Melbourne Sugar

When confronted by the word “no,” many men attempt to educate us on “customer service.”

I’ve worked in retail and food service, for years. I know what customer service is. I know that you have to endure any kind of degrading abuse that people throw your way. You have to bite your tongue to keep your job. Your company insists that every person who walks through the door must be treated as a customer, whether they’ve made a purchase or not. You just have to take their shit.

If I could have, in all of the thousands of moments I was treated like shit in those jobs, I would have told those people to fuck off. I wasn’t invested in sales or the company itself, I was invested in the minimum wage that came my way every two weeks. Those jobs meant nothing to me, yet people coming through the door would treat me as if I were responsible for every price tag and policy. I was held accountable for all of the responsibility, but had none of the power.

I had to do it all with a smile, earnestly and eagerly helping everyone with their very, very important shopping needs.

So when I became a cam model, I was freed from all of that. I don’t have to keep my mouth shut. I can deny anyone who disrespects me, I can even tell them to fuck off. There’s no more crying in the break room. There’s no more worrying I’ll get fired. I can turn down business if I want to, because it’s my business.

These “customer service” insistent men will usually follow with something about how we’ll lose business. You’ll lose business, just you wait doll. You’ll catch more flies with honey than with vinegar doll. 

I’ve used plenty of honey in camming. I used more honey than I needed to when I first started– much more. Men took advantage of my kindness left and right. My time was wasted by endless chats over the course of days, weeks, and sometimes months because I was promised we’d do a show but “timing” and “wife’s home” and “don’t get paid til [some day in the future that was always pushed back].” I gave so many people the benefit of the doubt. I thought that I was meeting tons of really cool people and was excited about these relationships– relationships that consumed valuable time and never led to any income. I thought these men actually liked me too. 

The reality is, if they did like me, they would respect that I am a sex worker and they found me on my work accounts. But, instead of giving me business, they were just chatting me up because they knew they could dangle money in front of me like a carrot forever. That’s not liking someone. That’s taking advantage. That’s manipulative.

It took me a while, as it does with all models, to get smart about my business. I don’t use that kind of honey any more, and I make more money because my time is not wasted. I am also much happier, because I have turned down shows, content, and clients that made me upset and uncomfortable– and in the past I thought I had to do those things. It was actually a challenge to unlearn the customer service principles that were ingrained in me, that I had to take the shit. I’ve since realized that I don’t. I really really don’t. 

So when men don’t get their way and pull the “customer service” card, what they’re saying is that we shouldn’t have this power. They know that we have the power to turn down anyone at will, and they’re saying yeah, but you shouldn’t. Because I want what I want, when I want it and how I want it.

It’s entitlement.

When these men reveal themselves to hold this philosophy about sex workers, that they should get what they want and we shouldn’t have the power to say no– 

I’ve been working as a camgirl and content producer for over a year now. In March, I started full service work, something that is legal in my country, if frowned upon.

Naturally, you get bad days at work, or rather, you have bad appointments. My first booking was three hours long, with a “dominant” man who was, well, an asshat. He was condescending, gross, unattractive and tedious. The next one wasn’t much better. After having worked for about three months now, I’ve had good bookings, okay bookings and terrible bookings. I’ve met people whose company I genuinely enjoyed, both sexually and on a personal level, and people who are insufferable. 

Sometimes, when I had a terrible booking I want to say “that’s as bad as it gets, that’s probably the worst client I will ever encounter” but there’s a voice in my head going “at least he didn’t rape you, this is not bad, it could have been much worse”. 

It took me a while to overcome this kind of thinking which is based on years and years of hearing people talk about sex workers being assaulted in exactly that way - describing it as either the logical consequence of their profession or a bad day at work, just the worst possible version of what I am doing anyway.

I am doing a job. A job where I provide a sexual service for a fee. Just like in any other job where you have close physical contacts, boundaries are established and ideally respected, sometimes after making them very clear or having to call someone out on their behaviour. There’s a whole range from negotiating the fee, safer sex and “extras” beforehand, asking someone sweetly not to drool in your ear and having to get aggressive because they are attempting non-consensual anal penetration for example. 

Some radical feminist believe that you can not consent to sexual acts for money. If that was the case, there would be no difference between me counting down the minutes while giving a resentful handjob and somebody violently assaulting me. There is. Stop acting like there isn’t, stop acting like it doesn’t feel different for us. Your moral judgment is impacting our safety, massively so. If it doesn’t make a difference what a client does to us anyway, you are giving them carte blanche to do their worst. 

