Aloha

Speaking of fetuses. I have one of my own now. Super crazy how life changes. I don’t want to be sappy or superficial. I want to be raw and uncensored.

Wife life was easy compared to being a mom. Your whole life is turned upside down. Most moments for the better. But there’s the thoughts of losing your memory. Thinking you said one thing and figuring out you said another. Giving up your body. I’ve lost 30 lbs since pregnancy. I thought I would’ve bounced back. But I’ve had to sacrifice to feed my kid. Willing to feed my kid. But not willing to accept your jeans don’t fit & your body doesn’t feel the same. At times I don’t feel attractive. I thought wives were supposed to lose sex drive- but it’s the opposite. You want love from your spouse. You want validation. You want hand holding. You want attention. You want kindness. You want to be wanted even when you don’t want yourself. I know all of my love is being poured into this kid. And my love for my spouse is being poured into this kid. I want to spend time with my spouse. I want him to know I care. But there’s so much in the way. I know things take time to adjust to this new life, but I just want the old me back. Maybe this is just my grieving post to accept the new reality of things.