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This is absolutely a me problem, but I'm realizing there is a difference between a space/event being ADA accessible and actually comfortable. And that's mostly predicated on how much I'm inconveniencing other people >_<

If a space is crowded/standing room only, I have to constantly ask people to get out of the way. In order to access [activity], I would have to ask ppl to move chairs (where?) and then put them back when I am done. For the panel space I was told there was a lift. Ohh it's a stairlift and there's no way to get my wheelchair up (I think staff was going to try to carry it??). The prospect of having staff operate the lift while the rest of the crowd has to watch and wait to go up the stairs is unbearably humiliating. So I just left, which happens more than I'd like. I could power through this sort of thing if I had more confidence, but i don't rn

In contrast, the public transit in my area is pretty great. Push a button and the ramp comes out. The accessibility is built-in, in a way that doesn't interrupt service or inconvenience other passengers. (i love you public transit). Or like just like a major grocery store. The aisles are huge and nobody gives a shit and im not in anyones way (wait i literally just realized this is probably bc its designed for grocery carts lol)

And it's nobody's fault! The organizers/owners are often trying their best, so I feel unjustified giving feedback around this. Building modifications are extremely expensive. I expect better from like, the state, but small indie art organizations don't have funding to rent larger/more accessible spaces!!

But it is a me problem. I have seen other disabled ppl advocate loudly and confidently. And it does depend on the circumstances, but a lot of the time my response is to feel shame!! (not an appropriate response) like literallyy so much of my life is colored by the fact that I feel inherently like a burden. i have to compensate for it (money, favors) before i can exist comfortably around others!! fuckk!!

also look at the gundam yaoi my roommate got me for my bday 🫶 (leftmost one is rly cute and came w/ a sticker)