maybe I've always been more comfortable in chaos

I hope the dark wood passes and at the end, there will be sunlight, just like I remember.

Meanwhile I pretend the sun has never left us. That I can still feel its warmth on my skin.

I mimic the person I used to be, walking in sunlight with you.

And endure the dark numbness.

We might get separated. We might not find the edge together.

I might leave these woods alone.

But I don't care how it ends. Good or bad.

Together

or alone.

I don't care about "but the show was never gonna end happy, you should have known that".

I don't care. I wanted my happy end. I wanted them to be happy. Sam, Dean, Cas...all of them.

I am loved

I am worthy

I am whole

I am happy

I am safe

I am loved

I feel like I'm starving

I want more

I want you

But you already gave all you got

You already feel drained

Like you can't breathe

Because of me

That's not right

Maybe...

But instead of saying that, I apologize for not reading your unspoken needs correctly. Whilst secretly hoping, you will apologize for your overreaction in return.

But all I get is: "it's okay".