quit whining and just take a pair of my socks
Dave: i wash them with bleach is that sanitary enough for you mr ocd
Karkat: WILL YOUR SOCKS EVEN FIT?
Dave: *staring again, oh my god i didnt know this guy was cut*
Dave: my feet arent that big im sure itll fit
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