Anything that goes beyond consensual sex for the negotiated fee, anything that qualifies as a criminal act is NOT in my job description. Just like it’s not in a cashier’s job description to get shot during the course of a robbery. Yes, if you’re working at a bank or in a supermarket, of course there is a chance you might have a gun in your face at one point in your career. But it’s still recognised as a crime, people will support you and most importantly, they won’t act like what happened to you is expected and even something you deserve and positively agreed to the minute you took up work. 

Stalking, sexual assault, rape, robbery and murder are not part of our job, not just a bad day at work and the only reason I even have to say this is because all over the world, sex workers are still discriminated against by society and law enforcement. 

Here’s a list of advice and tips from various sugar babies. This will work for newbies, and sex workers too. I’ll be updating this list often on my profile so go here for more. 

» 10 Questions To Ask a Potential Sugar Daddy Before Starting an Arrangement 

» How To Be a Pure Sugar Baby

» How To Become a Sugar Baby

» How To Stand Out As a Sugar Baby

» A List of Sugar Sites To Check Out

» How To Stay Safe While Being a Sugar Baby

» How To Be a Kept Woman

» How To Ask For Gifts

» The First Date: 10 Tips To Help You Master the Art of the Sugar Date

» How To Respond to Someone Who Calls You a Prostitute

» 100 “Non Allowance” Questions To Ask Your Pot Or Sugar Daddy 

» How To Cheat Your Way Through Intelligent Small Talk

» Free Background Check Website

» How to Get a Job In The Luxury Industry 

» Why Sugar Babies Are The Next Generation Of Entrepreneurs 

» Internet Safety For Sugar Babies

» Sugar Survival Kit

» Literature For Starting Sugar Babies

» Freestyling Guide 

» What Makes a Successful Sugar Baby

» 5 Questions To Ask Before Agreeing To An Allowance Offer

» What To Say To Get The Allowance You Want

» The Sugar Baby Mentality 

» Allowance Talk

» Closet Classics Checklist

» 100 Ways To Be Elegant 

» Sugaring Research Resources 

» Creating The Perfect Profile

» What To Do With Your Allowance

» Common Sugar Baby Acronyms 

» The Psychology Of Persuasion 

» Invest In Yourself

» What To Pay Attention To On Dates

» Let’s Talk Budgeting

» Online Safety 

» What Is a Sugar Baby?

» How To Spot a FAKE Sugar Daddy

» The First Date

» Allowance & Bank Laws

» I Am Not Attracted To My Sugar Daddy

» Plus Size Sugar Baby

» Sugar Baby Shopping Tips

» The Married Sugar Daddy: Guide To Being The Other Woman

» Underage Sugar Baby: 17 & Under

» Sugar Baby With a Baby

» The Rules Of The Sugar Baby Job

» Tip For Traveling Sugar Babies

» Meeting Your First POT

» How To Handle The First Date

» Best Apps And Websites For A Sugar Baby

» The Ultimate Guide To Being A Sugar Baby

» How To Disappear Online

» The Stress Test

» “What Are You Looking For?”

» Ways To Say “No” Politely 

» What To Wear While Shopping With A SD

» Income vs Allowance 

» The Master Sex Worker TV Marathon

» New Sugar Babies, Please Read This

» How To Weed Through Messages & Profiles From A Sugar Site

» Travelling With Your SD

» More Tips For New Sugar Babies

» Hardcore Online Security For Sugar Babies

» Turning A Man Into A Sugar Daddy 

» More Safety Tips. These Could Save Your Life

» Hustle Is A Euphemism For Manipulation 

» Red Flags

» MORE SAFETY TIPS

» Tips On Messaging Someone

» This Lifestyle Isn’t For Everyone

» Free Online Safety Tool

» Red Flags On Sugar Dating Sites

» A Word About Sex And Sugar Daddies

» Calculating The Maximum Allowance A Man Can Give You Based On His Income And Taxes

» Researching Your SD Or POT

» Cash Tips

» Making A Set List Of Your Rates

» What To Say If A POT Date Is Salty And Cheap 

» Sugar Baby Shopping Tips

» 1 Sentence, 7 Different Ways

» 5 Newbie Sugar Baby Mistakes And How To Avoid Them

» Establishing And Arrangement With A Pot

» A Few Tips

» Protecting Yourself

» Messaging A Sugar Daddy 

» When Is It Right To Start Sugaring?

» Control Your Speech

» Never Lower Your Standards For A Pot

» The Money: How To Make Good Money

» A Successful Sugar Baby

» Sugaring Mistakes

» Money 101

» 5 Ways To Showcase Yourself To Your Sugar Daddy